Boyfriend told me to “shut the F up”

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Why are people getting caught up in a word? It’s the intent that matters.

Actually, it's the impact which matters. Op is now doubting herself, him and the relationship. She has a history of abuse. If her bf is aware of her history, that makes his cussing at her that much worse.

If words have an impact that aren’t intended that’s called a mistake

Exactly. It happened once, he took responsibility and apologized...

Lot of people on this thread acting like they never screw up.

If you knew anything about abusers, you would know that this is their party line. Some people are smart enough to realize that.

This is confusing to me. So you expect perfection and anything short of perfection is abuse? Where are you going with this?

Manners and basic decency is not perfection. It is a minimum for normal conduct for an adult.

Manners and basic decency say you don't interrupt someone's evening to offer your unsolicited criticism of their business. Want to address that, or just keep ignoring it?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I demand respect from my partner and I still feel like this is blowing one incident out of proportion. You told him not to speak to you like that again and he should abide by that. But I don't think this is some life shattering incident. As you note, it's triggering for you given your past but only you know the full context of how your current BF acts and treats you and whether this was a major outlier that he can be forgiven for and learn from. You can also learn from it. As you acknowledged, this is a sensitive subject for him (his dog and how to care for it) and none of us know the words, tone or attitude with which you approached it. He should not use that language with you but he also has a right to stand up for himself on something that's important to him. I think the conversation you had afterwards is a good sign.

I'd say, take a step back and try to look at the situation as objectively as you can--ask a trusted friend for feedback on how they think he treats you. Try to assess whether you feel happy, strong and like yourself when you are with him. If not, re-assess the relationship. If so, take his apology and make it clear you cannot tolerate a response like that again.

This is exactly right. No one here has enough information to tell you that this is 1 strike and you’re out. They’re projecting their own experiences onto you.

Do your friends like the guy? You shouldn’t always listen to your friends - but I think if you have well-grounded thoughtful insightful friends, you should ask them.

Don’t ask your perpetually single party girl friends with impossible standards and secretly want you to be single because they’re mean girls.

Are you one who told OP to “know her place” and that she deserved this? How dare you give further advice after that abhorrent statement.

This is going to blow you away… but “anonymous” is a name used for everyone. It’s not just 1 person. You have to know that right?

So it was you and you want to hide behind anonymity and not own your words. Funny that you think you can dish it out and call other people names and how women need to know their place but when you get called on it you’re a little church mouse.

Here you are, calling names, and attacking the wrong person. Bet you feel great, eh? Abuser...

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:That was not okay. You should consider if you want a man to treat you that way. I would not.

Counterpoint: everyone makes mistakes. I’ve heard worse from my wife.

No one should be spoken to like that by a loved one. It is abusive.

Glad you’re perfect. But with mere mortals, they make mistakes. The whole picture matters and context matters.

Of course people make mistakes, yet somehow some of us have managed to go our whole lives without talking to someone like that.

Right, because being a smug ah on an anon board makes you better somehow...

You think not cursing at people is being smug? Wow your bar is super low.

You think not cursing at people is being great? Wow your bar is super low.

Not cursing at people is basic manners and human decency.

How sad is it that all we're supporting for op is literally basic human decency, and some people show up and say that's still too much. Wow.

Some of the people who aren't OP claiming they're "supporting" op for "literally basic human decency" are dehumanizing the man she loves and calling him literal trash, so, you know, maybe consider your approach if you're trying to convince people you give half a rat's ass about decency...

So who has more value, op or her bf? I submit that bf cursing at op devalues not only her, but him. He is an adult who is not conducting himself as such. Cussing is abusive language. He crossed a line. He has some maturing to do. Op has healing to do from her past, which involved abuse. She is in a relationship with someone who used abusive language while drunk! when he could've politely told her to stand down or whatever he was trying to convey. Presumeably the last person who abused op didn't start out full bore abusive. Likely it started with little things such as dismissing her perspectives and name calling her. Both op and bf have values as human beings...bf devalued both of them.

