My 4 Yr Old Son's FSIQ is 131, Now What?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:FWIW, arguments here have mostly been among parents of "gifted" kids (or, more precisely, among people who represent themselves as the parents of gifted kids). The freak comment may have been an exception.

I understand that. It's not a debate between gifted and non-gifted parents. I just think it's best to give all parents the benefit of the doubt when they post about a gifted issue. The freak comment wasn't an exception. There have been many posts on this thread and others that have no other point other than blast someone. The OP in this thread was called obnoxious and someone also called her child obnoxious. Other posters were cheering this on as well.

At any rate, the question isn't one of denial (i.e. failure to recognize/acknowledge/admit differences in intellectual development), so much as differences of opinion wrt how you as a parent react to that phenomenon.

This is a valid and healthy topic and if parents are actually able to share their opinions without harrassment life on these boards would be a bit more pleasant. We just need to stop trying to prove that others have insincere motives and just have a simple discussion about our kids.

I'm seriously not trying to convey that a gifted parent hasn't said completely stupid or obnoxious things before. I've seen them. Many times though I think their intentions start out as sincerely just trying to discuss an issue and they are met with such rudenss that tempers heat up and people say things that are ignorant because emotions have clouded judgement. Then others start pointing fingers saying, "look, this is why gifted parents have a bad name" without taking the context of the situation into account or acknowledging the fact that the gifted parent may have been subjected to many rude or sarcastic posts before she "lost it".

It's like a good natured dog (sorry ladies, I'm not inferring anything :lol. If you poke it and tease it for long enough it will bite and then the dog may face losing his home unfairly. Most of these gifted parents are good natured dogs who have been tormented into lashing out and then suffer unfair judgements.

Before anyone posts another ignorant post coming from a gifted parent as an example I would like for you to consider the context of the statement. How did the situation get to that point? How many prior posts were insulting or sarcastic or supporting of the negative posts.

That's why I think it's just best for EVERYONE to give EVERYONE else the benefit of the doubt. A lot more meaningful and positive discussions as well as healthy debates can take place.

[Anonymous]

Abstractly, I agree with you. Concretely, the dynamics occur the way they do because sometimes there's no doubt (and some of those times the non-doubter is right; others not).

In the context of these boards (where anonymous posting is the norm but where it's also clear that many posters are "regulars"), I think it's fine to call someone on it when you think what s/he says is out of line. If that poster has a reasonable and credible explanation, s/he offers it, you apologize, and everybody benefits from the added clarity.

Conversely, if you call a poster on misbehavior and s/he escalates rather than explains or desists, that also produces clarity/dispels doubt. At which point, I think it's time to move on and trust the intelligence of other readers to decide whom to ignore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
This is a valid and healthy topic and if parents are actually able to share their opinions without harrassment life on these boards would be a bit more pleasant. We just need to stop trying to prove that others have insincere motives and just have a simple discussion about our kids.

I'm seriously not trying to convey that a gifted parent hasn't said completely stupid or obnoxious things before. I've seen them. Many times though I think their intentions start out as sincerely just trying to discuss an issue and they are met with such rudenss that tempers heat up and people say things that are ignorant because emotions have clouded judgement. Then others start pointing fingers saying, "look, this is why gifted parents have a bad name" without taking the context of the situation into account or acknowledging the fact that the gifted parent may have been subjected to many rude or sarcastic posts before she "lost it".

It's like a good natured dog (sorry ladies, I'm not inferring anything :lol. If you poke it and tease it for long enough it will bite and then the dog may face losing his home unfairly. Most of these gifted parents are good natured dogs who have been tormented into lashing out and then suffer unfair judgements.

Before anyone posts another ignorant post coming from a gifted parent as an example I would like for you to consider the context of the statement. How did the situation get to that point? How many prior posts were insulting or sarcastic or supporting of the negative posts.

That's why I think it's just best for EVERYONE to give EVERYONE else the benefit of the doubt. A lot more meaningful and positive discussions as well as healthy debates can take place.

