Honestly: is 41 too old to have a baby?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It would be for me. I'd also be way too nervous about all the possible birth defects.

That's why we have amnio

Except not all parents are willing to abort a child with birth defects.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm 41 today and although I'm not pregnant I hope to be this year. I'm getting married in November and hope to have a baby when I an 42 (god willing). While I do worry about being tired I don't want to go through life not experiencing it. I have always been healthy so god willing I will see my child into his or her 20,s.

I had a baby at 42 and conceived naturally. GL!!!

+1 And he is 6 and finishing 1st grade and an absolute joy! My DH is retiring this year so we will enjoy his childhood together

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, please remember that bitterness, envy and worry, all shorten your life in much the same way as cigarette smoking. Don't listen to the negativity. I had my first at 38, 2nd at 40 and 3rd at 42. Now at 51 years people think I am in my early 40's (actually had a 20 something think I was 38). I had no pregnancy problems, nursed all three, all three are healthy, happy, thriving young children. Yes my last one was a bit more difficult with the sleep deprivation and I do have moments of worry that I will not be around for grandchildren but they keep me young, active and healthy for now and I wouldn't change a thing. In hindsight, if I had-had the choice, I would have preferred all by age 38 but the cards were not dealt that way for me. Also, I think older parents make better parents because we are completely done with "sowing our wild seeds" and "self absorbed all about me years". So honey it is all about what you and your husband want and NO ONE else matters. If you are healthy and in a healthy supportive marriage GO FOR IT, you will not regret it.

Your oldest is 9, so you've not yet hit the teen years. While I doubt you are 51 and look 38, this certainly won't be true once the teen years are upon you.

And older parents are no more qualified than those who parent in their 20's or 30's. It does not always give you an advantage of patience, money or anything else. If anything, I have found that older parents regret having children more because they lived the child-free life longer and find the transition difficult or not as wonderful as they thought it would be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm bothered by the people who are negative about people having kids over 40 because I will likely be one of them. It wasn't my choice to wait but I didn't meet my life partner until later in life. Not all of us have the good fortune of having these things happen in our 30's. I say if our bodies and minds say we can do it then we can do it!

Yes, I know you are a special case. That does not change that you will have teens in your late 50s. And college in your 60s. Where's retirement -- oh you will be a very young 70.

Why do you assume that no one can retire until the kids are through college? Many older moms were able to squirrel away significant resources before starting their families.

I don't find this to be true, at all. Especially when you factor in the high costs of IVF/adoption.

[Anonymous]

Just had my third at 43. No problems conceiving, no birth defects. Natural birth. I'm not old. What i do have now is money to support my children. Something i didnt have in my 20s. Plus i know twenty ywar olds with children born with birth defects or Downs. It can happen at any age. Just do all the tests and you will be fine. Also want to add that here in DC people have children later. Its the new normal. You will be in good company!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm bothered by the people who are negative about people having kids over 40 because I will likely be one of them. It wasn't my choice to wait but I didn't meet my life partner until later in life. Not all of us have the good fortune of having these things happen in our 30's. I say if our bodies and minds say we can do it then we can do it!

Yes, I know you are a special case. That does not change that you will have teens in your late 50s. And college in your 60s. Where's retirement -- oh you will be a very young 70.

Why do you assume that no one can retire until the kids are through college? Many older moms were able to squirrel away significant resources before starting their families.

I don't find this to be true, at all. Especially when you factor in the high costs of IVF/adoption.

+1 60 with a 12 year old.

[Anonymous]

I gave birth at 43. Kid is 6 now. He is the joy of my life. I stay home but may work from home later on. dh is 12 years younger than me and I am more involved with our child. I take him to tae kwon do, soccer, baseball, swimming, music etc. Sure the teen years will be rough but aren't they rough for everyone?

Now do I give a rat's ass about the other parents who are annoying like some of the pps on here? Sorry, no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I gave birth at 43. Kid is 6 now. He is the joy of my life. I stay home but may work from home later on. dh is 12 years younger than me and I am more involved with our child. I take him to tae kwon do, soccer, baseball, swimming, music etc. Sure the teen years will be rough but aren't they rough for everyone?

Now do I give a rat's ass about the other parents who are annoying like some of the pps on here? Sorry, no.

Rock on!

[Anonymous]

Gay men can now become parents, as well as lesbian women. What right does anyone have to judge a woman over 40? I couldn't care less what someone else thinks.

For women who had their kids young, they are usually grandmothers in their 40s and still chasing after babies and toddlers! I wouldn't talk too soon or be so smug of I were a young mother about how your life is going to be so well planned out and you won't have a baby with special needs.

[Anonymous]

I'm all for people having kids in their 40s, just as long as they truly weight the pros and cons. That said, some of the arguments on here are not really on the mark. Sure you can have a child with SN in your 20s (or 30s like me), but after 40 your chances skyrocket. I would not have my life any other way, but I would say some people are being flippant on here.

Also, yes we can get illnesses and even die in our 20s, but once gain our chances go up in our 40s so you need to remember that and also have a support network.Also, pregnancy itself can set things off and it is often harder on the body later in life.

I am not saying don't do it, what I am saying is I think this thread is skewed and it does OP a disservice to make it sound like NBD.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm all for people having kids in their 40s, just as long as they truly weight the pros and cons. That said, some of the arguments on here are not really on the mark. Sure you can have a child with SN in your 20s (or 30s like me), but after 40 your chances skyrocket. I would not have my life any other way, but I would say some people are being flippant on here.

Also, yes we can get illnesses and even die in our 20s, but once gain our chances go up in our 40s so you need to remember that and also have a support network.Also, pregnancy itself can set things off and it is often harder on the body later in life.

I am not saying don't do it, what I am saying is I think this thread is skewed and it does OP a disservice to make it sound like NBD.

The chance of birth defects increases but they absolutely do not skyrocket.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm all for people having kids in their 40s, just as long as they truly weight the pros and cons. That said, some of the arguments on here are not really on the mark. Sure you can have a child with SN in your 20s (or 30s like me), but after 40 your chances skyrocket. I would not have my life any other way, but I would say some people are being flippant on here.

Also, yes we can get illnesses and even die in our 20s, but once gain our chances go up in our 40s so you need to remember that and also have a support network.Also, pregnancy itself can set things off and it is often harder on the body later in life.

I am not saying don't do it, what I am saying is I think this thread is skewed and it does OP a disservice to make it sound like NBD.

The chance of birth defects increases but they absolutely do not skyrocket.

exactly! at worst, they go from very small to small.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm bothered by the people who are negative about people having kids over 40 because I will likely be one of them. It wasn't my choice to wait but I didn't meet my life partner until later in life. Not all of us have the good fortune of having these things happen in our 30's. I say if our bodies and minds say we can do it then we can do it!

Yes, I know you are a special case. That does not change that you will have teens in your late 50s. And college in your 60s. Where's retirement -- oh you will be a very young 70.

I am not sure I follow your logic. I had my first at 38 and now my second at 41. We just refinanced our mortgage a few years back to a 15 yr one. The house will be fully paid off by the time DC#1 goes to college so we'll be using our mortgage payment towards her tuition rather than housing. Given that college is 4 years long and DC#2 will be done when I'm 63. I don't know what you mean by retirement at 70. B/t/w if you have children later in life (which I am not advocating for anyone here) you presumably have more saved before kids. For example, DH and I hit 7 figures in our retirement accounts last year. With a high mortgage (n. arlington neighborhood), childcare for 2 we can stop contributing the maximum to our accounts and just do the minimum w/ matching during these leaner times before both reach kindergarten. My plan is to retire before 65. In the federal government, I qualify for retirement by 57, and as long as I don't access the annuity payments until I am 60 or so, I can still receive the maximum.

