Am I the only one who doesn't feel bored as a stay at home mom?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:The implication in this thread is that staying at home is preferable to working and the women posting that they aren’t bored seem to b8e gloating about it. So that is what is bringing out the venom from the working moms. Maybe I should start a thread about how great it is to be a working mom and see how the SAHMs respond.

Go ahead. I do think staying home is great. That is why I do it. Why should I pretend that it sucks? If you prefer working, fine by me.

Seriously! I agree completely. Besides which, we hear all the time from these DCUM WOHMs how they vastly prefer working to SAH. Doesn't bother me or affect me one iota.

If you're totally secure that you are using your intellectual ability and won't regret the time at home, it shouldn't bother you.

I know, right? Kind of like the way you and your fellow harpies aren't insecure AT ALL about the mere existence of a thread in which SAHMs are saying how much they love being home. It doesn't bother you one bit.

Why are you descending to name-calling? I know there has been no reciprocal name calling of SAHMs. What was said that raised vitriol to this degree?

Lol, there seems to be one woh poster who has really lost it.

The PP above you asked a good question. Stop with the troll-y business.

Get your own thread. Jesus. You are annoying.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:The implication in this thread is that staying at home is preferable to working and the women posting that they aren’t bored seem to b8e gloating about it. So that is what is bringing out the venom from the working moms. Maybe I should start a thread about how great it is to be a working mom and see how the SAHMs respond.

Go ahead. I do think staying home is great. That is why I do it. Why should I pretend that it sucks? If you prefer working, fine by me.

Seriously! I agree completely. Besides which, we hear all the time from these DCUM WOHMs how they vastly prefer working to SAH. Doesn't bother me or affect me one iota.

If you're totally secure that you are using your intellectual ability and won't regret the time at home, it shouldn't bother you.

I know, right? Kind of like the way you and your fellow harpies aren't insecure AT ALL about the mere existence of a thread in which SAHMs are saying how much they love being home. It doesn't bother you one bit.

Why are you descending to name-calling? I know there has been no reciprocal name calling of SAHMs. What was said that raised vitriol to this degree?

Lol, there seems to be one woh poster who has really lost it.

So asking why you feel the conversation warrants calling other moms ugly names is 'losing it'? I definitely am lost b/c that doesn't make sense either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are there people who claim to be bored as a stay at home mom? I haven't met anyone who said that.

The whole premise of this thread is incongruous, as I didn't even know that being bored as a SAHM was a thing! I mean, I guess people can be bored or retirement, but it's pretty far from the first assumption.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Newsflash: Raising kids is a contribution to society.

Newsflash: you can raise kids, plus have a career.

You can. Or you can stay home. Or you can work for part of their lives and stay home for part. We all get to decide. Life is crazy like that.

I agree, but anyone can contribute to society by raising kids. Some of us ask ourselves if that is enough.

A lot of people do a crappy job. Someone needs to take on the heavy lifting of raising children properly.

Some of us can raise wonderful children and still use full time daycare. Lucky? Sure. Impossible? Not at all. What suffers is our female friendships because family, work and maybe exercise can fit in but not much else. The SAHMs in my neighborhood are very tight, due to having spent years together when the WOHMs were furthering their careers.

Sure. Exercise and friendships. That is all that suffers.

I'm game, what else suffers, and does the same thing(s) suffer when Dad WOH FT?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I really love it but maybe I'm doing it wrong!

as everyone knows. you have to have vagina to do this. not sure what happened to feminism. all the rich liberals in our mclean neighborhood have the wives stay at home.

Which goes to show feminism is alive and well. Good for these women for choosing something that was important to them and to their families. Oh, and to society. Having choices is what it's all about. Clearly, you didn't get the memo in your Womyns Studies 101 class.

How many men who are not downsized "choose" to be SAHDs? If we didn't need feminism, more men would take on the at home parent role.

They do have that choice, they just don't exercise it as often.

And why is that?

Conditioned to think it is not valuable. Just like you. I happen to disagree.

If women are SAH out of free choice today, and not "conditioned" to think they can't raise their children well with a FT job outside the home, then give me a little credit. I don't enjoy the domestic arts and I really enjoy getting up and going to work. I don't even think my WOH is valuable primarily for the money, I see no need to SAH for my particular family setup and children.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I just don't feel comfortable knowing that my life is made entirely possible by someone else's largesse. I've always felt this way, even as a child when I realized some moms don't work outside the home. It's an uncomfortable feeling.

I've been married 30 years and have been at home all but about six of them. DH and I are both 50. I feel 100% comfortable knowing my life is made entirely possible by my DH's income. He would tell you that his life is made 100% possible by me managing our home. So it works out well in our family.

But if it gives you an uncomfortable feeling, you should definitely continue working.

Fantastic answer and 100% true. I worked for 11 years and have been fortunate enough to be home for 12. I just laugh at the simpletons who can't grasp that marriage is a team effort, not an exercise in bean counting. My husband is my biggest champion, and I am his - no matter which way our "division of duties" is divvied up.

MY marriage is not a team effort, it's an exercise in bean counting, which is why we both work full time. Not ideal, but yeah, it is, so neither of us would ever let the other SAH. In fact, we both make roughly the same amount (in 2016, I made 55% of the HHI).

That is pretty pathetic that you even admit yours is a marriage based on bean counting. And that neither of you would "ever let the other SAH." Wow. How awful, to compete not only at work, but also in your marriage. Sad for your kids, too.

At least I'm not in denial. Many SAHMs think they are equal partners, when really, their husbands pick the vacation destination or the next car, and let their wives worry about the details. What can a SAHM do if her husband decides to stay for a couple of days of vacation after a business trip?

Wow! A few things are crystal clear, just from reading your post.
1. Your marriage sounds incredibly tense and passive aggressive. Not to mention, sad and strange.
2. You're projecting your baggage onto people with much healthier marriages.

In my family, we ALL pick the vacation destination and then I get the fun of planning it, which I love.
When my husband goes on a business trip, he's the first to try and make it as short as possible because he'd rather just come home. Unless I go with him on said trip, however, which I do about once or twice a year. Then he definitely takes some extra vacation days that we can enjoy together. You should try it sometime!

The car and vacation examples are both drawn from two real life SAHM friends. In both cases, the women are not only SAH, they are 8 and 12 years younger than their husbands. In the car example, my friend wanted a family car when theirs broke down, her husband wanted something more business friendly. He said, "If we can't agree, I'll just buy the car I want without your agreement." Not all marriages with a WOHH and a SAHW are healthy.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I'm a WOHM, but I wouldn't be bored being a SAHM at all. If you're doing it right, you wouldn't be bored. And I mean park trips, museum trips, library story times, music classes, lots of sensory play and outdoor play.

We all know good and bad SAHMs and WOHMs, lets not generalize. Some people are better suited to one versus the other.

What about once your youngest child is in full day school?

Whenever I hear this question (not the PP, btw), I know there's got to be jealousy at play. Otherwise, why on earth would you care what we do once our children are in school?

I don't care what you do when you have children too young for school, either, but it's not jealousy, it's asking honestly how you plan to fill those extra 32 hours a week. I've never SAH, I can't imagine what I would do with all that free time. I guess life just slows way down.

Yes, and it's fantastic.

To each their own. I'm way too young to slow down.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:The implication in this thread is that staying at home is preferable to working and the women posting that they aren’t bored seem to be gloating about it. So that is what is bringing out the venom from the working moms. Maybe I should start a thread about how great it is to be a working mom and see how the SAHMs respond.

I can’t image very many would respond at all. I have lots of friends who WOH. I’m amazed at their ability to juggle so much.

The only time I judge a WOHM is when she she spends 50+ hours a week away from her kids. I would say the same about a SAHM who was never with her kids. And I will admit to feeling strongly that babies and young children need to be with their mothers. When men carry a baby for nine months and are able to breastfeed, I’ll feel differently. Everything about the way we are designed makes it clear that it is not natural or healthy for a mother to spend hours and hours away from her baby.

I had 50 hours of childcare per week for more than 10 years. I used about 47 of them regularly. When you don't have any family to give you a break and have a demanding career, it's necessary. My relationships with my now teens is just fine, and unlike you, didn't feel that I needed to cut back on my career.

The only appropriate response to this is: Holy shit.

Why? I am raising wonderful children and we are a close family. Plus both of us parents managed to maintain our careers full steam. To me, that's success.

Sure, whatever you need to tell yourself! I'm certain that one hour per day you spend with your kids is really paying dividends in the "close family" department.

LOL at one hour a day. My kids are gone from 8 to 6 each day in clubs or sports (middle and high school aged, no more childcare needed) but we find plenty of time to be together in the evenings as a family. How many hours does your DH spend with the children on the average weekday, or are you raising the kids on behalf of both parents, so he doesn't need to spend time with them since he has you as his proxy?

[Anonymous]

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The one thing happy SAHMs that I know have in common is no matter how intelligent or well educated, they don't have a strong professional drive.

Does this mean that high professional drive women don't have high drive to become mothers? If so, then why do they have kids?

See, inferences like these are what make people think that stay at home moms aren't very smart. How exactly does your statement follow from hers, logically?

