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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Thank you for your message, PP. It’s good to hear some real-life, practical solutions. As a woman with low libido in long-term relationships + pain issues on top of the regular sex disruptors (being postpartum, in mom mode, etc.), contributing to sex life is a struggle for me. And just like your wife, I feel pressured and guilty if I don’t oblige, which is not conducive to a sexy mood at all. Half of this thread was helpful and constructive, and another half… not so much.

In the earlier discussion, women mentioned the connection between feeling wanted and experiencing desire. Just another datapoint in this stats, this is exactly the way it is for me. The reason why there is new relationship energy/great sex is because, in the beginning, women’s partners are naturally curious about them. They like what their woman looks like and they are actively interested in who she is. There’s a lot of unknowns and so interest is there always, and for me it’s this curiosity that turns me on.

[b]Well, after 10 years of marriage, you can imagine there’s very little curiosity my husband has about me and it shows. He touches me when he wants to have sex, that’s it. He doesn’t hug me just because, doesn’t tell me he loves me and he doesn’t look interested in what I have to say. Oftentimes, I feel like he doesn’t see me, just coexists with me in a shared space, and our main bond is both of us loving our child very much. Part of it is my fault of course, because I’m sure I’m not always a prize and the resentment from the dead bedroom is there, but I would really appreciate feeling like my partner ENJOYS being around me. That he finds me interesting still. That he notices me not only when he wants sex. That would be lovely and that would boost my libido 100%. Just my two cents speaking from experience[/b].[/quote]

To the PP and other who said this applies to them, what are you doing to change that dynamic? I’m not trying to be a jerk. If you’re simply hoping that your DH will do things they haven’t done before out of the clear blue, that’s unlikely to happen. What’s your role in this and what can you change that might spark a change in him?[/quote]

DP. I posted way earlier in the thread but this applies in my marriage as well. One of my main problems is he doesn't really talk to me outside of kids logistics. I have been trying to discuss with DH that this does not really work for me. Like its almost jerk behavior and I don't want to sleep with some jerk who doesnt seem to care about me as an actual person. Hitting a brick wall for the most part. Finally one day he did seem to open up beyond that for whatever reason, and I rewarded him in the bedroom that night. I think maybe he caught on because he does seem to be making more effort since, but still a work in progress. [/quote]

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