Let me start by agreeing that parents of non-gifted kids frequently say ignorant and rude things, too. The "freak" poster is an obvious example.

However, where I disagree with your post is how it provides a blanket excuse for gifted parents who post rude and obnoxious things. I've bolded the multiple places in your post where you argue that gifted parents are, seemingly, always "goaded into it." While it would be nice to prove my point by providing context from DCUM, I'm afraid that's impossible because you'd have to post an entire thread - many pages - and then say, "look, according to my personal interpretation, there was nothing to justify this gifted parent's obnoxious post!"

You seem to start with the assumption that a gifted parent is a good-natured, but tomented, dog. I start with the assumption, based on my personal observations from DCUM, that this may sometimes be the case, but it's certainly not always the case: some gifted parents are just obnoxious. If you want to see some real nastiness, check out the Yahoo group for MoCo GTA parents, where presumably everybody is on the same side, but in fact the personal attacks are outlandish. I've never posted there, because it's often so horrible. And I suspect some of the offenders from the MoCo GTA group (and yes, you post there under your own names) are posting here anonymously. Frankly, sometimes gifted parents just post obnoxious and rude things. Without being goaded into it.

[Anonymous]

Parents of "gifted" kids are not necessarily "gifted parents."
Not (just?) being pedantic here -- I think part of the problem is living vicariously (and another part, in some cases, may be lack of personal experience) and, IMO the "gifted parents" label reinforces/buys into that mindset.

And "non-gifted" really rubs me the wrong way (which is why I tend to put "gifted' in quotes).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Parents of "gifted" kids are not necessarily "gifted parents."
Not (just?) being pedantic here -- I think part of the problem is living vicariously (and another part, in some cases, may be lack of personal experience) and, IMO the "gifted parents" label reinforces/buys into that mindset.

And "non-gifted" really rubs me the wrong way (which is why I tend to put "gifted' in quotes).

Of course the parents aren't automatically gifted because their kids are....I'm just categorizing for discussion purposes. There are just so many ways that I can inadvertently offend some by just trying to convey a thought. It's exhausting.

I'm sorry that I didn't clarify that I meant parents of gifted kids and instead said gifted parents. I assumed that everyone understood thats what I meant. I'm also sorry that I don't have an appropriate way of referring to parents of children that are not "gifted" that some don't find distasteful when trying to convey a thought that requires some sort of way to differentiate between the two.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
This is a valid and healthy topic and if parents are actually able to share their opinions without harrassment life on these boards would be a bit more pleasant. We just need to stop trying to prove that others have insincere motives and just have a simple discussion about our kids.

I'm seriously not trying to convey that a gifted parent hasn't said completely stupid or obnoxious things before. I've seen them. Many times though I think their intentions start out as sincerely just trying to discuss an issue and they are met with such rudenss that tempers heat up and people say things that are ignorant because emotions have clouded judgement. Then others start pointing fingers saying, "look, this is why gifted parents have a bad name" without taking the context of the situation into account or acknowledging the fact that the gifted parent may have been subjected to many rude or sarcastic posts before she "lost it".

It's like a good natured dog (sorry ladies, I'm not inferring anything :lol. If you poke it and tease it for long enough it will bite and then the dog may face losing his home unfairly. Most of these gifted parents are good natured dogs who have been tormented into lashing out and then suffer unfair judgements.

Before anyone posts another ignorant post coming from a gifted parent as an example I would like for you to consider the context of the statement. How did the situation get to that point? How many prior posts were insulting or sarcastic or supporting of the negative posts.

That's why I think it's just best for EVERYONE to give EVERYONE else the benefit of the doubt. A lot more meaningful and positive discussions as well as healthy debates can take place.

Let me start by agreeing that parents of non-gifted kids frequently say ignorant and rude things, too. The "freak" poster is an obvious example.

