Female sexual desire

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I am genuinely curious if men think saying “I’m horny” or “it’s been x long since we had sex” is initiating?

I think if a man's gotten to this point, very often the legitimate efforts to initiate have failed repeatedly. These half-hearted, shitty efforts at reminding the wife that he wants sex: a) remind her in case she's completely forgotten that sex is something married people often find enjoyable; and b) protect his ego and save him effort in a way that his previous, legitimate efforts did not.

[Anonymous]

The funniest part of this thread is imagining angry incel guy being all aggressive and angry at his “obese” wife while he is behind the keyboard, but knowing full well that behaves like a neutered whimp in person, begging her for sex and getting turned down regularly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The funniest part of this thread is imagining angry incel guy being all aggressive and angry at his “obese” wife while he is behind the keyboard, but knowing full well that behaves like a neutered whimp in person, begging her for sex and getting turned down regularly.

I'll take his obese wife any day. I'm sure she is starved for amazing sex.

[Anonymous]

It's amazing how much time people spend obsessing over people they are not attracted to. Is this a guy thing because my girlfriends and female relatives don't see men they are not attracted to. They don't bother to make comments unless you specifically ask if they find that man attractive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a husband, if you do these things, your wife will remain interested:

1. Do at least half of all child-related driving and watching, leaving your wife time for herself.
2. Do the dishes.
3. Make the beds.
4. Hire a cleaner.
5. Make plenty of money.
6. Help with meals.
7. Foreplay.

It's that easy.

I’m a woman, and I think it’s actually even easier than this. You don’t even have to do the dishes, meals, and childcare if you acknowledge that she’s doing it, and you think she’s amazing for it. And you don’t have to make a lot of money either.
Think about it, women go to visit men on conjugal visits in prison. Those guys aren’t doing anything on this list.

Here is the real list:

1). Tell her how great she is, with specifics. If she’s a kick-ass lawyer, say that. If she’s an amazing mother, say that. If she keeps your ADHD self organized and you would be lost without her, say that. If she’s fat, but you love her giant G-cups, say that.

2). Initiate sex a lot.

3). Don’t get upset or hurt when she turns you down. Accept it and move on with your day. Initiate again the next day.

4). Don’t get hurt if she asks you to do something different in bed. It’s not meant as a blow to your ego. Just do it.

This is very rapey and at what point does the woman actually initiate? It would suck to have to initiate all the time. It just shows the other party has no desire for you.

If you don’t get upset or manipulative when she turns you down, then you can assume that every time she has sex with you, she has desire for you.
Why else would she?

And if you are getting upset and pouty if she turns you down or doesn’t initiate, then you can assume that a good part of the reason she is initiating is because she wants a pleasant life, not because of any desire for you.

lol no. It is just “duty sex”. If she does not initiate she has no desire for you. Could you imagine being in a relationship like that for 5, 10 or 20 years. Yipes!
.

I guess I’m the opposite of your wife. It turns me on when my husband assertively initiates and tells me what to do.
If I’m initiating, it’s usually out of a sense that it’s been too long since we have had sex, and that it isn’t good for our marriage or our family as a whole, so I initiate.

For me, it’s much closer to “duty sex” when I initiate than when DH initiates.

This has been a fascinating thread. Here is another view:

My wife’s libido definitely decreased as she started undergoing menopausal changes. We have seen a great therapist and have worked on improving many areas of our relationship. But the bottom line was that our libidos were still very mismatched.

I was still trying to initiate, but she said that was making it worse because she felt pressured into doing it and it wasn’t good or she rejected me which didn’t feel great for me or her.

So we tried another plan — we gave her exactly what she wanted and I ceased all initiating, period. We agreed that this would not be forever but would at least be a reset of where we had been. Yes, it was going to suck for me for awhile but between my faith, friends, and other supportive structures in my life, I felt like I could endure it.

Interestingly enough, when I gave her what she wanted, she started to initiate it more. Not as much as I would have liked, but more than where we had been. And when we did have sex, it was generally better because she was naturally desiring it.

After a few months of that, we worked with our therapist again and came up with a new compromise that helped me out during the low periods — she would initiate handjobs more in the shower as a release for me. It has actually become fun and playful and usually involves kissing or some other foreplay. And I do find it a sexy way to connect.

We are now at a point where we have agreed that if we haven’t had sex in X amount of time — I can remind her or initiate.

So the bottom line is — between points 2 and 3 above — I am pretty close to having my libido needs fulfilled.

It’s not completely perfect. And I hope it evolves again into just more regular sex, someday. But it’s way better than where we were and we are both happier with our sex life. A marriage is a lot more than just sex too so you have to balance this downside against everything else.

Sometimes you have to give women exactly what they want, even if it involves some short-term sacrifice and delayed gratification.