The Dad Privilege Checklist
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
I actually haven't posted on this thread. Both of my children have special needs, with one child needing a lot of support, and so my spouse and I are actually both very busy trying to keep our heads above water. I'm never sure how much of our experience is normal as a result, but do empathize with a lot of the responses on this thread. What you read as the victim Olympics comes across to me as a lot of people struggling. I think tone is really hard to get across in an online forum, especially one where so many people are objectively combative. But I do, sincerely, hope that you are happy. |
Anonymous
This is not the ramblings of an “incredibly happy” person. |
Anonymous
It’s spot on. Excellent list of things that are done when managing kids and a home. |
Anonymous
This is my response. 
|
Anonymous
+1, happy people don't get a "dopamine hit" from making fun of people or telling them they are stupid. This should be self-evident. |
Anonymous
No winder |
Anonymous
|
I find it funny how MAD this made some people.
I personally think that's because some of it rings true. No one would get this worked up over something that was clearly wrong. |
Anonymous
Why is an incredibly happy woman online at 1:30 in the morning on a weekday anyway? Especially anytime in middle age it’s destructive to health to short shrift sleep and/or do 3rd shift work. You should be blissfully asleep cuddled up with your perfect husband at that hour. If it’s hot flashes, consider HRT - the jury is in, HRT is not a bogeyman after all. |
Anonymous
|
For the moms who choose to be SAHM, I feel like this is insulting towards dads. We would feel targeted if there were a list that was the opposite...
"You are a privileged mom if..." - you don't have a boss - you don't have to fight DC traffic - you don't have to juggle kids AND work, always falling short - you can attend your kids' weekday games -you can wear activewear all day - when the kids are preschool/school, you have a few hours - you can eat lunch at home - you can grocery shop when it is not crowded - you get the luxury of going on field trips instead of being stuck in meetings - you don't have to worry about money, it just appears - you don't fund your kids college accounts, yet the still exist - your didn't buy your car, but you have one - you don't pay for dinner, yet everyone still eats - you don't have to ask how your husband feels about being the sole provider, because he just does it - if you husband messes up at work, no one gets mad at you - you don't have work deadlines to deal with - etc etc etc There is something to be said for the division of roles and duties in a healthy marriage. Many women, like myself, love staying home and view it as a privilege. Yes, my husband is privileged too, but in different ways. Let's not attack each other for these roles that we chose. |
Anonymous
When I started this thread, I was actually hopeful that there might be some decent men who’d read it and be honest enough to acknowledge, in an anonymous setting, that they definitely enjoy dad privilege and have some sense of shame about it when confronted by the issue. I guess I’m unsurprised by the lack of that type of response and the abundance of hateful misogyny. I trust the data, and the evidence I’ve observed with my own eyes for 5+ decades now across generations. In the majority of marriage and/or cohabiting committed hetero couples, women are still doing the lion’s share - while the lion naps in the shade. |
Anonymous
But being a SAHM *is* a form of privilege. It would not offend me to have someone point this out. I was always very aware of it. -- former SAHM |
Anonymous
I do think there are men who have the self awareness to at least consider this point of view. I think my DH is open-minded in this way, even though I know he'd also push back on some stuff. I also think he's become more self-aware about this stuff as I have gently pushed back on some of his assumptions, or pointed out what some of the assumed divisions of labor in our household might be telling our kids, especially our daughter, about her role in the world and her value as a person. He wouldn't agree with all of these but he'd agree with many, and he's especially cognizant of how much more slack he is granted as a dad than I am as a mom, when it comes to how people outside our immediate family (our parents, teachers and childcare providers, friends, neighbors) treat us. But he doesn't read/post on DCUM. I think there is a large contingent of MRAs who post here constantly, especially on any post related to gender politics. I also think some of the most critical posts in this thread come from women who take pleasure in criticizing other women because it allows them to feel superior. I don't think this thread is a cross-section of of dads, it's a some self-selected men who I think are particularly angry about or triggered by any implication that men have privilege in our society. |
Anonymous
Yes, because the husband who refuses to vacuum and claims he does not "see" all the dirt and crumbs he tracks through the house is also definitely going to be cool with buying a super expensive robot vacuum to solve something he doesn't even view as a problem [because the solution to the problem for hims is for his wife to provide free labor to their family to fix it]. It's like when women complain about doing way more childcare than their husbands and people say "just get a nanny." The people who need a solution the most are not going to benefit from these suggestions to pay for expensive outsourcing of these tasks. Their husbands don't value this work when their wives do it, they aren't going to want to pay someone else to do it either. The issue is men who simply do not value childcare or housework, plus think to the degree these tasks have value, they should be performed by wives and mothers without complaint. |
Anonymous
It’s called therapy. |
Anonymous
That’s not what the research says. https://psycnet.apa.org/doiLanding?doi=10.1037%2Fxge0000303 |