However, where I disagree with your post is how it provides a blanket excuse for gifted parents who post rude and obnoxious things. I've bolded the multiple places in your post where you argue that gifted parents are, seemingly, always "goaded into it." While it would be nice to prove my point by providing context from DCUM, I'm afraid that's impossible because you'd have to post an entire thread - many pages - and then say, "look, according to my personal interpretation, there was nothing to justify this gifted parent's obnoxious post!"

You seem to start with the assumption that a gifted parent is a good-natured, but tomented, dog. I start with the assumption, based on my personal observations from DCUM, that this may sometimes be the case, but it's certainly not always the case: some gifted parents are just obnoxious. If you want to see some real nastiness, check out the Yahoo group for MoCo GTA parents, where presumably everybody is on the same side, but in fact the personal attacks are outlandish. I've never posted there, because it's often so horrible. And I suspect some of the offenders from the MoCo GTA group (and yes, you post there under your own names) are posting here anonymously. Frankly, sometimes gifted parents just post obnoxious and rude things. Without being goaded into it.

I didn't give a blanket excuse. I said that many times this is the case rather than all the time. I was trying to convey that they are not all terrible people and shouldn't be pounced on immediately. They should be given the benefit of the doubt.

I don't have experience with the GTA board and it sounds really depressing so I think I'll stay away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Abstractly, I agree with you. Concretely, the dynamics occur the way they do because sometimes there's no doubt (and some of those times the non-doubter is right; others not).

In the context of these boards (where anonymous posting is the norm but where it's also clear that many posters are "regulars"), I think it's fine to call someone on it when you think what s/he says is out of line. If that poster has a reasonable and credible explanation, s/he offers it, you apologize, and everybody benefits from the added clarity.

Conversely, if you call a poster on misbehavior and s/he escalates rather than explains or desists, that also produces clarity/dispels doubt. At which point, I think it's time to move on and trust the intelligence of other readers to decide whom to ignore.

I guess I just think that parents of gifted kids will be called out for things that don't deserve it a lot of the time. So what if a poster refers to their kids IQ twice in one thread. It's an anonymous thread and it was a good way to establish that it was the same poster and both posts were relevant to the thread. On the other hand posters who call others freaks or what have you are not called out and more likely cheered on.

If someone decides it's important to them to call out others misbehaviors I think they should do so equally or not at all. If a poster is only calling out the parents of gifted kids than it's hard to see it in any way other than that person has an ax to grind in general.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Abstractly, I agree with you. Concretely, the dynamics occur the way they do because sometimes there's no doubt (and some of those times the non-doubter is right; others not).

In the context of these boards (where anonymous posting is the norm but where it's also clear that many posters are "regulars"), I think it's fine to call someone on it when you think what s/he says is out of line. If that poster has a reasonable and credible explanation, s/he offers it, you apologize, and everybody benefits from the added clarity.

Conversely, if you call a poster on misbehavior and s/he escalates rather than explains or desists, that also produces clarity/dispels doubt. At which point, I think it's time to move on and trust the intelligence of other readers to decide whom to ignore.

I agree with this. I don't think calling somebody out means you necessarily have "an axe to grind." And I also don't think that it's just the parents of gifted kids who get called out here. It's "calling somebody out" every time a parent of a gifted kid complains about how s/he's being treated (for example, in the "troll" thread cited above, where some parent of a gifted kid just came on to complain, without any preceding context related to gifted kids). Or, when a parent of a gifted kid says "if you don't understand, then your kid must not be gifted" (which somebody actually said to me a few months ago, but I have no idea where to begin to dig it out of the archives), it's an obnoxious way of calling somebody out.

Also, I'm another poster who has been using "gifted parents" as shorthand for parents of gifted kids. Sometimes you get too many prepositions and nouns in a single sentence. I agree, there's no good word for "non-gifted kids." The phrase "neuro-typical" seems too clinical, or pedantic, or condescending, or something.

I think I've said all I have to say on this subject by now....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

When someone states their child's IQ in a thread about what to do with a child with a high IQ it's not bragging. It's a data point that is relevant to the topic. The score may be meaningless in many ways like future happiness in life, work ethic, athetic ability, fiscal responsibility, etc. etc. etc. But I don't think it's meaningless when you are talking about educational choices. It's also pretty well known that besides educational needs there are marked differences in social and emotional traits and needs in children on either end of the curve.

