Non-Ivy chip on shoulder
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Anonymous
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I'm literally the only one of my close group of friends who didn't go to an Ivy League school. We've been friends since high school and I feel like I've done as well for myself career-wise as they have, but they definitely make me feel excluded sometimes in subtle ways. I went to a state school because I fucked around in high school. I got serious in college and ended up in an investment bank. Now not only do I have to deal with my high school friends, but everyone at work - they went to Ivies or the equivalent (U Chicago, Stanford, etc). Reading DCUM, it's like everyone here went to those schools too.
I just feel like no matter how successful I try to be in life, that state school is going to be stain on my resume. I say this despite actually having had a great time at that school and knowing, rationally, that I should not feel this way. I know it is wrong and stupid. And I don't want to fall into the trap of going to any Ivy League B-school just to get that chip off my shoulder because that would feel like I'm giving in to my insecurity. But I just want to know if there are others in my situation, and how you dealt with it. I hate myself for feeling this insecure. I am not sure why I am posting in this forum. Just reading the college threads make me think about it. Sorry if this is the wrong board. |
Anonymous
| My DH attended exclusively public schools and universities. He went to a top-ranked public law school, worked in Big Law for eight years and now makes seven figures at a hedge fund. He is surrounded by ivy grads. How does he deal with it? By being the best at his job. He is well-respected for his expertise and deal-making skills. You've gotten this far because of who you are, not where you went to school. My DH mentors young alumni from his alma mater and serves on boards of charitable organizations. Set your sights ahead, not behind. |
Anonymous
I could have written this post as well. It applies to my scenario exactly. Do your job well, hold your head up and enjoy spending the money you make! the ++ll with the Ivy Leaguers who don't treat you well. If it rains, they'll drown anyway! |
Anonymous
| How old are you? |
Anonymous
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OP, your friends sound like jerks. I went to an Ivy, many of my friends did not. Actually I don't know where some of my friends went to school. It really doesn't matter to grown ups and if it matters to your friends, they are really immature.
It may be that you are being over sensitive because of the chip on your shoulder. In which case you need to snap out of it. if you can't get through this on your own you should see a therapist. If you learn not to care about this, others will follow. |
Anonymous
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You know what, OP? Maybe you should go to an Ivy B-school, because then you will see that the Ivies aren't the magical places you are imagining them to be.
Seriously, though, the longer you are out of college the less it matter where you attended. You are judged far more on your accomplishments -- what you did with your degree and who you are as a person. Remember that. |
Anonymous
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The first step for you should be to avoid visiting this forum. People here are far snobbier than those on the campus of any Ivy. The mindset on DCUM is that, unless you attended certain schools and live in certain neighborhoods, you simply don't count.
If you had a good experience at your school, you might talk about it. Same for your Ivy friends. It doesn't mean they are trying to exclude you, but neither should they have to watch what they say around you. |
Anonymous
| I also didn't go to an Ivy and work with tons of Ivy people. I honestly think that I'm the smart one because I got the exact same job as the Ivy folks without having to spend a fortune on the Ivy degree. I get a kick out of it - you think you're so smart with your Ivy degree? I went to public high school in a poor state and then got a scholarship to good (but not great) undergrad and law school and did well and now I'm in the same place you are. Honestly, good for you that you did well at your state school and got a good job. It sounds like you're fairly young (if you're still considering B-school), but the farther you get out from school, the less this matters. And honestly, anyone looking down on you because you're not Ivy is an ass. |
Anonymous
I'm PP: let me go ahead and correct myself and say "the further you get out from school" before some snarky person tells me that I would know the difference between further and farther if I had gone to an Ivy. |
Anonymous
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OP, you have the wrong friends. I went to NYU undergrad and Yale for law school. I have friends that had similar educational paths, and friends that didn't go to college at all, or went to Fordham on a sports scholarship. I barely know where my friends went to college. It's not relevant to our lives, really.
Get more mature friends. Get more confidence in what you've done with your life. |
Anonymous
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Why are people blaming the friends? It's not clear they are doing or saying anything, other than having made a decision to go to a top college when they were 17/18. Sounds like it's more in OPs head.
OP, focus on the here and now. At this point in my life most people I am friendly with have no idea where I went to college and grad school. I did go to an ivy league school for grad school, but it just doesn't come up in conversation so it's a non issue. |
Anonymous
OP-I hope maybe just posting this and getting it out will make you feel better.  My school was not close to Ivy but I loved it and it is a school that I am proud to say I went to.
I have some Ivy friends and relatives and my Uncle is a Dean at a major Ivy League medical school and I love to talk to him because it gives me perspective. He tells me all the time how hard it is to get into and how you don't have to go to these schools to have a great career or college experience. |
Anonymous
| About +/-10 years out of college and no one cares where you went. Other than having the networking opportunities, once you're out of school you sink or swim. |
Anonymous
OP, this PP is the poster child (pun) for how a lot of this insecurity can be in your own head. If you spend much time on this forum, you will notice that the only ivy- related threads are the several threads panning/defending the drinking culture at Dartmouth. Sure, you will see a few people saying "I went to an Ivy" or "my kid goes to an ivy" but it's usually in the context of what it takes to get into a *generic selective* school, and anyway are these posters supposed to lie to spare poor PP's feelings? The Dartmouth drinking threads are swamped on DCUM by the threads asking about good schools for B students, Oberlin, U Wisc, Clemson, Emery, Elon.... But don't take my word for it, check the thread titles for yourself. Don't be this poster. If you want to see real ivy-obsession, head over to the ivy threads on College Confidential. That's where all the "how do I get into Yale" and "chance me for Harvard" and "will my helicoptered kid like Princeton" obsessives hang out. |
Anonymous
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OP here. Thanks a lot and I know I sounded like an idiot. Yeah I'm 23 year old white male, and I guess it seems like a more recent and important experience (college) so my peers and I are still in that mentality.
Really good to read these responses. Thanks. |