OP devalued her boyfriend when she got up on her condescension stage and started telling him whats what about his own life/dog/choices. OP, as an adult, had no business telling another adult to do with his dog. Nobody asked. Nobody needed or wanted her ignorant take. OP needs to get a better sense of boundaries and learn how and when to have conversations about things that aren't her business. She came in hot telling someone else what to do with their life, and got clapped back for it. Could he have been more polite? Yes. Could she have been more mature and respectful about knowing her place and choosing a more appropriate time for her rant? absolutely.

No victims here, just bad choices all around. But because he said a no-no word, he's the perp? Y'all are a mess.

WHOOP THERE IT IS. She didn't "know her place" and deserved to get "clapped back" for it. You're just another abuser. Stay away from women and children.

Reminding OP the type of people who think this language is acceptable: “she didn’t know her place”.

Sweetheart, everybody has a place. Not everybody knows it. You can fixate on that, or you can realize that, on this thread and this forum, your place is "anon troll". That's it. That's all you are here. You're not some herald of all high truths or whatever other smug nonsense you seem to think. It's gotten a little ridiculous listening to you keep this up instead of going to therapy to heal whatever hurt you so badly you ended up this way.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Would "shut up" have been okay? How about "stop talking"?

Y'all are making a lot of fuss over what amounts to a tone argument. I hope your tone is always unimpeachable, but your comments already reveal that's a lie.

I think telling someone to shut up is rude. He could certainly have told her he didn't want to discuss the topic anymore. He's entitled to be upset at her opinion that she knows more about his dog than she does. He is not entitled to speak to her rudely. I know, I know, you're going to say that she was speaking to him rudely by interrupting his drinking to tell him she's smarter than he is, but that's where you don't get it. So honestly, keep on treating people badly because there's no point in having a conversation with you. The rest of us, and there are many, I am only one of many posters who disagree with you, will go about our happy lives.

Hee! Your "happy life" arguing with anons about things that didn't even happen to you, and may not have even happened at all... Cute.

What I get, plainly, is that some of you are so misandrist that he's going to be the AH, no matter what, because you can't possibly fathom that a woman did something stupid and participated in her own unhappiness. Good luck with that.

So you agree - this is not a “happy” notion, it’s caused her “unhappiness” by being cursed at. And in your mind, it’s justified because she didn’t know her place. We see how you view women. And it’s not the way most women want to be viewed.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Nope. You get one chance. He'll keep doing it

So you're cool with getting dumped for one mistake, even after you apologize? Must be nice to always be perfect...

It’s not hard to not curse at your family. I’m sorry that you were raised to accept this behavior as normal.

Normal or not normal. It seems what is hard for you to accept is that people are different than you are. Your world view isn’t the only acceptable outlook. It’s what works for you but there are different types who can be totally fine people who get there a different way than you do

Of course. And I get to ditch suitors and anyone else who behaves like this around me.

Have fun being cursed at by your partners, I am sure that you will find the spouse that you deserve.

The first line is fine. The second line reveals what a judgmental see-you-next-Tuesday you actually are, even though you didn't use no-no words.

What a nasty witch you are!

No wonder you think this behavior is fine, you seem to commonly call women derogatory names, so this is probably old news to you.

Well time to wake up. Not all women will allow you to treat them like trash and get away with it. I hope your next gf (I mean if there was even a first) steps away the second you start mistreating her. It won’t be very long into the relationship clearly.

Does slagging off a stranger make you feel powerful? You sound unhinged...

Says the man calling anon women c words

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Why are people getting caught up in a word? It’s the intent that matters.

Actually, it's the impact which matters. Op is now doubting herself, him and the relationship. She has a history of abuse. If her bf is aware of her history, that makes his cussing at her that much worse.

If words have an impact that aren’t intended that’s called a mistake

Exactly. It happened once, he took responsibility and apologized...

Lot of people on this thread acting like they never screw up.

If you knew anything about abusers, you would know that this is their party line. Some people are smart enough to realize that.

This is confusing to me. So you expect perfection and anything short of perfection is abuse? Where are you going with this?

Manners and basic decency is not perfection. It is a minimum for normal conduct for an adult.

And this has to happen 100% of the time.. in other words, perfection.

An adult has to act like an adult 100% of the time or seek help to uncover why they aren't acting their age and to become emotionally mature. This is not perfection, it is standard operating procedure for adults.

I bet this guy wouldn’t tell his boss to shut the f*** up. People know how to be adults and show respect - to people they think are worthy of it.

He only punches down.

Eh. I think you’re unaware of how certain classes of people interact. 2 guys drinking, let’s say Verizon store employees, where the boss insults the employees dog? It could be worse than stfu and everyone would go to the work the next day like nothing happened.

I think people here live a very sheltered life.

Uh do you work at Verizon? Even if you do, I don’t think you would tell your boss to shut the f u c k up. Stop pretending you go around telling everyone this. You target women and others who you think you can control. You’re full of sh!t if you think men regularly go around swearing AT your bosses. You know how to behave when your pay check is on the line, you choose not to while behind closed doors.

Take as old as time.

Like I said, you live a sheltered life if you think there’s not a whole class of workers who, when drinking, wouldn’t tell their boss to stfu and then everyone go back to work the next day and it’s all fine.

Not everyone works in a corporate office or the government. The fact that you think everyone in the world is as buttoned up with language as you are is truly wild. It’s a big world out there. There are a lot of different people.

So you’re trying to turn it into a class thing now? Ops bf is a low class loser who swears at everyone? What a catch…

Not pp but way to prove the point, classless classist ass...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:Why are people getting caught up in a word? It’s the intent that matters.

Actually, it's the impact which matters. Op is now doubting herself, him and the relationship. She has a history of abuse. If her bf is aware of her history, that makes his cussing at her that much worse.

If words have an impact that aren’t intended that’s called a mistake

Exactly. It happened once, he took responsibility and apologized...

Lot of people on this thread acting like they never screw up.

If you knew anything about abusers, you would know that this is their party line. Some people are smart enough to realize that.

This is confusing to me. So you expect perfection and anything short of perfection is abuse? Where are you going with this?

Manners and basic decency is not perfection. It is a minimum for normal conduct for an adult.

Exactly. Women need to STOP making up excuses for their boys. It hurts a guy’s success in life when women make this huge mistake.

lol if all a guy has to do is not cuss at women and that’s considered success, well the bar is indeed in hell. But there are many many men who will treat women well and love them as they deserve to be. Don’t let your (abusive) bf stop you from finding your husband!

Because that's the goal, right? Finding a husband? puke...

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:That was not okay. You should consider if you want a man to treat you that way. I would not.

Counterpoint: everyone makes mistakes. I’ve heard worse from my wife.

No one should be spoken to like that by a loved one. It is abusive.

Glad you’re perfect. But with mere mortals, they make mistakes. The whole picture matters and context matters.

Of course people make mistakes, yet somehow some of us have managed to go our whole lives without talking to someone like that.

Right, because being a smug ah on an anon board makes you better somehow...

You think not cursing at people is being smug? Wow your bar is super low.

You think not cursing at people is being great? Wow your bar is super low.

Not cursing at people is basic manners and human decency.

How sad is it that all we're supporting for op is literally basic human decency, and some people show up and say that's still too much. Wow.

Some of the people who aren't OP claiming they're "supporting" op for "literally basic human decency" are dehumanizing the man she loves and calling him literal trash, so, you know, maybe consider your approach if you're trying to convince people you give half a rat's ass about decency...

So who has more value, op or her bf? I submit that bf cursing at op devalues not only her, but him. He is an adult who is not conducting himself as such. Cussing is abusive language. He crossed a line. He has some maturing to do. Op has healing to do from her past, which involved abuse. She is in a relationship with someone who used abusive language while drunk! when he could've politely told her to stand down or whatever he was trying to convey. Presumeably the last person who abused op didn't start out full bore abusive. Likely it started with little things such as dismissing her perspectives and name calling her. Both op and bf have values as human beings...bf devalued both of them.

