Raising kids in a competitive UMC community? Would you do it all over again?

Anonymous
This thread is turning into a big a— validation of OP’s point. Holy moly. The DL (or not so DL) prejudice re: different ethnic groups, the classism, bickering on what’s actually tasteful/“worth it” money wise, passive aggressively looking down on other people’s fashion choices/wants, dissing different towns, getting triggered about someone making different choices. Blah. And like I don’t even agree with the OP bc you can pick whether to join the rat race and try to “keep up.” But some of you exemplify the attitude she’s talking about in the OP.
Anonymous
Lululemon leggings aren’t even of good quality. Why are they a status symbol?
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:There are plenty of places in the DC area which are middle class and not competitive UMC environments OP.

You can choose to live in a super competitive school district or go to an expensive private school, or you can live in a less expensive area with decent mid tier public schools, even in the DC area. The choice is yours OP.


Not OP, but again, I completely reject this. We moved out to Loudoun County, to a diverse area with middling public schools. Our MS/HS hover around a 4 on Great Schools. While this did maybe result in less academic competition (in numbers of kids, the competitive kids are still competitive), there is still tremendous financial competition. My husband and I call it the "arms race" and its definitely contagious. Some people cannot stand when others have something better than they do and must immediately remedy the situation. Tons of fancy 60-70k SUVs (the latest trend seems to be a fully loaded Tahoe), $100k kitchens, second homes, new cars for teenagers, expensive name brand clothing and shoes (most teens are wearing a sneaker that costs $150+) etc. You would have to be blind or oblivious not to notice. A friend of mine recently told me she no longer wants to host at her home because she is embarrassed that her kitchen is old and not remodeled.


I'm pretty sure Loudon county is the richest county in Virginia, or actually the entire country. So not only do you live in the middle of nowhere, but you have crappy schools and you didn't remotely escape that striver mindset.


I’m not going to bother explaining statistics to you, but highest median household income does not equal net worth or even mean/average household income. Most of the families doing all this striving are barely breaking $300k. They are just terrible with money and value superficial things.


Ok? What's your point? I understand statistics, thanks. The point is that the person saying they moved to Loudon County and are then shocked that they're surrounded by strivers missed the memo that that's exactly the kind of person who lives in Loudon County.


I’m that poster and Loudoun County is not a monolith. My kids high school has 40% of students on free and reduced lunch. Saying the medical HHI in Loudoun is over $100k doesn’t mean every (or even most) families in Loudoun are UMC.


And yet you're surrounded by people driving six-figure SUVs. Ok.


LA and NYC also has plenty of poverty.

Places outside of DC seem more focused on beauty. Or DC is just an unattractive city. Lots of well educated unattractive people.


Lots of well-educated, unattractive people with no fashion sense who can't wait to tell you about how well-educated they are... who also think they are making great sacrifices to "help government" while raking in 300k, or, more often, quietly drawing from a family trust and making 150k but having a complex about it because their sister/brother/identical twin is a neurosurgeon in LA/food stylist in NYC and has a much cooler life.

What’s with the fixation on people not being attractive or having fashion sense (which I don’t even think it’s true??)? Like you would come off as a lot less insecure if you had valid criticisms of DC without resorting to attacking people’s looks. It just screams of insecurity and bitterness which are traits you ironically accuse the uglies of…


Not the pp. I am from NYC and people are more attractive in NYC. They dress better and better put together. I used to live and work in Manhattan. Even though I was not especially into fashion, I had retail flagships with their newest and hottest merchandise on display for the world to see. I would buy this and dress stylish. DC isn’t a fashion hub. As pp pointed out, most jobs in dc are relatively boring, especially feds.


So you aren’t friends with people who aren’t fashionable enough for you?


I have now lived in DC for over a decade. I’m absolutely no longer fashionable. My friends in dc are mostly not fashionable either. I don’t choose my friends based on how they look. We wear vineyard vines, lily Pulitzer, lululemon, athleta and Patagonia. I walk around in uggs. None of these are fashionable. I was never brand specific in my shopping in nyc or when I shopped in other cities and countries. I loved boutiques and designers I never heard of before.


Is there a point in there somewhere?


DC is less fashionable than NYC and is less attractive than NYC.

After living in an area, it is only natural for people to blend in with their environment. OP is referring to UMC neighborhoods. My kids fit in and thrive in our UMC/UC neighborhood. None of us are very fashionable, just like our peers.


So? No one is saying Lululemon or Ugg is fashionable. We are saying it’s popular with teens and there is pressure on kids to have the expensive brands.


We have a seven figure HHI and don’t think uggs are expensive. My kids don’t feel pressure to have expensive brands.

I may think a teen wearing a $3k moncler coat might be a bit much but $100 leggings seem fine to me. Buy your kid some Lululemon leggings. Sheesh.


Way to miss the point.


No. She does not miss the point.

If you make over 1mil a year and are unhappy about kids wearing/ expecting $100 leggings, you are going to be unhappy anywhere because unhappiness comes from within you.

If you make 300k like my household, and can't keep up with your neighbors who make over 1 mil, move a little further out. Don't expect your neighbors who make over 1mil to act like they make 300k so your kids can feel better. Imagine you, a grown adult expecting this and complaining about kids' expectations.

There are educated smart people who don’t make 1 mil a year. Find a neighborhood with those and move. My neighbors include surgeons, PHD scientists, lawyers, psychologists, etc. Our HHI range from 250 - 600k, and our kids don't wear $100 leggings because we cannot afford them.

If we could afford those leggings, we would not care that the kids expected them, not because we think they are cheap, but because its not a big issue in the grand scheme of things. Life is short too short to make up problems.


You both miss the point. We make $300k (closer to 400 actually) and live around others also probably making similar. We can “afford” $120 leggings but it’s just a stupid thing to spend on for a growing child and I hate that the other people here also making $300k have decided to be so wasteful with their money in some attempt to make their kids “cool.” I hate that making their kid cool is their main goal in parenting. It’s toxic.


No. You cannot regularly afford $120 leggings for children on that income unless you have a trust fund or some other source of income. And you might be less angry and judgmental when you realize that.

If your children are smart, they would be grateful for reasonable parents if you choose not to keep up with the Joneses.


Of course you can afford $120 leggings on 300k.

My parents never bought anything for themselves and still don’t. They earned way less than 300k and still tried to buy my brother and me nice things. My brother and I got jobs as soon as we were able to and learned the value of money.

We earn more now but we used to have a 300k income. We were able to live just fine, pay for a FT nanny, preschool and still manage to buy nice clothes for myself and our kids. I bought myself professional clothes and also lululemon. I would have bought my daughter pants if she really wanted them.


You are just money stupid.

Of course people can afford $120 leggings on 300K. However it does not end with 1 pair of Lulus, or just with leggings, it then morphs into Invisalign vs normal braces, etc etc. And all this for a kid who hasn't stopped growing.


We have 300k income and afford all of those things. You are the one who is money stupid.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:Lululemon leggings aren’t even of good quality. Why are they a status symbol?


Many (most) status symbols are not logical. Are you new here?
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:Lululemon leggings aren’t even of good quality. Why are they a status symbol?



Because it would take a lot of searching to find a pair that costs more.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Lululemon leggings aren’t even of good quality. Why are they a status symbol?



Because it would take a lot of searching to find a pair that costs more.


Lol +1
Anonymous
Standing next to you
Anonymous
We moved due to school closures to Charlottesville. Everything is just a bit more relaxed here, though people are well educated and my child’s (inexpensive private) school is much better than her previous school. I try not to express pity to my dc friends, but I do pity their rat race situation . . . It’s also easier to get into college from here. I can’t find a downside.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:We moved due to school closures to Charlottesville. Everything is just a bit more relaxed here, though people are well educated and my child’s (inexpensive private) school is much better than her previous school. I try not to express pity to my dc friends, but I do pity their rat race situation . . . It’s also easier to get into college from here. I can’t find a downside.


More white peopke too amirite?
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:We moved due to school closures to Charlottesville. Everything is just a bit more relaxed here, though people are well educated and my child’s (inexpensive private) school is much better than her previous school. I try not to express pity to my dc friends, but I do pity their rat race situation . . . It’s also easier to get into college from here. I can’t find a downside.


Sounds pretty good. Too far from a major airport for me.
Anonymous
I prefer the terms "motivating" and "inspiring" and "enriching" over "competitive".
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:This thread is turning into a big a— validation of OP’s point. Holy moly. The DL (or not so DL) prejudice re: different ethnic groups, the classism, bickering on what’s actually tasteful/“worth it” money wise, passive aggressively looking down on other people’s fashion choices/wants, dissing different towns, getting triggered about someone making different choices. Blah. And like I don’t even agree with the OP bc you can pick whether to join the rat race and try to “keep up.” But some of you exemplify the attitude she’s talking about in the OP.


right?? especially the PP who was bragging that her DS would never hit on another PP’s “basic” daughter.

I would love to be in a more intellectual community like the college town I grew up in, but in this area, avoiding the rich *ssholes seems like the better choice.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:This thread is turning into a big a— validation of OP’s point. Holy moly. The DL (or not so DL) prejudice re: different ethnic groups, the classism, bickering on what’s actually tasteful/“worth it” money wise, passive aggressively looking down on other people’s fashion choices/wants, dissing different towns, getting triggered about someone making different choices. Blah. And like I don’t even agree with the OP bc you can pick whether to join the rat race and try to “keep up.” But some of you exemplify the attitude she’s talking about in the OP.


right?? especially the PP who was bragging that her DS would never hit on another PP’s “basic” daughter.

I would love to be in a more intellectual community like the college town I grew up in, but in this area, avoiding the rich *ssholes seems like the better choice.


Shut your mouf
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:We moved due to school closures to Charlottesville. Everything is just a bit more relaxed here, though people are well educated and my child’s (inexpensive private) school is much better than her previous school. I try not to express pity to my dc friends, but I do pity their rat race situation . . . It’s also easier to get into college from here. I can’t find a downside.


Charlottesville used to actually be a pretty nice, low-key place to live until people started flocking there to flee the rat race and just brought their major metro ways with them. It feels like anywhere else now.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:This thread is turning into a big a— validation of OP’s point. Holy moly. The DL (or not so DL) prejudice re: different ethnic groups, the classism, bickering on what’s actually tasteful/“worth it” money wise, passive aggressively looking down on other people’s fashion choices/wants, dissing different towns, getting triggered about someone making different choices. Blah. And like I don’t even agree with the OP bc you can pick whether to join the rat race and try to “keep up.” But some of you exemplify the attitude she’s talking about in the OP.


right?? especially the PP who was bragging that her DS would never hit on another PP’s “basic” daughter.

I would love to be in a more intellectual community like the college town I grew up in, but in this area, avoiding the rich *ssholes seems like the better choice.


I'm with you. In a college town, or a place with more "math" nerds (like Boston or the Bay Area), I would love to have my kids within that community. Here the UMC communities are mostly segregationist a-holes who are not particularly nerdy, so I'd rather stay on the city.
post reply Forum Index » General Parenting Discussion
Message Quick Reply
Go to: