Who pays - you or parents?

[Anonymous]

This is a constant "issue" between me and my sibling. She has always been of the mindset that my parents should pay for dinners when eating out and we are present (solo or with our own kids). I always just pay and don't think anything of it. Our dad will usually always pay but when it's my mom solo, she rarely reaches for her wallet.

Me and my sister are both adults and she's married. I make decent/good pay and her HHI is as well. I think her issue is my mom talks about all the $ she spends on this or that yet never on us. It's not an issue that bothers me but for some reason drives my sister nuts.

Question- how does your family handle stuff like this (mainly dining out if its your kids, you/spouse and parent)?

[Anonymous]

We tend to pay (or at least try to pay). I know I like to treat my mom, plus she's retired so I feel bad when she spends money on me.

[Anonymous]

Me and my sister are both adults and she's married. I make decent/good pay and her HHI is as well. I think her issue is my mom talks about all the $ she spends on this or that yet never on us. It's not an issue that bothers me but for some reason drives my sister nuts.

Please not the bolded sections above. You are adults, she is married and your mom is entitled to spend HER money any way she sees fit. Why would any adult expect their parents to pay for their meals or spend money on them. Arrested development. Time to grow up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Me and my sister are both adults and she's married. I make decent/good pay and her HHI is as well. I think her issue is my mom talks about all the $ she spends on this or that yet never on us. It's not an issue that bothers me but for some reason drives my sister nuts.

Please not the bolded sections above. You are adults, she is married and your mom is entitled to spend HER money any way she sees fit. Why would any adult expect their parents to pay for their meals or spend money on them. Arrested development. Time to grow up.

I agree which is why I added those points. My sister is surrounded by groups who's parents pay for everything so I think that's why she has that mindset, right or wrong.

[Anonymous]

My parents always pay. My dad has way more money than we do and my mom always says she will pay now because she doesn't have small kids and we do...but when we are more established and she is too old to work we will pay for a lot of her expenses, care and recreation.

[Anonymous]

I rarely eat out with my parents but DH's parents almost always pay for dinner. Once in a while we'll insist and they let us, but they mostly pay. Probably because they can and like to treat us.

[Anonymous]

They insist on paying when we're out. We return the favor as much as possible when we visit by taking the ingredients to make a favorite meal. If we go out, they insist on paying. If we show up with food and make the meal, nobody argues.

[Anonymous]

Bunch of "adult" mooches who will bitch about their irresponsible parents if there is ever a time their money runs out. Grow up!

[Anonymous]

My parents always at least offer to pay, my inlaws never do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous



My parents always at least offer to pay, my inlaws never do.

Entitled much? You are an adult. Why should they pay your way?

[Anonymous]

We all pay - both my parents and inlaws like to pay from time to time. I think it works out to almost 50-50 but nobody keeps track when both mom and dad are there. Both mothers are more comfortable than dads when we offer to pay, so when they come alone we probably cover 2/3 of the outings.

[Anonymous]

My pArents always pay (95% of time) but we always pay for MIl because she is a spendthrift and always broke (even though her pension = our HHI go figure)

[Anonymous]

Both DH & my folks live a thousand miles away, so visits here are long weekends and usually include a lot of meals out.

My inlaws are much wealthier than we are and both still working (but we are just fine) and refuse to let us treat - we have tried, but even with little outings its like they know "what we're up to" and zip ahead of us with a credit card. When in town, they encourage us to choose the places we never treat ourselves to.

My mom is a widow - my dad died before retirement and she is okay financially but also on a fixed income. We either treat or cook together at home when she comes to visit, except that she always asks to treat us to a thank you dinner somewhere. We try to tell her it's not necessary but she likes doing it and can, so we go with it and enjoy ourselves. When dad was alive they always insisted on treating too, so I would always plan a super-fancy meal at home for them.

On the other hand, when DH's grandfather was still alive he was elderly and in assisted living. If a group of us went out to a restaurant, DH's aunt (who is very well off but also a grownup still considering herself the baby of that branch of the family) would be clear that she expected the grandfather (her dad) to pay. Of course we didn't let that happen and got the check ourselves, but jeez.

Sometimes parents paying for grown children is mooching, sometimes it's not. If parents want to treat and are able to, it's one thing (and a lucky one at that). But your sister expecting them to treat just because they're your parents seems a bit grabby to me (whether or not you can afford it, but especially so if you can).

I don't know what you can do about it that you haven't already tried though, OP - it seems like your sister has decided that it's the way things ought to be and you've had a tough time changing her mind already.

[Anonymous]

My parents usually insist on paying. With in laws we usually pay or split the costs.

[Anonymous]

With my parents we usually pay. My mom expects it, and she will order that most expensive thing on the menu. She rarely says thank you. My dad offers to pay. FIL always tries to pay. He and DH fight over it. MIL never pays either. We aren't ever out with them all at the same time.