OP devalued her boyfriend when she got up on her condescension stage and started telling him whats what about his own life/dog/choices. OP, as an adult, had no business telling another adult to do with his dog. Nobody asked. Nobody needed or wanted her ignorant take. OP needs to get a better sense of boundaries and learn how and when to have conversations about things that aren't her business. She came in hot telling someone else what to do with their life, and got clapped back for it. Could he have been more polite? Yes. Could she have been more mature and respectful about knowing her place and choosing a more appropriate time for her rant? absolutely.

No victims here, just bad choices all around. But because he said a no-no word, he's the perp? Y'all are a mess.

WHOOP THERE IT IS. She didn't "know her place" and deserved to get "clapped back" for it. You're just another abuser. Stay away from women and children.

Yes, the indication is in the language used. "Know her place"?

Hopefully she now knows that her place is not with him. This isn't Gilead, or the 1800's.

Agreed! I know it must be hard for OP, having a background of abuse and second guessing your gut on everything. I hope she reads these messages and feels emboldened to stand up for herself, and hold people accountable.

Betch, if you follow the thread, OP, who is not your child, already did exactly that. But it wasn't good enough for you harpies. He needs to burn for his horrible crime of non-aggressively swearing.

Your calling women harpies and c***s and then saying this language is totally normal and not an issue is a huge disconnect. You think it’s no big deal to swear at a spouse because you are fine swearing to women in general. Some people have standards, sorry you continually fall below them.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Why are people getting caught up in a word? It’s the intent that matters.

Actually, it's the impact which matters. Op is now doubting herself, him and the relationship. She has a history of abuse. If her bf is aware of her history, that makes his cussing at her that much worse.

If words have an impact that aren’t intended that’s called a mistake

Exactly. It happened once, he took responsibility and apologized...

Lot of people on this thread acting like they never screw up.

If you knew anything about abusers, you would know that this is their party line. Some people are smart enough to realize that.

This is confusing to me. So you expect perfection and anything short of perfection is abuse? Where are you going with this?

Manners and basic decency is not perfection. It is a minimum for normal conduct for an adult.

And this has to happen 100% of the time.. in other words, perfection.

An adult has to act like an adult 100% of the time or seek help to uncover why they aren't acting their age and to become emotionally mature. This is not perfection, it is standard operating procedure for adults.

I bet this guy wouldn’t tell his boss to shut the f*** up. People know how to be adults and show respect - to people they think are worthy of it.

He only punches down.

Eh. I think you’re unaware of how certain classes of people interact. 2 guys drinking, let’s say Verizon store employees, where the boss insults the employees dog? It could be worse than stfu and everyone would go to the work the next day like nothing happened.

I think people here live a very sheltered life.

Uh do you work at Verizon? Even if you do, I don’t think you would tell your boss to shut the f u c k up. Stop pretending you go around telling everyone this. You target women and others who you think you can control. You’re full of sh!t if you think men regularly go around swearing AT your bosses. You know how to behave when your pay check is on the line, you choose not to while behind closed doors.

Take as old as time.

Like I said, you live a sheltered life if you think there’s not a whole class of workers who, when drinking, wouldn’t tell their boss to stfu and then everyone go back to work the next day and it’s all fine.

Not everyone works in a corporate office or the government. The fact that you think everyone in the world is as buttoned up with language as you are is truly wild. It’s a big world out there. There are a lot of different people.

So you’re trying to turn it into a class thing now? Ops bf is a low class loser who swears at everyone? What a catch…

Not pp but way to prove the point, classless classist ass...

Pp isn’t the one that brought class into this discussion - you did. Many of us think this behavior is vulgar no matter what class you are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Would "shut up" have been okay? How about "stop talking"?

