How did you learn of spouses affair?

[Anonymous]

I've got a bad feeling and am wondering how people have either discovered or otherwise learned of their spouses affair. I don't think I'm ready to know for certain just yet but I'd like to be prepared for it.

[Anonymous]

Her best friend spilled to her DH who then called me and told me. I suspected but did not know for sure. Confronted her without revealig the soruce and she confessed.

GL

[Anonymous]

Her husband called me and asked where my husband was. I said he was at a school board meeting. He said nope, he's at the Marriott. And he was.

[Anonymous]

Read an email where she was asking for money as she was pregnant by him now.I divorced him, but I think the kid ended up being somebody else's.I guess he got played too...

[Anonymous]

After he had been sullen for two months, I told him we needed to talk about what was bothering him. He asked for a divorce out of nowhere saying he had been thinking about it for a while. Next day went through his computer and discovered the gchats and messages on fb.

[Anonymous]

Had an off feeling about a business trip, poked through his social media and found some messages with an unfamiliar name (public, nothing I had to sneak around to find), hopped over to her social media sites (also public) and discovered a treasure trove of comments about her "boyfriend in dc," flirty messages directed at him, jokes about being a mistress, and confirmation that she was on the trip with him.

Pro tip-if you want to keep your affair secret, don't flaunt it all over twitter and facebook on unlocked accounts.

[Anonymous]

My sister saw a text message from her DH's girlfriend.

I think that if you suspect, there is a 90% chance that you are right. You should trust your gut on this one. Dig for information, but do not confront with out hard evidence. Cheaters lie, and a cheater will lie to your face plus starting covering his or her tracks better, making it harder to get the proof you need.

And don't listen to the naysayers on here who say "why do you need proof?" You need it so you don't feel crazy, and so that your spouse cannot paint you as crazy to everyone else.

www.survivinginfidelity.com has great advice and support, too. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Yes, you always need proof before speaking. Otherwise honest, decent people will lie about cheating, even when you ARE holding evidence. Human nature.

[Anonymous]

My DH told me shortly afterwards.

[Anonymous]

Took a look at his cell phone records. Lots of calls to an unknown number. Did a reverse cell phone lookup (you can google that). Found out the location. Knew immediately who it was. Printed out the cell records. Confronted. Emailed the other spouse. Sent other spouse the cell records. Affair over.

[Anonymous]

Saw some suspect texts. Co fronted him about them. He admitted to some innocent coffee dates (he couldn't deny they met up, the texts including things like "ok see you soon"). Asked to visit his work to see what he's been working on. After seeing his work I proceeded to search his office. Was closing a drawer when a little voice told me to look at a piece of paper inside. I opened the drawer again, looked at the item and it was a hotel bill. I bitch slapped the bastard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Took a look at his cell phone records. Lots of calls to an unknown number. Did a reverse cell phone lookup (you can google that). Found out the location. Knew immediately who it was. Printed out the cell records. Confronted. Emailed the other spouse. Sent other spouse the cell records. Affair over.

I never get anything on free reverse cell lookups. Did you use a paid service?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My sister saw a text message from her DH's girlfriend.

I think that if you suspect, there is a 90% chance that you are right. You should trust your gut on this one. Dig for information, but do not confront with out hard evidence. Cheaters lie, and a cheater will lie to your face plus starting covering his or her tracks better, making it harder to get the proof you need.

And don't listen to the naysayers on here who say "why do you need proof?" You need it so you don't feel crazy, and so that your spouse cannot paint you as crazy to everyone else.

www.survivinginfidelity.com has great advice and support, too. Good luck.

Ditto this. It's totally your gut. And the cheater does such a good cover up and lies that they make you feel like you're crazy even thinking that way. I had a gut feeling for awhile as my X always kept that damn BB close to him. And his lies didn't make sense. Long story that I won't bore you with but if you sense it, you're probably right.

You say you're not sure if you want to confront yet. Do you know if you'll stay or leave if there is cheating? If you think you'll leave, plan now on stashing some cash and copying all financial records. It's better to have an exit plan if you expect the divorce to go badly. Even if you don't expect that, it's never easy. Protect yourself and no unprotected sex as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My sister saw a text message from her DH's girlfriend.

I think that if you suspect, there is a 90% chance that you are right. You should trust your gut on this one. Dig for information, but do not confront with out hard evidence. Cheaters lie, and a cheater will lie to your face plus starting covering his or her tracks better, making it harder to get the proof you need.

Completely agree. This is how it went for me. Accidentally saw suspicious text messages. Spent some time digging around and confirming what it was before I confronted. First reaction was denial and playing it down, until he realized how much I knew.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Her husband called me and asked where my husband was. I said he was at a school board meeting. He said nope, he's at the Marriott. And he was.

This really makes me sick. So sorry, PP. Are you still together? Did you truly sense nothing?