Not the PP, but you must be joking. The question is absolutely relevant, especially if we're to entertain the first statement, that SAHMs "don't have a strong professional drive."

I realize that it must be difficult to process the second question because it clearly hit a nerve (especially if you're the mom who had 50 hours/week of childcare). But try reading slowly. I know you can do it!

God, you're stupid. You didn't read about logical fallacy, did you? The drive to become a mother is biological; working in no way interferes with the desire to be a mother. Educate yourself.

You're the person who uses 50 hours of childcare per week, right? Sounds like your "desire to become a mother" was no more than your desire to check that task off your to-do list. But sure, we believe you. Especially if you're the PP who keeps coming back to tell SAHMs what a poor choice they made and how if we're "secure in our choices," then criticism shouldn't bother us. I suggest you take your own advice.

It's curious that you're trolling a thread which has nothing to do with you, dontcha think? Kind of an insecure thing to do.

Why is a dad considered a good parent if he is gone more than 40 hours a week for work, but not a mom? Would you feel differently if I said I was gone from my kids for work for 47 hours a week, but instead of childcare, my husband was a SAHD?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Those who want to rag on SAHM's as lazy dependents should GO AWAY. You are the opposite of feminists as you are devaluing traditional work done by women in the home. You want to outsource it? Fine. Don't minimize my valuable contributions.

You can't outsource earning an income.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Are there people who claim to be bored as a stay at home mom? I haven't met anyone who said that.

The whole premise of this thread is incongruous, as I didn't even know that being bored as a SAHM was a thing! I mean, I guess people can be bored or retirement, but it's pretty far from the first assumption.

My mother was bored as hell as a SAHM. You really have never heard a highly educated mother complain about the lack of intellectual stimulation in her life, even in a whisper?

[Anonymous]

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The one thing happy SAHMs that I know have in common is no matter how intelligent or well educated, they don't have a strong professional drive.

Does this mean that high professional drive women don't have high drive to become mothers? If so, then why do they have kids?

See, inferences like these are what make people think that stay at home moms aren't very smart. How exactly does your statement follow from hers, logically?

Not the PP, but you must be joking. The question is absolutely relevant, especially if we're to entertain the first statement, that SAHMs "don't have a strong professional drive."

I realize that it must be difficult to process the second question because it clearly hit a nerve (especially if you're the mom who had 50 hours/week of childcare). But try reading slowly. I know you can do it!

God, you're stupid. You didn't read about logical fallacy, did you? The drive to become a mother is biological; working in no way interferes with the desire to be a mother. Educate yourself.

You're the person who uses 50 hours of childcare per week, right? Sounds like your "desire to become a mother" was no more than your desire to check that task off your to-do list. But sure, we believe you. Especially if you're the PP who keeps coming back to tell SAHMs what a poor choice they made and how if we're "secure in our choices," then criticism shouldn't bother us. I suggest you take your own advice.

It's curious that you're trolling a thread which has nothing to do with you, dontcha think? Kind of an insecure thing to do.

Why is a dad considered a good parent if he is gone more than 40 hours a week for work, but not a mom? Would you feel differently if I said I was gone from my kids for work for 47 hours a week, but instead of childcare, my husband was a SAHD?

He probably isn't. I don't think that the solution is to have two uninvolved parents.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:The implication in this thread is that staying at home is preferable to working and the women posting that they aren’t bored seem to be gloating about it. So that is what is bringing out the venom from the working moms. Maybe I should start a thread about how great it is to be a working mom and see how the SAHMs respond.

I can’t image very many would respond at all. I have lots of friends who WOH. I’m amazed at their ability to juggle so much.

The only time I judge a WOHM is when she she spends 50+ hours a week away from her kids. I would say the same about a SAHM who was never with her kids. And I will admit to feeling strongly that babies and young children need to be with their mothers. When men carry a baby for nine months and are able to breastfeed, I’ll feel differently. Everything about the way we are designed makes it clear that it is not natural or healthy for a mother to spend hours and hours away from her baby.

I had 50 hours of childcare per week for more than 10 years. I used about 47 of them regularly. When you don't have any family to give you a break and have a demanding career, it's necessary. My relationships with my now teens is just fine, and unlike you, didn't feel that I needed to cut back on my career.

The only appropriate response to this is: Holy shit.

Why? I am raising wonderful children and we are a close family. Plus both of us parents managed to maintain our careers full steam. To me, that's success.

Sure, whatever you need to tell yourself! I'm certain that one hour per day you spend with your kids is really paying dividends in the "close family" department.

LOL at one hour a day. My kids are gone from 8 to 6 each day in clubs or sports (middle and high school aged, no more childcare needed) but we find plenty of time to be together in the evenings as a family. How many hours does your DH spend with the children on the average weekday, or are you raising the kids on behalf of both parents, so he doesn't need to spend time with them since he has you as his proxy?