Y'all are making a lot of fuss over what amounts to a tone argument. I hope your tone is always unimpeachable, but your comments already reveal that's a lie.

I think telling someone to shut up is rude. He could certainly have told her he didn't want to discuss the topic anymore. He's entitled to be upset at her opinion that she knows more about his dog than she does. He is not entitled to speak to her rudely. I know, I know, you're going to say that she was speaking to him rudely by interrupting his drinking to tell him she's smarter than he is, but that's where you don't get it. So honestly, keep on treating people badly because there's no point in having a conversation with you. The rest of us, and there are many, I am only one of many posters who disagree with you, will go about our happy lives.

Hee! Your "happy life" arguing with anons about things that didn't even happen to you, and may not have even happened at all... Cute.

What I get, plainly, is that some of you are so misandrist that he's going to be the AH, no matter what, because you can't possibly fathom that a woman did something stupid and participated in her own unhappiness. Good luck with that.

So you agree - this is not a “happy” notion, it’s caused her “unhappiness” by being cursed at. And in your mind, it’s justified because she didn’t know her place. We see how you view women. And it’s not the way most women want to be viewed.

Point to where anyone said it was "justified". I'll wait.

As for your comments about how "most women" want to be viewed, I'd hazard a guess that it's "not like children". OP is grown enough to recognize she played a role in this mess. She's not a victim, this didn't just happen to her out of the blue. Doesn't mean what he did was correct, just that she also was incorrect.

Why is that so hard for some of you to understand? And the answer is: misandry. Check yours.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I demand respect from my partner and I still feel like this is blowing one incident out of proportion. You told him not to speak to you like that again and he should abide by that. But I don't think this is some life shattering incident. As you note, it's triggering for you given your past but only you know the full context of how your current BF acts and treats you and whether this was a major outlier that he can be forgiven for and learn from. You can also learn from it. As you acknowledged, this is a sensitive subject for him (his dog and how to care for it) and none of us know the words, tone or attitude with which you approached it. He should not use that language with you but he also has a right to stand up for himself on something that's important to him. I think the conversation you had afterwards is a good sign.

I'd say, take a step back and try to look at the situation as objectively as you can--ask a trusted friend for feedback on how they think he treats you. Try to assess whether you feel happy, strong and like yourself when you are with him. If not, re-assess the relationship. If so, take his apology and make it clear you cannot tolerate a response like that again.

This is exactly right. No one here has enough information to tell you that this is 1 strike and you’re out. They’re projecting their own experiences onto you.

Do your friends like the guy? You shouldn’t always listen to your friends - but I think if you have well-grounded thoughtful insightful friends, you should ask them.

Don’t ask your perpetually single party girl friends with impossible standards and secretly want you to be single because they’re mean girls.

Are you one who told OP to “know her place” and that she deserved this? How dare you give further advice after that abhorrent statement.

This is going to blow you away… but “anonymous” is a name used for everyone. It’s not just 1 person. You have to know that right?

So it was you and you want to hide behind anonymity and not own your words. Funny that you think you can dish it out and call other people names and how women need to know their place but when you get called on it you’re a little church mouse.

Here you are, calling names, and attacking the wrong person. Bet you feel great, eh? Abuser...

Huh? What name? Church mouse?? You’re supporting men telling their bosses and gfs to shut the f*** up but being compared to a small quiet rodent you blow up? Bizarre.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:That was not okay. You should consider if you want a man to treat you that way. I would not.

Counterpoint: everyone makes mistakes. I’ve heard worse from my wife.

No one should be spoken to like that by a loved one. It is abusive.

Glad you’re perfect. But with mere mortals, they make mistakes. The whole picture matters and context matters.

Of course people make mistakes, yet somehow some of us have managed to go our whole lives without talking to someone like that.

Right, because being a smug ah on an anon board makes you better somehow...

You think not cursing at people is being smug? Wow your bar is super low.

You think not cursing at people is being great? Wow your bar is super low.