I know now that you are a very, very special case. But age is an equal opportunity visitor. Financial is not everything, but rock on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, please remember that bitterness, envy and worry, all shorten your life in much the same way as cigarette smoking. Don't listen to the negativity. I had my first at 38, 2nd at 40 and 3rd at 42. Now at 51 years people think I am in my early 40's (actually had a 20 something think I was 38). I had no pregnancy problems, nursed all three, all three are healthy, happy, thriving young children. Yes my last one was a bit more difficult with the sleep deprivation and I do have moments of worry that I will not be around for grandchildren but they keep me young, active and healthy for now and I wouldn't change a thing. In hindsight, if I had-had the choice, I would have preferred all by age 38 but the cards were not dealt that way for me. Also, I think older parents make better parents because we are completely done with "sowing our wild seeds" and "self absorbed all about me years". So honey it is all about what you and your husband want and NO ONE else matters. If you are healthy and in a healthy supportive marriage GO FOR IT, you will not regret it.

Your oldest is 9, so you've not yet hit the teen years. While I doubt you are 51 and look 38, this certainly won't be true once the teen years are upon you.

And older parents are no more qualified than those who parent in their 20's or 30's. It does not always give you an advantage of patience, money or anything else. If anything, I have found that older parents regret having children more because they lived the child-free life longer and find the transition difficult or not as wonderful as they thought it would be.

I'm 48 with a 10 and 6 yo - both one-shot deals conceived "naturally."

We live comfortably in a nice home on two acres. I couldn't have lived this life 20 years ago. We both teach and are home with our kids over the summer. My husband will retire in 5 years and embark on another career. I'll continue to teach so that my summers are spent with the kids.

I hardly think my kids are cramping my style. In fact, they're FUCKING FABULOUS! And I love all the time I can spend with them. We can pay a nanny just to watch them in the morning (b/c we're at work before 7), and she's available to step in over the summer if we're busy.

I love the know it alls who claim that older parents have regrets.

lol! no regrets, baby! I'm home to meet them at the bus and we're together all summer long.

What's not to love about having a good nest egg, no childcare issues, and all the time in the world to spend with my little ones?

btw - I work in an alternative setting with some challenging teens. I hardly think the teen years with my kids will do me in after dealing with CPS on a weekly basis.


And I have gray hair! I'm old!

Flame away, gals!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, please remember that bitterness, envy and worry, all shorten your life in much the same way as cigarette smoking. Don't listen to the negativity. I had my first at 38, 2nd at 40 and 3rd at 42. Now at 51 years people think I am in my early 40's (actually had a 20 something think I was 38). I had no pregnancy problems, nursed all three, all three are healthy, happy, thriving young children. Yes my last one was a bit more difficult with the sleep deprivation and I do have moments of worry that I will not be around for grandchildren but they keep me young, active and healthy for now and I wouldn't change a thing. In hindsight, if I had-had the choice, I would have preferred all by age 38 but the cards were not dealt that way for me. Also, I think older parents make better parents because we are completely done with "sowing our wild seeds" and "self absorbed all about me years". So honey it is all about what you and your husband want and NO ONE else matters. If you are healthy and in a healthy supportive marriage GO FOR IT, you will not regret it.

Your oldest is 9, so you've not yet hit the teen years. While I doubt you are 51 and look 38, this certainly won't be true once the teen years are upon you.

And older parents are no more qualified than those who parent in their 20's or 30's. It does not always give you an advantage of patience, money or anything else. If anything, I have found that older parents regret having children more because they lived the child-free life longer and find the transition difficult or not as wonderful as they thought it would be.

I'm 48 with a 10 and 6 yo - both one-shot deals conceived "naturally."

We live comfortably in a nice home on two acres. I couldn't have lived this life 20 years ago. We both teach and are home with our kids over the summer. My husband will retire in 5 years and embark on another career. I'll continue to teach so that my summers are spent with the kids.

I hardly think my kids are cramping my style. In fact, they're FUCKING FABULOUS! And I love all the time I can spend with them. We can pay a nanny just to watch them in the morning (b/c we're at work before 7), and she's available to step in over the summer if we're busy.

I love the know it alls who claim that older parents have regrets.

lol! no regrets, baby! I'm home to meet them at the bus and we're together all summer long.

What's not to love about having a good nest egg, no childcare issues, and all the time in the world to spend with my little ones?

btw - I work in an alternative setting with some challenging teens. I hardly think the teen years with my kids will do me in after dealing with CPS on a weekly basis.


And I have gray hair! I'm old!

Flame away, gals!

Rock on. I think your life sounds great. Enjoy your family!