Honestly: is 41 too old to have a baby?
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Anonymous
huh, I haven't found this to be the case at all. I'm in NW DC and have had 3 kids in both public and private PK and I'd say the average age of PK moms is about 35 to 38. There are a few each year in their mid 40's. There have been 1 or 2 turning 50. I'm now 41 with my last in PK and I'm clearly in the eldest 25% of parents in her class. Contrary to what you hear on this forum, most people (EVEN IN DC!) have their kids in their early to mid 30's. Every mom on my block did (again, NW DC). They're all highly successful, Ivy educated, (yes, even some law partners or senior associates). But they had kids in their early to mid 30's. |
Anonymous
If they are in their 40s in pre K that means they had the baby in their late 30s... simple math. Also, some of those 40s moms are really in their 30s .... just look old. |
Anonymous
| I'm 41 today and although I'm not pregnant I hope to be this year. I'm getting married in November and hope to have a baby when I an 42 (god willing). While I do worry about being tired I don't want to go through life not experiencing it. I have always been healthy so god willing I will see my child into his or her 20,s. |
Anonymous
+100 If she is 41 now in PreK, it means she had the last when she was 38, not 41. |
Anonymous
| I'm bothered by the people who are negative about people having kids over 40 because I will likely be one of them. It wasn't my choice to wait but I didn't meet my life partner until later in life. Not all of us have the good fortune of having these things happen in our 30's. I say if our bodies and minds say we can do it then we can do it! |
Anonymous
Very well said, thank you. I feel the same way, no kids, will be 42 this year, but want to experience it as well. |
Anonymous
I had a baby at 42 and conceived naturally. GL!!! |
Anonymous
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I am 44 and surprised by how many people ask me if I am going to go for another. I have an 8.5 and 6 year old. 2 is all I ever wanted.
I always say 'I'm done. Too old.' And they say 'no you aren't!" When I tell them my age their eyes pop out of their heads. I am generally placed mid-late 30s. |
Anonymous
People don't realize how hard child upbringing is on you and your spouse. 4 years after birth and you are almost totally burned out. Teen years another torture. |
Anonymous
+1 My sibling had her kids at 27, 29 and 32. She has one left at home. She is 48. I am 44 with an 8.5 and 6 year old. She says the teen years will age the hell out if you---add in menopause and aging parents and that's a shitload if stress. So many people focus on baby/toddler years and have no concept of how taxing older ages can be. The activities and homework and college process are tough. Look at the big picture. If it were a kid now vs no kids I might be inclined at 41---just adding siblings 'no |
Anonymous
Yes, I know you are a special case. That does not change that you will have teens in your late 50s. And college in your 60s. Where's retirement -- oh you will be a very young 70. |
Anonymous
| OP, please remember that bitterness, envy and worry, all shorten your life in much the same way as cigarette smoking. Don't listen to the negativity. I had my first at 38, 2nd at 40 and 3rd at 42. Now at 51 years people think I am in my early 40's (actually had a 20 something think I was 38). I had no pregnancy problems, nursed all three, all three are healthy, happy, thriving young children. Yes my last one was a bit more difficult with the sleep deprivation and I do have moments of worry that I will not be around for grandchildren but they keep me young, active and healthy for now and I wouldn't change a thing. In hindsight, if I had-had the choice, I would have preferred all by age 38 but the cards were not dealt that way for me. Also, I think older parents make better parents because we are completely done with "sowing our wild seeds" and "self absorbed all about me years". So honey it is all about what you and your husband want and NO ONE else matters. If you are healthy and in a healthy supportive marriage GO FOR IT, you will not regret it. |
Anonymous
I'm 48 with an 11 (almost 12) and a 13 (almost 14) year old. The baby/toddler years were absolutely exhausting but fun, too. So far preteen/teen have been easy with my kids. At this point they are more help than work in my view and they are fun people to be around. I know that the teen years can be brutal with some kids and we're not out of the woods, yet. But so far...we've lucked out. Cross fingers. |
Anonymous
Why do you assume that no one can retire until the kids are through college? Many older moms were able to squirrel away significant resources before starting their families. |
Anonymous
I am not sure I follow your logic. I had my first at 38 and now my second at 41. We just refinanced our mortgage a few years back to a 15 yr one. The house will be fully paid off by the time DC#1 goes to college so we'll be using our mortgage payment towards her tuition rather than housing. Given that college is 4 years long and DC#2 will be done when I'm 63. I don't know what you mean by retirement at 70. B/t/w if you have children later in life (which I am not advocating for anyone here) you presumably have more saved before kids. For example, DH and I hit 7 figures in our retirement accounts last year. With a high mortgage (n. arlington neighborhood), childcare for 2 we can stop contributing the maximum to our accounts and just do the minimum w/ matching during these leaner times before both reach kindergarten. My plan is to retire before 65. In the federal government, I qualify for retirement by 57, and as long as I don't access the annuity payments until I am 60 or so, I can still receive the maximum. |