Not cursing at people is basic manners and human decency.

How sad is it that all we're supporting for op is literally basic human decency, and some people show up and say that's still too much. Wow.

Some of the people who aren't OP claiming they're "supporting" op for "literally basic human decency" are dehumanizing the man she loves and calling him literal trash, so, you know, maybe consider your approach if you're trying to convince people you give half a rat's ass about decency...

So who has more value, op or her bf? I submit that bf cursing at op devalues not only her, but him. He is an adult who is not conducting himself as such. Cussing is abusive language. He crossed a line. He has some maturing to do. Op has healing to do from her past, which involved abuse. She is in a relationship with someone who used abusive language while drunk! when he could've politely told her to stand down or whatever he was trying to convey. Presumeably the last person who abused op didn't start out full bore abusive. Likely it started with little things such as dismissing her perspectives and name calling her. Both op and bf have values as human beings...bf devalued both of them.

OP devalued her boyfriend when she got up on her condescension stage and started telling him whats what about his own life/dog/choices. OP, as an adult, had no business telling another adult to do with his dog. Nobody asked. Nobody needed or wanted her ignorant take. OP needs to get a better sense of boundaries and learn how and when to have conversations about things that aren't her business. She came in hot telling someone else what to do with their life, and got clapped back for it. Could he have been more polite? Yes. Could she have been more mature and respectful about knowing her place and choosing a more appropriate time for her rant? absolutely.

No victims here, just bad choices all around. But because he said a no-no word, he's the perp? Y'all are a mess.

WHOOP THERE IT IS. She didn't "know her place" and deserved to get "clapped back" for it. You're just another abuser. Stay away from women and children.

Yes, the indication is in the language used. "Know her place"?

Hopefully she now knows that her place is not with him. This isn't Gilead, or the 1800's.

Agreed! I know it must be hard for OP, having a background of abuse and second guessing your gut on everything. I hope she reads these messages and feels emboldened to stand up for herself, and hold people accountable.

Betch, if you follow the thread, OP, who is not your child, already did exactly that. But it wasn't good enough for you harpies. He needs to burn for his horrible crime of non-aggressively swearing.

Your calling women harpies and c***s and then saying this language is totally normal and not an issue is a huge disconnect. You think it’s no big deal to swear at a spouse because you are fine swearing to women in general. Some people have standards, sorry you continually fall below them.

How are you so comfortable saying what strangers are and why? The arrogance is astonishing. You think you have everyone figured out, but you don't even seem to notice your own reactivity. It's a trip!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Would "shut up" have been okay? How about "stop talking"?

Y'all are making a lot of fuss over what amounts to a tone argument. I hope your tone is always unimpeachable, but your comments already reveal that's a lie.

I think telling someone to shut up is rude. He could certainly have told her he didn't want to discuss the topic anymore. He's entitled to be upset at her opinion that she knows more about his dog than she does. He is not entitled to speak to her rudely. I know, I know, you're going to say that she was speaking to him rudely by interrupting his drinking to tell him she's smarter than he is, but that's where you don't get it. So honestly, keep on treating people badly because there's no point in having a conversation with you. The rest of us, and there are many, I am only one of many posters who disagree with you, will go about our happy lives.

Hee! Your "happy life" arguing with anons about things that didn't even happen to you, and may not have even happened at all... Cute.

What I get, plainly, is that some of you are so misandrist that he's going to be the AH, no matter what, because you can't possibly fathom that a woman did something stupid and participated in her own unhappiness. Good luck with that.

So you agree - this is not a “happy” notion, it’s caused her “unhappiness” by being cursed at. And in your mind, it’s justified because she didn’t know her place. We see how you view women. And it’s not the way most women want to be viewed.

Point to where anyone said it was "justified". I'll wait.

As for your comments about how "most women" want to be viewed, I'd hazard a guess that it's "not like children". OP is grown enough to recognize she played a role in this mess. She's not a victim, this didn't just happen to her out of the blue. Doesn't mean what he did was correct, just that she also was incorrect.

