Reply to I hate where we live.

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "I hate where we live."

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Wherever you go, there you are. [/quote]

Please, please, please stop quoting this! Do you think people haven’t heard this before? It is simply not true in a lot of cases. Where you live matters![/quote]

True, but only people who have resided elsewhere, or have a frame of reference better than the DC area, understand this. [/quote]

Of course where you live matters.

This involves conflict between a wife who wants to move elsewhere vs. a husband who does not want to move  elsewhere.

The wife is repeatedly saying all the reasons why she thinks DMV sucks and that her husband is an ahole because he won't move and she is ready to divorce him.

But all of the reasons she gave were untrue. Other than money.  It's not the traffic it's not the weather it's not being close to family because she's talking about moving to Princeton.  She said she can live cheaper in Princeton and they can make equal or more combined income there.

Now someone says it's "parenting culture.". Translation it's money and status.  [b]OP feels she can't live the comparative lifestyle she thinks she is entitled to in DMV and has a low rank in the parenting culture.  She can't afford the best private schools.  She cant afford.to live in the biggest house in the best neighborhoods with Barack and Michelle.  She can't afford a new SUV every year.[/b]

In contrast, husband is satisfied with the money they make and the lifestyle they lead.  May not put them at the top of the parental culture heap but is adequate.

Ops feelings and opinions are entitled to exactly zero priority more than her husband's.  She has not given a single good reason to uproot the entire family to move to Princeton.  It would disrupt both of their employment and the kids schooling to get what in return?  She thinks she will wind up in a better neighborhood in a better house?  Maybe maybe not.  It's a gamble.  You don't take major gambles like that with school age kids unless you have clear buy in from both parents.  She doesn't.  She is completely I persuasive.

"Wahhhhhh I am so unhappy and will divorce you if we don't move!!!" is not going to work on an actual man.[/quote]

The fact that you think the bolded is what everyone wants is exactly what a lot of people don't like about the culture in the DMV. The idea that you think there is a "parental culture heap" that you can be "at the top of" is precisely what I hate about parenting culture in DC. No thank you.[/quote]

You haven't explained what you mean by "parenting culture.". But you seem to think many others believe it is a status competition, and that you dislike that other people think that.

So how is that different from what I had expressed?  Parenting culture means the status competiton among DMV moms for who has more.status.and.wealth.  apparently it's a real thing and you hate.it.

What I told the other pp, and ask you, is why do you hate it?  Nothing requires you to participate.  It's your own insecurities at play.  Thats you, not where you live.  You feel deeply insecure if you're not at or near the top of what you perceive to be the heap and it bugs you to be reminded that.you care.  But you obviously do [/quote]

Oh my god, listen to yourself.[/quote]

This person is rapidly showing their craziness. There are many things around parenting that are just different or easier other places.

[/quote]

Name some of these things around parenting that are easier in other places.  Is around parenting different from parental culture?[/quote]

- School choice, charters, privates, and vast discrepancies in quality of public schools in DC and other major cities make education much more complicated and fraught than in other places where most kids attend in boundary publics. Even if the schools are lower quality than the "best" schools in this area, the simplicity of that system is appealing because it would be easier.

- Living in an area with a lot of high achievers leads to a very achievement focused cultured that can make it hard for kids to casually participate in activities. Kids in this area tend to do more than in other areas, which means it can be harder to get a spot in activities and once you do, there can be a lot of pressure to be competitive. Even if you are more laid back, the culture of other kids and families can impact your kid.

- Living somewhere with a high cost of living means that a larger portion of your income goes into housing and basics, leaving less money left for college and retirement savings, vacations, hobbies, and other discretionary spending. Having less discretionary money makes parenting harder. The appeal of moving somewhere that would make it easier to pay for housing and savings while also have more leftover for "extras" is obvious. As a general rule, parenting with more money is always easier than parenting with less money.

- There are some things specific to the DC area that are not really designed for families or are a huge time suck for families. Activities can be spread out, often kids go to school miles from home. Huge competition for sports venues so games and meets can be all over the place. And traffic is bad. It can be very hard to arrange your live in this area in a way that avoids spending huge amounts of time driving around the are for kids activities, especially as they get older. Living in a more compact college town or a very family-friendly suburb, you'll have fewer public transportation options but might still drive less.

A lot of this is easier if you have a lot of money or a lot of family help. But lots of people here have neither. Thus they want to move.

I will never understand why people find this shocking or weird. It's a pretty standard and common story in most major cities.[/quote]

These are all very good reasons to move.  I have no doubt D.C. public schools are terrible.  The suburban va and md schools were very good when we lived there but I guess even they are terrible now?  Too bad maybe think about voting for the other party in the next election.

Yes I also agree it's hard to stretch a dollar, perhaps voting for the party that promises to lower rather than raise your taxes is an option?

Especially when endless amounts of that tax money gets poured into schools which keep getting worse and worse and turning out illiterate thugs who are better at whatever than algebra.

Please note that OP listed none of your very good reasons as her reasons to move to Princeton.  Perhaps she should have been more thoughtful instead of.threstening to kidnap her children.[/quote]

This comment is like a buffet of idiocy. Are you a bot? How can someone who lives in DC vote to make suburban schools better? Also you've lumped VA publics and MD publics, which are in areas with very different politicians. OP never said she threatened to kidnap her kids. She just said she and her DH have argued over moving and he won't budge. I empathize with her situation. It sucks to live somewhere you don't want to be.[/quote]

No one said they could.  But if md and VA schools are still good, then you don't need to move to Princeton if the concern is school quality.  You can move to the md or VA suburbs.

OP absolutely said she threatened to kidnap her kids but not in the first post.  She admitted she told her husband if he didn't agree to the move she would go without him and take the kids with her, interstate.
 That's kidnapping. Men get prosecuted for it all the time.  And thats when he told her if she tried it he would divorce her and seek full custody. It wasn't just an argument.  She tried to blackmail him by threatening to kidnap the kids.

She even had a consult with a lawyer first so she was serious about actually doing it, it wasn't just heat of the moment and spoken in anger with no intention of following through.  Fortunately her lawyer talked her.down.

So who is the bad parent and bad spouse here?  Obviously the spouse who tries to blackmail the other spouse by threatening to take away the children.  [/quote] OP here - this post sums up an aspect of DC that I also dislike but haven’t touched on yet - the increased amount of people who double down and speak with such confidence and authority on matters when they are DEAD WRONG. It’s not every person here but it’s so irritating. [/quote]

Lady this is an internet message board.  The Internet is everywhere.  You can log onto DCUM from Princeton and it will look the same.

What part is dead wrong?

If you didn't threaten to move the kids with you to Princeton without your husband's consent, why did you say you made that threat?

Why did you go to a lawyer who had to tell you not to do it, if you weren't planning on it?

In any case.you are perfectly free to move to Princeton by yourself and have said you can afford to buy a house there so do it.
 
If you think the kids will be better off in Princeton you can go to court and make that argument to a judge.  If you don't think a judge will buy into it why do you think anyone else should?

Everyone is dead wrong except you apparently.  You husband, your lawyer, me.

Do it.  Do what is best for your children.  Move to Princeton, file for divorce, get custody, bring the kids to Princeton.  If you have a good case you can even try to get your attorneys fees paid for by your husband.

[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics