Looking for encouragement, BFN again ;(
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Anonymous
I'm 36 so not that old, and have been TTC and just got my third BFN. I have two other kids who were conceived easily on the second and first try. I even bought the monitor and did everything right this last cycle. Guess I just got my hopes up and am feeling very sad and disappointed and would love and appreciate some encouragement. I am ovulating and have no reason to believe I have a problem. Thanks, just feeling sad 
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Anonymous
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Try having more sex. Sounds so simple, but when you already have some, it's harder than you think. Also, try having sex in a longer window of time. We conceived SO easily with my first (and I had an oops pregnancy when younger, though it ended in miscarriage). But like you, this time around took much longer! I was using one of those ovulation kits that measures your LH surge. It turns out that I had the surge but was actually ovulating MUCH later than I thought. So I was frontloading the sex, based on what my "sticks" were suggesting was my fertile window, but once I got 3 days out from the ovulation stopped when my fertility read "low" again, but I think I was one of those women ovulating 36 / 48 hours after my LH surge. The ONE month I got pregnant, we ONLY had sex on the days after I ovulated, as opposed to before (due to DH's travel) and most of the days we had sex was after the clearblue said my fertility was back to being low. So, if (and this is a big if, since you didn't say) you're relying on "scientific evidence" of your fertility, remember that the body doesn't always get the memo that it should ovulate 24 hours after your LH surge, etc. Plus, stress could disrupt ovulation, then your body could just do it again later in the month.
Anyway, it took 8 months (some of them where we just KNEW we weren't hitting the right target) before it actually happened, after first try conception and even an oops. So, don't lose heart! |
Anonymous
| OP, I am in the same situation. First 2 kids were easily conceived, and now at 35, I just got my 5th BFN. I've charted the last 2 months and used the CB advanced OPK, and everything appears to be in sync. So I'm also frustrated, but trying to keep it in perspective, especially for all the women who went through so much to conceive at all. I mentioned to my OB and she said to check in with her after 6 months if not pg. by then. However, I'd be interested in hearing from others who had a wait with conceiving #3 or higher, and whether it was just a matter of waiting it out or whether intervention of some type helped. |
Anonymous
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Hang in there. I know it's not what you want to hear, but 3 months isn't that long - it DOES feel like an eternity, and it IS sad and frustrating, I know that very well myself, but it doesn't mean there's something wrong. I never used the monitor, but I charted with basel body temp and found that most helpful.
For me we had sex every other day starting at the end of my period, up until the day after I ovulated. Both my BFPs were on that schedule, but everyone's cycle is different. Good luck! |
Anonymous
| 5 months is average OP so no need to freak out quite yet. |
Anonymous
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Op here. Thank you to everyone who kindly replied. I have just been tearful and anxious since my period came.
PP, you may be right w going with too much scientific data. I stopped after the high day after the two peak days but still had EWCM a little but bc I spotted during what I assumed was ovulation I thought it was just leftover, but maybe we stopped too soon. Who knows. It's exhausting and I'm just sad. Thank you. |
Anonymous
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I know you know this and I know you probably don't want to hear this (I didn't!)... 3 cycles is really not that many, especially at 36 versus say, 26. At 33, it took us 13 cycles, and when I was freaking out at cycles 3-13, every where I turned there was a reminder that taking up to a year is really perfectly normal. (Up to 6 months after 35.)
Some things that helped me... doing everything I could to understand and control the process - the part that I could control at least. That meant following the Taking Charge of Your Fertility charting process, charting using Fertility Friend app, tracked bbt and CM, used the CBEF monitor, OPKs, inserted Pre-seed (lube that mimics cervical mucus), and even kind of crazily used Softcups (which I did use the cycle I got a BFP!), drank freaking red raspberry leaf tea, took evening primrose oil, I even did acupuncture for a couple of cycles - everything! I had clockwork cycles and confirmed ovulation every cycle, had pretty darned near perfectly timed sex. DH had his sperm tested around cycle 8 or 9 and it was great. So... sometimes it just takes awhile. The cycle I got my BFP was the cycle before we were to start clomid/IUI and I never in a million years thought that cycle would work. It was definitely not our best timed sex cycle. I worry about how hard it will be to try for #2, and I think I will really just focus on the monitor and charting and just have a ton of sex for the whole fertile period. I agree with PP, the data can become too much - it is really helpful - but you also need to follow your gut on EWCM. And just have as much fun with it as you possibly can. Wishing you lots of luck for next cycle! |
Anonymous
What are softcups?? |
Anonymous
| I got pregnant on the third try-- I bought pre-seed and used it. I have no idea if it made a difference, but it can't hurt! Look for it at Target. You can also take regular Robitussin for a few days leading up to ovulation to increase your CM. Fear not, OP- there's only a 25% chance of conception even if all systems are a go- so you're still within that!! |
Anonymous
+1 This was us, too. 12 cycles at age 33 when it took one at age 27. Fertility friend App, charting Basal temps daily (6 am! rise and shine!), Ovulation Predictor sticks (cheap on Amazon!), acupuncture twice a month for 6 months, raspberry tea, daily prenatal, B complex, perfectly timed sex, yoga, daily walks, etc. I am now 20 weeks along. It was a long, hard slog through the year until we conceived (with two m/c, too) - and it got to be very frustrating, month after month. But then it worked! And it's given me more appreciation for the miracle that is having a child. Cheesy, but true. A hundred things need to go right just to get the sperm to join the egg. And then another hundred thousand things have to go right to get to the place where you have a baby in your arms. It may take some time, so just stay positive, stay healthy, and hope for the best. |
Anonymous
Google Softcups and TTC and you'll find a lot. They are designed as disposable alternatives to tampons, essentially a little reservoir to capture one's flow, but there is a lot of evidence that used while TTC that they keep the sperm closer to your cervix for longer. The company has even filed with FDA to market them as a conception aid. Pretty easy to use actually and I figured why the hell not. |
Anonymous
| What does raspberry leaf tea do? And where can you buy it? |
Anonymous
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So you easily conceived two children, and are sad that you haven't been able to conceive your third after 3 short months of trying?
OP, that's a little ridiculous. I know it sucks and you probably want it to happen immediately, but that's just not realistic. I for one would love to be in your position. |
Anonymous
I'm the PP that first mentioned it. Something about toning and relaxing your uterus and balancing your hormones. I don't know if I buy into it, but that didn't stop me from trying it!  You can find it at any vitamin place that sells teas. I bought it on Amazon - I think it was called FertilitTea or something hokey like that. But if I tried it again, I would just get straight up Red Raspberry Leaf Tea and not the FertiliTea stuff.
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Anonymous
Why? |