Why is that so hard for some of you to understand? And the answer is: misandry. Check yours.

Saying she deserves to get “clapped back” for “not knowing her place” is absolutely justifying it. You know we can read right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are people getting caught up in a word? It’s the intent that matters.

Actually, it's the impact which matters. Op is now doubting herself, him and the relationship. She has a history of abuse. If her bf is aware of her history, that makes his cussing at her that much worse.

If words have an impact that aren’t intended that’s called a mistake

Exactly. It happened once, he took responsibility and apologized...

Lot of people on this thread acting like they never screw up.

If you knew anything about abusers, you would know that this is their party line. Some people are smart enough to realize that.

This is confusing to me. So you expect perfection and anything short of perfection is abuse? Where are you going with this?

I don't understand why you are having such a hard time with this other than that you have been conditioned to think that some behavior is normal or acceptable when it is not.

The idea of "everyone screws up" or "he apologized so you should let it go" is the kind of thing abusers say to justify or excuse their behavior and get the victim to continue taking it.

That you keep insisting people here are saying they expect perfection is missing the point, which means you're either being intentionally obtuse or someone actually rewired your brain to think this way.

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Anonymous wrote:Why are people getting caught up in a word? It’s the intent that matters.

Actually, it's the impact which matters. Op is now doubting herself, him and the relationship. She has a history of abuse. If her bf is aware of her history, that makes his cussing at her that much worse.

If words have an impact that aren’t intended that’s called a mistake

Exactly. It happened once, he took responsibility and apologized...

Lot of people on this thread acting like they never screw up.

If you knew anything about abusers, you would know that this is their party line. Some people are smart enough to realize that.

This is confusing to me. So you expect perfection and anything short of perfection is abuse? Where are you going with this?

Manners and basic decency is not perfection. It is a minimum for normal conduct for an adult.

And this has to happen 100% of the time.. in other words, perfection.

An adult has to act like an adult 100% of the time or seek help to uncover why they aren't acting their age and to become emotionally mature. This is not perfection, it is standard operating procedure for adults.

I bet this guy wouldn’t tell his boss to shut the f*** up. People know how to be adults and show respect - to people they think are worthy of it.

He only punches down.

Eh. I think you’re unaware of how certain classes of people interact. 2 guys drinking, let’s say Verizon store employees, where the boss insults the employees dog? It could be worse than stfu and everyone would go to the work the next day like nothing happened.

I think people here live a very sheltered life.

Uh do you work at Verizon? Even if you do, I don’t think you would tell your boss to shut the f u c k up. Stop pretending you go around telling everyone this. You target women and others who you think you can control. You’re full of sh!t if you think men regularly go around swearing AT your bosses. You know how to behave when your pay check is on the line, you choose not to while behind closed doors.

Take as old as time.

Like I said, you live a sheltered life if you think there’s not a whole class of workers who, when drinking, wouldn’t tell their boss to stfu and then everyone go back to work the next day and it’s all fine.

Not everyone works in a corporate office or the government. The fact that you think everyone in the world is as buttoned up with language as you are is truly wild. It’s a big world out there. There are a lot of different people.

So you’re trying to turn it into a class thing now? Ops bf is a low class loser who swears at everyone? What a catch…

Not pp but way to prove the point, classless classist ass...

Pp isn’t the one that brought class into this discussion - you did. Many of us think this behavior is vulgar no matter what class you are.

To be fair, I did. I think there’s a lot of people struggling to understand there’s multiple posters here.

Anyway, it totally is a class thing - most things are whether you want to acknowledge it or not.

Different backgrounds and different classes communicate differently. People are different. Hence why I think the OP should ask her well-grounded, insightful, thoughtful friends for feedback. If I was going to fire someone in the workplace a 365 review would be a step I would take before firing - and I wouldn’t add the crazy person who rants and raves about everything on the list to be interviewed. It’s not complicated.