Gifted children are not better or more worthy but they are different. Because of these differences they have different needs. Parenting a gifted kid can be challenging and it makes it especially difficult when other parents are constantly accusing you of bragging and being outwardly hostile. Sadly some parents are so influenced by this that they begin to play down their children's accomplishments while playing up their weaknesses and this can be damaging to their children's sense of self worth and self esteem. These children are acutely aware and these things don't go by unnoticed.

Why don't some of you just live and let live. Just try to give us the benefit of the doubt. We are just parents like everyone else here trying to figure this parenting thing out one day at a time.[\quote]

Thanks for this post. I for one- have never postecore test score on this board or posted that my child is "gifted" - but I have used this forum to try to figure out options for my child's education (along the same lines) Not because our child is more special than any other but because our child does have certain needs that won't necessarily be met in "just any" classroom. Yet due to all the negativeness on this board I always tread very cautiously.

Sorry for those that misbehave - but it comes from both sides. Let those of us who want to get and share info try to do so without scorn. If it doesn't interest you, then let it be. Remember also that the newest posters don't realize how to approach this subject as delicately as needed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

When someone states their child's IQ in a thread about what to do with a child with a high IQ it's not bragging. It's a data point that is relevant to the topic. The score may be meaningless in many ways like future happiness in life, work ethic, athetic ability, fiscal responsibility, etc. etc. etc. But I don't think it's meaningless when you are talking about educational choices. It's also pretty well known that besides educational needs there are marked differences in social and emotional traits and needs in children on either end of the curve.

Gifted children are not better or more worthy but they are different. Because of these differences they have different needs. Parenting a gifted kid can be challenging and it makes it especially difficult when other parents are constantly accusing you of bragging and being outwardly hostile. Sadly some parents are so influenced by this that they begin to play down their children's accomplishments while playing up their weaknesses and this can be damaging to their children's sense of self worth and self esteem. These children are acutely aware and these things don't go by unnoticed.

Why don't some of you just live and let live. Just try to give us the benefit of the doubt. We are just parents like everyone else here trying to figure this parenting thing out one day at a time.[\quote]

Thanks for this post. I for one- have never postecore test score on this board or posted that my child is "gifted" - but I have used this forum to try to figure out options for my child's education (along the same lines) Not because our child is more special than any other but because our child does have certain needs that won't necessarily be met in "just any" classroom. Yet due to all the negativeness on this board I always tread very cautiously.

Sorry for those that misbehave - but it comes from both sides. Let those of us who want to get and share info try to do so without scorn. If it doesn't interest you, then let it be. Remember also that the newest posters don't realize how to approach this subject as delicately as needed.

Very good point.

[Anonymous]

131 is pretty much the norm in this area. My son got a 131, and I was told that it was on the low side for top privates. My daughter got a 142 and had much better luck with admissions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:131 is pretty much the norm in this area. My son got a 131, and I was told that it was on the low side for top privates. My daughter got a 142 and had much better luck with admissions.

It may be seen more frequently in the elite DC private school arena but it is hardly the "norm".

I've heard that nationally the score is seen in about 2% of the population and in this area it's between 5% and 10% and it's concentrated in elite privates and suburban magnets.

[Anonymous]

For FCPS, 10%.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For FCPS, 10%.

Proof of this claim? TIA.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For FCPS, 10%.

Proof of this claim? TIA.

The score of 131 is the cut-off for the fcps-wide aap/gt program from grades 3-8. Everyone gets tested. and the selected group is about 10-12% of the full student population for each year. So assuming there's an extra 2% (or 20% of the 12%) who get in on appeals, the main cohort of 10% fits the cut-off based on all the public school students in the county. That's a pretty large sample so one could reasonably conclude that indeed 10% of the population has IQ's in the range on or above 130.