Newly Married, Separate Finances?
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Anonymous
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Recently married, thinking of keeping separate bank accounts. Plan is to have one joint bank account from which joint expenses (rent, utilities, groceries etc.) are paid and separate bank accounts for separate expenses (going out with friends, gifts, haircuts, etc.). Agreed to split expenses 60/40 (me/her for now, based on salary but we may adjust from time to time for raises/unforeseen expenses) so we'll get a rough figure of monthly expenses and contribute to the joint account each month accordingly + an extra cushion so the account isn't overdrawn. Joint credit card for joint expenses paid from joint account and we keep our separate cards paid from separate accounts.
Neither of us is trying to nickle and dime the other so, for example, if there's a personal care item mixed in with joint stuff from the grocery store it's whatever. Taxes will be pro rata (total liability prorated by share of income) and 401k will be separate property. I assume at some point in the near future we should get a post-nuptial agreement laying all this out but was curious whether this is going to be a giant pain in the ass or whether this will be manageable? Also, am I missing anything? |
Anonymous
| This was how we did it when we were first married, when we were renting and each had our own cars. It will probably need to be reworked if/when you buy a house and/or have kids. |
Anonymous
| This sounds complicated to me. Doing everything joint works better for me and DH. |
Anonymous
This is how we've been doing it since we moved in together 18 years ago (married 13 years). We actually started off 60/40 as well when we bought the house, but eventually went to 50/50 when my income rose, and he forgave me the "loan." 
We each put a certain (equal) amount in the joint account on payday, which pays for mortgage, utilities, joint credit card (groceries, dining out, household expenses, travel), and the like. Then we each have our own money in our own accounts to do with what we want. This is a setup that has long worked for us and I can't ever see changing it. But it helps to be on a very similar wavelength in terms of handling money (we each max our 401ks, and have decent savings). Also, have the joint checking account truly be a joint account, with both names on it, where both of you can access it online or through Quicken or whatever. |
Anonymous
| ^^ Should mention that we don't have kids. |
Anonymous
OP here: How did you guys handle the downpayment on the house (I assume the "loan" you're referring to is the 10% differential over a few years)? I don't think 50/50 or even 60/40 is going to be an option for us. Also, did you guys get a prenupt/postnupt just in case? My thought, which I'm pretty sure she'll agree with, is that all child related expenses would be joint. |
Anonymous
Boy, that's a long time ago.... Let me think.... I think the downpayment was 60-40 too. The loan was only $212k though, so it might be a bit more eye-popping of a difference now than it was for us. And yes, the "loan" meant the differential. No nupts, pre- or post-. And considering we weren't married when we bought the house, I can see now why both sets of parents freaked out a bit. But it worked out. It sounds like your situation is a bit more uneven than ours was (and it was probably only three years before I was able to go 50-50, I think it happened on our first refinance). But even though I still make less than he does, we still put the same amount in the joint account each month, even though that means it's a higher percentage of my income than his. It's probably a good thing he wasn't too persnickety about "his" money and me not being an even partner in the early days, because I've now got a pretty big inheritance coming, and if I had heard too much of that, I might be about to parrot it back.
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Anonymous
| I'm truly not trying to be snarky, but these posts surprise me. I've been married 4 years, no kids, similar salaries, and we have joint everything (bank/brokerage accounts, credit cards, vehicles, etc). I married my husband with the expectation that he would support me financially if I decided to quit working - how will these contributions change when children come into the picture or one spouse stops working? |
Anonymous
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How old are you, what kind of resources are you talking about, and does one or both of you have some separate financial or caregiving obligation that predates your marriage (eg, kids elsewhwere, etc).
If you're relatively young, no other entanglements, merge them. You can decide that each has a small side account with some "fun money" that you don't want the other to see and is not the other person's business what you do with. But other than that, don't create headaches. Or, if you're just not that sure about the other person and don't believe them to be trustworthy, divorce now and get a jump on things. |
Anonymous
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Interesting article in Slate about this subject yesterday.
http://www.slate.com/blogs/xx_factor/2013/09/20/marriage_and_money_couples_who_pool_their_income_may_end_up_happier.html |
Anonymous
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What are you going to do when you have kids? Will your wife have to save up for maternity leave so that she can take off to take care of your child and recover? What if one of you gets sick and can't afford to pay their "share"?
All of the couples that I know that have separate accounts fight over money. It tends to become very nit picky. |
Anonymous
OP here: I guess I see us as a team and I expect both of us to work to support the family unit. We make good money to support our modest lifestyle but I don't think finances will permit either of us to not work. Obviously it's a different story if one of us becomes sick (although we have disability insurance coverage until 65 so maybe that doesn't matter) and the plan is to use daycare when we have children. If our future child has special needs or there's a situation with aging parents then we should have a financial history at that point that we can look at and determine if it's possible for one of us to not work or work part time. |
Anonymous
OP here. I thought maternity leave was covered by short term disability, perhaps not? If not, having children is a joint decision so if (but probably when ) we decide to have them we would map out a financial plan that works. I'll be the first to admit I don't have all of the answers and I agree this isn't a perfect system, but joint finances isn't without its disadvantages either.
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Anonymous
OP here: I'm 30. I think I have about $120Kish and she has about $60Kish. I do have a financial obligation that predates the marriage and that's a large part of what's driving this. It's not a lack of trust issue but I'd just rather her not see the money being diverted elsewhere so by keeping it as "my" money it's out of sight out of mind. It's my issue and as much as I possibly can I want to compartmentalize it so I don't drag her into it. I guess the other side of it is that I've seen a fair amount of divorces and things get really nasty so I think an ounce of prevention is better than a pound of cure. Unfortunately, sometimes shit happens and as much as I'd like to think we're "special" I'm sure most people getting divorced years down the road thought the same thing. |
Anonymous
This does not sound like a marriage to me. It sounds like two roommates. I could never operate like this. |