Female sexual desire

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Women who love their husbands have sex with them. Period. Women who don't find every excuse in the world not to

Men who love their wives do everything in their power to make their wives feel loved, wanted and appreciated, and their wives in turn want sex. Period.

Women need all this elaborate blah blah blah which is why you can never meet one on Friday evening and convince her to have sex the same night.

Your blah blah blah is tiresome and boring and stupid and only serves to make you feel like less of the loser you obviously are. I hope it does something for you venting anonymously to the women of DCUM but trust me, it does nothing for them or womankind worldwide.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thank you for your message, PP. It’s good to hear some real-life, practical solutions. As a woman with low libido in long-term relationships + pain issues on top of the regular sex disruptors (being postpartum, in mom mode, etc.), contributing to sex life is a struggle for me. And just like your wife, I feel pressured and guilty if I don’t oblige, which is not conducive to a sexy mood at all. Half of this thread was helpful and constructive, and another half… not so much.

In the earlier discussion, women mentioned the connection between feeling wanted and experiencing desire. Just another datapoint in this stats, this is exactly the way it is for me. The reason why there is new relationship energy/great sex is because, in the beginning, women’s partners are naturally curious about them. They like what their woman looks like and they are actively interested in who she is. There’s a lot of unknowns and so interest is there always, and for me it’s this curiosity that turns me on.

Well, after 10 years of marriage, you can imagine there’s very little curiosity my husband has about me and it shows. He touches me when he wants to have sex, that’s it. He doesn’t hug me just because, doesn’t tell me he loves me and he doesn’t look interested in what I have to say. Oftentimes, I feel like he doesn’t see me, just coexists with me in a shared space, and our main bond is both of us loving our child very much. Part of it is my fault of course, because I’m sure I’m not always a prize and the resentment from the dead bedroom is there, but I would really appreciate feeling like my partner ENJOYS being around me. That he finds me interesting still. That he notices me not only when he wants sex. That would be lovely and that would boost my libido 100%. Just my two cents speaking from experience.

You have expressed the frustration of a lot of women very eloquently. This is actually very common. We almost divorced until I started individual therapy and my therapist told me the same exact things you said.

[Anonymous]

The best sex a man can have is when he wife feels like he loves her, cares about her and wants to be with her.

When a woman feel desired by the ONE she wants to feel desired by you are golden. That's just the female nature. Make her feel desired and her coochie will always be wet for you. Unfortunately it took me awhile to learn this but I eventually did before it was too late.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thank you for your message, PP. It’s good to hear some real-life, practical solutions. As a woman with low libido in long-term relationships + pain issues on top of the regular sex disruptors (being postpartum, in mom mode, etc.), contributing to sex life is a struggle for me. And just like your wife, I feel pressured and guilty if I don’t oblige, which is not conducive to a sexy mood at all. Half of this thread was helpful and constructive, and another half… not so much.

In the earlier discussion, women mentioned the connection between feeling wanted and experiencing desire. Just another datapoint in this stats, this is exactly the way it is for me. The reason why there is new relationship energy/great sex is because, in the beginning, women’s partners are naturally curious about them. They like what their woman looks like and they are actively interested in who she is. There’s a lot of unknowns and so interest is there always, and for me it’s this curiosity that turns me on.

Well, after 10 years of marriage, you can imagine there’s very little curiosity my husband has about me and it shows. He touches me when he wants to have sex, that’s it. He doesn’t hug me just because, doesn’t tell me he loves me and he doesn’t look interested in what I have to say. Oftentimes, I feel like he doesn’t see me, just coexists with me in a shared space, and our main bond is both of us loving our child very much. Part of it is my fault of course, because I’m sure I’m not always a prize and the resentment from the dead bedroom is there, but I would really appreciate feeling like my partner ENJOYS being around me. That he finds me interesting still. That he notices me not only when he wants sex. That would be lovely and that would boost my libido 100%. Just my two cents speaking from experience.

To the PP and other who said this applies to them, what are you doing to change that dynamic? I’m not trying to be a jerk. If you’re simply hoping that your DH will do things they haven’t done before out of the clear blue, that’s unlikely to happen. What’s your role in this and what can you change that might spark a change in him?

DP. I posted way earlier in the thread but this applies in my marriage as well. One of my main problems is he doesn't really talk to me outside of kids logistics. I have been trying to discuss with DH that this does not really work for me. Like its almost jerk behavior and I don't want to sleep with some jerk who doesnt seem to care about me as an actual person. Hitting a brick wall for the most part. Finally one day he did seem to open up beyond that for whatever reason, and I rewarded him in the bedroom that night. I think maybe he caught on because he does seem to be making more effort since, but still a work in progress.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Women who love their husbands have sex with them. Period. Women who don't find every excuse in the world not to

Men who love their wives do everything in their power to make their wives feel loved, wanted and appreciated, and their wives in turn want sex. Period.

