Trying to get a Harvard husband in Boston

[Anonymous]

Don't judge, ok? I'm not just going to grab the first Harvard guy I see and marry him, but I want to know where to meet these men. I spend a lot of time in Cambridge, but mostly see undergrads there. Where do the med school, law school, and b-school guys hang out?

Please don't hate. There are threads here about cheating on a marriage and people give advice on that; there's a thread about fetishes in the explicit forum and people want to have sex with dogs and their parents. Nobody is flaming them. I'm just looking to date a guy from Harvard, but am not sure where to meet them. If you don't like this thread don't respond. I'm just posting my question in this forum because it's anonymous and frankly I feel like the people who use this forum are in that kind of crowd anyway.

If you went to Harvard, or was part of the student social scene in Boston when you were younger, or live and work here, I'd love some advice. I live closer to Tufts and just moved here for work a couple months ago. Late twenties, fit and trim, well-put-together girl with her own job, with NO plans of becoming a SAHM. Thanks.

[Anonymous]

No suggestions, but good luck with it! And why the mention about not staying home? It's not a bad gig you know

[Anonymous]

Well . . . for starters, I think the guys would smell you from a mile away. When I went to Harvard Law no one was thinking of marriage. No women were there for an Mrs. degree. The men just wanted sex with no attachments because of the tremendous pressure on them (Go rent "Paper Chase" - the movie with Houseman, not the series - one of the issues it explores is multiple failed personal relationships while at HLS). We had mixers on campus but it was mostly just us law students. When the men did go off campus, it was by bus to the seven sister campuses but it was simply to get sex, as in Simmons Mattress. i can't think of anyone in my law school class who was actively dating an undergrad or a woman off campus. We had a few romances amongst ourselves but we were working too hard to care, really. So there were the occasional hook-ups. Same was true in practice - most of us married very late. I'm afraid if you made yourself available you will just be used for a night or two.

There were zero weddings during my 3 years there. Most of the women waited until their 30s to get married so were well-along in their practices.

There is, however, a Harvard Magazine that services all the schools. in the back of it are a number of old-fashioned ISOs - I often read them because they are so interesting, sometimes well-written, and funny. But those ads are mostly from older Harvard men and women seeking one another but if you can find a copy of that (probably online) you will see all the ads.

There are also some dating services that link Ivy graduates. A friend of mine is using one right now. They also (MANY! agencies) advertise in the back of Harvard Magazine. I don't think you mentioned if you finished your B.A. . . . . ?

Perhaps a more recent grad will have better info for you. Unless times have changed, the people in Harvard professional schools aren't there to date or find marriage partners. And as for the libraries, they are tightly secured so that only Harvard students (or MIT) can use them, so you won't be able to get in to study.

[Anonymous]

While I think your idea is a good one (seriously, who doesn't want to marry a smart and successful Ivy league grad), I think most of the law students, med students, and MBA students are younger than you. They are probably ages 22 - 26. Plus I agree that no one gets married while in grad school. They get married at age 30 - 32. So, maybe you could get a job at a hospital or big law firm in Boston and meet a hopsital resident or associate.

[Anonymous]

00:41 back. Forgot to mention that most law schools have more women students than men. That was certainly not the case when I was there. But that will reduce your odds even more.

If you care to disclose, what is your religion? I mention that only because there are some active church groups in Cambridge. The Mormon church has a ward almost across the street from the law school. I went to Catholic Mass a number of times with a roommate in Harvard square. All of those churches are open to anyone. Our church here in VA has its own separate ministry for young single adults. If you could find that in a church in Harvard Square you might hit gold.

[Anonymous]

@00:13, this is why I mentioned I'm not looking to be a SAHM:

Well . . . for starters, I think the guys would smell you from a mile away.

I'm not trying to be a trophy wife! But I really appreciate this insider's perspective on HLS. I'm actually amazed because I know people at BU Law and a lot of long-term relationships formed there. I guess HLS kids just gun harder?

And yes, I went to an LAC that is not in the northeast and have a white-collar job in a field that I like. So I'm definitely not a street bum trying to screw my way into a good marriage.

I'm 27 so this is pretty much the average "Settling Down" period for women.

Shame that these men are all in hook-up mode!

[Anonymous]

I went to BU and my (now husband) went to BU Law. We got together in Boston but didn't get engaged or married until late 20's for me, early 30's for him.

[Anonymous]

I want to add that most of the Ivy League men I know married Ivy League women. Seriously. It is not like the old days when Ivy League men married their secretaries. These successful ambitious men marry equally successful ambitious women. So honestly, you best bet is to getting into Harvard Biz school yourself.

Or attend an equally good grad school and then meet him on the job.

[Anonymous]

HBS grad here (male). Most of the men were either already either married/in relationships when they entered b-school or intended to enjoy the single life for the next two years. Quite a few of the women also did not care about marriage. However, some did and were frustrated that they couldn't get a husband out of it.

The HBS students usually live on campus, though some live off campus.

[Anonymous]

I have a funny story...The summer after I graduated from law school, one of my male friends told me he was going to study for the bar exam at the Georgetown Med Library (we went to a nearby law school but not Georgetown) because he joked (but he was sort of serious) that he wanted to meet a nice female med student. Well, sure enough, he met her (at the library) and they were married a year later. They are very, very happy and have two kids. they just celebrated their 20th anniversary.

[Anonymous]

Also, these Harvard men (and my brother is one) are so ambitious and successful and sorta egotistical that they have very high standards for potential wives. They expect her to be highly educated (at a top school), grad school not just college, beautiful and in shape, and have a very good job. They want the whole package. and they can get it.

[Anonymous]

2L at Boston College Law here. It's the same hookup culture on our campus. Nobody wants to be tied down right now because they are focused on their careers.

My mentor is married to an HLS grad, but he met her when he moved to New York for work - not when they were both in Boston. I don't know anyone who met their soulmate in law school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Also, these Harvard men (and my brother is one) are so ambitious and successful and sorta egotistical that they have very high standards for potential wives. They expect her to be highly educated (at a top school), grad school not just college, beautiful and in shape, and have a very good job. They want the whole package. and they can get it.

This is sooo true.

- Went to Emerson undergrad.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thanks for the responses. Some of them are surprising/enlightening and some of them are close to what I expected. Would still love to hear more anecdotes and advice from men and women who have recently gone to Harvard grad schools.

I have a funny story...The summer after I graduated from law school, one of my male friends told me he was going to study for the bar exam at the Georgetown Med Library (we went to a nearby law school but not Georgetown) because he joked (but he was sort of serious) that he wanted to meet a nice female med student. Well, sure enough, he met her (at the library) and they were married a year later. They are very, very happy and have two kids. they just celebrated their 20th anniversary.

I swear this is like out of a movie. Very cute though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for the responses. Some of them are surprising/enlightening and some of them are close to what I expected. Would still love to hear more anecdotes and advice from men and women who have recently gone to Harvard grad schools.

I have a funny story...The summer after I graduated from law school, one of my male friends told me he was going to study for the bar exam at the Georgetown Med Library (we went to a nearby law school but not Georgetown) because he joked (but he was sort of serious) that he wanted to meet a nice female med student. Well, sure enough, he met her (at the library) and they were married a year later. They are very, very happy and have two kids. they just celebrated their 20th anniversary.

I swear this is like out of a movie. Very cute though.

I am a little worried these friends of my are on DCUM and will recognize themselves! Oh, well. It was so funny to me because it was my male friend who hatched the plan when usually this would be a female's idea - to scope out a library, etc.