Mine doesn't spend enough. A lot more on the weekends, but definitely not enough during the week. The solution is not to have both parents do this. Like it or not, kids do need quantity of time with parents. Many dual parent couples can manage to do this and both work, but I don't think having kids without either parent for so much time is good for them.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I just don't feel comfortable knowing that my life is made entirely possible by someone else's largesse. I've always felt this way, even as a child when I realized some moms don't work outside the home. It's an uncomfortable feeling.

I've been married 30 years and have been at home all but about six of them. DH and I are both 50. I feel 100% comfortable knowing my life is made entirely possible by my DH's income. He would tell you that his life is made 100% possible by me managing our home. So it works out well in our family.

But if it gives you an uncomfortable feeling, you should definitely continue working.

Fantastic answer and 100% true. I worked for 11 years and have been fortunate enough to be home for 12. I just laugh at the simpletons who can't grasp that marriage is a team effort, not an exercise in bean counting. My husband is my biggest champion, and I am his - no matter which way our "division of duties" is divvied up.

MY marriage is not a team effort, it's an exercise in bean counting, which is why we both work full time. Not ideal, but yeah, it is, so neither of us would ever let the other SAH. In fact, we both make roughly the same amount (in 2016, I made 55% of the HHI).

That is pretty pathetic that you even admit yours is a marriage based on bean counting. And that neither of you would "ever let the other SAH." Wow. How awful, to compete not only at work, but also in your marriage. Sad for your kids, too.

At least I'm not in denial. Many SAHMs think they are equal partners, when really, their husbands pick the vacation destination or the next car, and let their wives worry about the details. What can a SAHM do if her husband decides to stay for a couple of days of vacation after a business trip?

Wow! A few things are crystal clear, just from reading your post.
1. Your marriage sounds incredibly tense and passive aggressive. Not to mention, sad and strange.
2. You're projecting your baggage onto people with much healthier marriages.

In my family, we ALL pick the vacation destination and then I get the fun of planning it, which I love.
When my husband goes on a business trip, he's the first to try and make it as short as possible because he'd rather just come home. Unless I go with him on said trip, however, which I do about once or twice a year. Then he definitely takes some extra vacation days that we can enjoy together. You should try it sometime!

The car and vacation examples are both drawn from two real life SAHM friends. In both cases, the women are not only SAH, they are 8 and 12 years younger than their husbands. In the car example, my friend wanted a family car when theirs broke down, her husband wanted something more business friendly. He said, "If we can't agree, I'll just buy the car I want without your agreement." Not all marriages with a WOHH and a SAHW are healthy.

You do understand that it is a relationship and individual dynamic vs a result of SAH vs WOH?
Selfish spouses are going to put self before family, like buy a car for their sole needs or overstay trips or stray or whatever. And they will do this whether spouse works or not.

Now in such a contentious relationship the woman working is better off as it gives you financial security, but then that couple is better off divorced in the first place.

However this thread is for happily married couples, who do exist in both SAH vs WOH families.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:
The one thing happy SAHMs that I know have in common is no matter how intelligent or well educated, they don't have a strong professional drive.

Does this mean that high professional drive women don't have high drive to become mothers? If so, then why do they have kids?

See, inferences like these are what make people think that stay at home moms aren't very smart. How exactly does your statement follow from hers, logically?

Not the PP, but you must be joking. The question is absolutely relevant, especially if we're to entertain the first statement, that SAHMs "don't have a strong professional drive."

I realize that it must be difficult to process the second question because it clearly hit a nerve (especially if you're the mom who had 50 hours/week of childcare). But try reading slowly. I know you can do it!

God, you're stupid. You didn't read about logical fallacy, did you? The drive to become a mother is biological; working in no way interferes with the desire to be a mother. Educate yourself.

You're the person who uses 50 hours of childcare per week, right? Sounds like your "desire to become a mother" was no more than your desire to check that task off your to-do list. But sure, we believe you. Especially if you're the PP who keeps coming back to tell SAHMs what a poor choice they made and how if we're "secure in our choices," then criticism shouldn't bother us. I suggest you take your own advice.

It's curious that you're trolling a thread which has nothing to do with you, dontcha think? Kind of an insecure thing to do.

Why is a dad considered a good parent if he is gone more than 40 hours a week for work, but not a mom? Would you feel differently if I said I was gone from my kids for work for 47 hours a week, but instead of childcare, my husband was a SAHD?

He probably isn't. I don't think that the solution is to have two uninvolved parents.

Exactly, I actually know more than a few stay at home male spouses of big law partners and surgeons.