Women need all this elaborate blah blah blah which is why you can never meet one on Friday evening and convince her to have sex the same night.

Whatever. I mean, you are already out when you meet this woman, so check mark on going out. I’m sure that you tell her that she’s beautiful and flirt with her, so check check. And you don’t ask her to do your laundry. Check.

Just treat your wife the way you would treat a random woman you were trying to pick up. Or something close to that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The best sex a man can have is when he wife feels like he loves her, cares about her and wants to be with her.

When a woman feel desired by the ONE she wants to feel desired by you are golden. That's just the female nature. Make her feel desired and her coochie will always be wet for you. Unfortunately it took me awhile to learn this but I eventually did before it was too late.

Exactly. It’s about treating each other with the care and curiosity you did in the beginning. Value each other. Be playful and open with each other. Sometimes life gets in the way of it, but that should be the goal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The best sex a man can have is when he wife feels like he loves her, cares about her and wants to be with her.

When a woman feel desired by the ONE she wants to feel desired by you are golden. That's just the female nature. Make her feel desired and her coochie will always be wet for you. Unfortunately it took me awhile to learn this but I eventually did before it was too late.

If a woman doesn’t feel desired, it could be because her spouse doesn’t make her feel desired or she is too fat to be desired. And in some cases neither is true, the problem is likely in her head

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think my husband has a lot of responsibility for how I feel about my body. He is literally the only person who sees me naked and the only person who can make explicit sexual comments about my body.
If DH wasn’t constantly telling me that he likes my body, that he wants to see me wearing xyz, and that he likes one body part or another, then all of my thoughts about my body would be from inside my own head or from my mom. And those are both terrible.

You really need to work on that voice in your head.

I’m okay, really. Terrible was probably a strong word to use. But the reality is that I’m an overweight middle aged mom. I’m not winning any beauty pageants.

It’s just that DH tells me something that he finds attractive about me pretty much every time I see him, so multiple times a day. If I’m going to the gym, he will tell me that he likes my hair in a ponytail so my neck is exposed. If I’m getting home from the gym, he will say that I look good all flushed like that. If I’m in taking the kids to the pool in my middle aged mom tankini, he will say that my butt looks good. If I go in my high waisted bikini, he will wolf whistle and ask if I need help putting sunscreen on. Like touching the torso of his wife of twenty years is super hot and somewhat forbidden.

You might say that men can’t help their wives with body image issues, but they definitely can.

I think I will be single for the foreseeable future if that's the bare minimum we need to do as men. Seriously why do you need me to keep telling you you are still beautiful and multiple times a day. Hey good for you though. Are all married men like this? Wow

I don't need you to TELL me. I need you to believe it, live it, show it. If you don't believe it, can't live it, can't even pretend it for show... yes, good idea on staying single.

And I can't say about all married men. I CAN say that once I found one, I stopped looking.

Np. Very hard for me to “believe” or “pretend” you are “beautiful” when you are fat.

And yet, you want to have sex with her, i.e. you desire her - so make her feel desired? We don’t want to be lied to, that’s the point. But there’s something you like, so let her know what it is. If it’s really just the warm hole, do us all a favor and just get a doll.

Just because a husband wants to have sex with his wife, doesn’t mean that he finds her desirable. When you are married, you have no choice but to have sex with your spouse only.

No one told my spouse this -- only applies if you have a moral compass and choose to follow it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a husband, if you do these things, your wife will remain interested:

1. Do at least half of all child-related driving and watching, leaving your wife time for herself.
2. Do the dishes.
3. Make the beds.
4. Hire a cleaner.
5. Make plenty of money.
6. Help with meals.
7. Foreplay.

It's that easy.

You left out yardwork coverage, but yeah.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a husband, if you do these things, your wife will remain interested:

1. Do at least half of all child-related driving and watching, leaving your wife time for herself.
2. Do the dishes.
3. Make the beds.
4. Hire a cleaner.
5. Make plenty of money.
6. Help with meals.
7. Foreplay.

It's that easy.

You left out yardwork coverage, but yeah.

I’m a woman and I think this choreplay thing is killing relationships. That is 100% not my problem. It’s the emotional intimacy and curiosity dying after a few years that PPs have mentioned.