does attitude or positive thinking matter?

[Anonymous]

Any thoughts? I was feeling low but I am trying to focus on being positive? Have you evever been confident you were pregnant and were wrong?

[Anonymous]

I don't think being "positive" or "stress free" really makes a difference if you have a true infertility issue. I was very carefree for our first 1.5 years of casually TTC because I wasn't in a rush. Then the stress started once we discovered the factors preventing a pregnancy. I've never felt 100% positive I was pregnant so was not surprised that I have been consistently wrong.

[Anonymous]

Not scientific, but my best friend was positive she would get pregnant for 5 years, and nothing. When she was at her lowest point in her struggle (in my opinion) was when she got pregnant.

[Anonymous]

No, there have actually been studies done.

[Anonymous]

Thinking positive and getting really pregnant are not related. if that was true, I would have had 5-6 kids by now but I have none.

[Anonymous]

I don't think it matters and also I think you can drive yourself crazy thinking it does. I think the best thing is to give yourself a break and feel whatever you're going to feel whether its fear, anger, frustration, positivity, negativity...all normal and I don't believe makes a difference. I did find that acupuncture helped me keep my emotions in check.

[Anonymous]

Funny, OP you are apparently having the same internal debate that I was having yesterday but came to the opposite conclusion.

I have no scientific evidence to back this up, but after a year of TTC post-ectopic and my first failed IUI, I am realizing that I may be in it for the long haul. I've decided the only way I'm going to make it through this process without becoming an emotional basketcase is if I resign myself to the worst possible outcome now and stop getting my hopes up each month. I realize it sounds extremely negative, but for me at least, I think I need to make peace with my worst fears if I'm going to keep from having a meltdown each month and try to enjoy my life as best I can. Doesn't mean that I'm giving up on trying to get pregnant, just going to keep my expectations at a minimum and mentally prepare myself for other possibilities (i.e. adoption) now, even if I don't start down that road just yet. Then if I do get pregnant, it will be a great surprise.

[Anonymous]

I am 12:03 poster and I agree with 12:35. Having realistic thinking helps a lot.. prepare for the worst and if good happens, enjoy.

[Anonymous]

If happy thoughts and no stress were a requirement, people who get raped would never get pregnant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thinking positive and getting really pregnant are not related. if that was true, I would have had 5-6 kids by now but I have none.

Agree!!! If it were only that "easy!"

[Anonymous]

I was a sobbing, stressed basketcase when I finally got my BFP after a really long road. I focused on being positive for years before that and nothing happened. In other words, there was absolutely no correlation in my case.

[Anonymous]

Yeah, I believe attitude has no bearing on the outcome. If you believe it does, then you are putting impossible pressure on yourself (thinking: if only I were more optimistic or less stressed it would work; therefore, my cycle failed bc I had the wrong attitude, so its my fault). Dangerous, unfair thought pattern. All attitude does is effect the way you cope with your situation. That is important, too.

[Anonymous]

People who say that it does are the ones who have never been through this. It's easy to throw out platitudes when you're not the one with the heartbreak and crushing disappointments of infertility.

This isn't a job interview, or presentation at work. It's physical reactions inside your body, which have been proven by studies to not be affected by stress or happy hormones.

It's another version of "relax and you'll get pregnant".

I agree with PP, it's impossible pressure to try to be positive all the time.

Of course the better you can feel, the better for you, so by all means do take vacations, do exercise, meditation, etc. It's not going to get you pregnant but in case it's a long road, taking care of yourself as much as possible can only be a good thing.

[Anonymous]

I agree with that I don't think your attitude or positive thinking makes a difference in the outcome. It really is putting unncessary added pressure on yourself. We've been at this for over three years and I've been all over the spectrum. I have found, however, that your attitude can affect how you cope with things like setbacks and your relationship with the people in your life.

I think the best thing to do is to give yourself permission to feel the way you do, have a support group (friends/family/therapist, etc.) for when you need them, and develop healthy coping mechanisms. You'll feel the way you feel and whatever that is for the day or moment, it's ok.

For me, I came up with different coping mechanisms. For example, I've gotten more involved in certain volunteer activities (pet rescue) to prevent me from focusing on infertility all the time which was making me a basketcase. It's gotten me out of the house when I feel like crap.

After our first year and a half of trying and after getting a really lousy diagnosis, we adopted a dog. She's the first dog I ever owned and was a ton of work, but she has really helped my husband and I cope during some tough times. She gets us out of the house and makes us laugh with her antics. She's definetly decreased our stress levels.

Everyone's coping mechanism will be different but I have felt a lot less stress since starting to volunteer. I would recommend trying different things to see what works for you to help. I tried meditation but ironically, it was stressful for me.

[Anonymous]

I was neurotic, crazy and depressed the month I finally got a positive test from IVF whereas previous IVF cycles were all negatives as were months and months of having carefree vacation sex.