Non-Ivy chip on shoulder

[Anonymous]

I think the problem is that you are young and your world view is small. This happens to all of us. We tend to compare ourselves with those we know- our friends, our neighbors, our coworkers. If you get out of your circle and travel the country or the world or even just read a lot about how others live you will not feel this any longer. You will realize this as you get older too. Once you get past that first job and have worked for different places you realize no one cares or asks where you went to college.

[Anonymous]

For many people going to an Ivy will be the high point in their career. An Ivy give you all the opportunities, connections, etc and most grads do not go on to do great things. They get a better starting position b/c of the Ivy. When they don't have the cool job, make big money and just have an above average middle class life, they feel like everyone else. It is easy to associate with the Ivy and feel like the success of a few is your. There is nothing you can do about it. Its more about their insecurities.

[Anonymous]

I know a few people who do not hire Ivy undergrads. They have problems with expectations.

[Anonymous]

OP, if you're only 23 you'll just have to ride it out. People are insecure about their lives, but hopefully they'll outgrow. I got recruited by Yale, but went to an easy school down south instead and I only have a BA. I work with people older than I am who have advanced degrees from expensive schools... I make more money than they do and I got promoted over them. When I moved back to DC i felt like I should go to grad school just because. Everyone else was doing it. In hindsight that would've been a huge mistake in my field (tons of debt with little to no payoff) so I'm glad I didn't give in to pressure.

[Anonymous]

What was it Gordon Gekko said? Something like: "Look at me. I went to City College... and now these Ivy League schmucks are sucking my kneecaps."

[Anonymous]

OP, it's only natural to ask what somebody has been doing for the past few years. When you're 23, that's going to be college. When you're 30, that's going to be your job and maybe your family. In fact, at some point the people who are still asking about your college start to look like douches who can't move on. So yes, it will get better!

[Anonymous]

OP -- I met a guy over the weekend who went to the University of Georgia (which I thought was for duds) and he has the same job in equity/investments that a lot of Ivy grads have. I was actually wondering how he did so well. The thing about going to an Ivy is you rarely have to prove how smart you are; whereas if you went to a dud state university (I did!)...you always have to prove you're a diamond in the rough. Same life/same pay/have to keep proving yourself. Don't worry about what others think though...no one else cares (really!)

[Anonymous]

My high school BFF went to Columbia, I went to Big State U. We talked a lot freshman year, and then it kind of tapered off as she got subconsciously aware of her "privilege" and new world. I stayed calm and didn't let it get to me.

At graduation, I went on to a top-ten (non-Ivy) law school and now am at an awesome firm making six figures. She went straight into a small consulting firm - not even management consulting - where she earns less than 70k. She has quietly come down off her high horse and we are genuinely friendly again.

The moral of the story is that my friend learned that it does not matter. Columbia did not guarantee her Mckinsey or BCG, even though she graduated with honors. My state university did not shut the doors to the admittedly dubious honor of Biglaw in a major city. Now even really insecure people wouldn't ever say anything about my undergraduate credentials because they know they would look like idiots.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I honestly think that I'm the smart one because I got the exact same job as the Ivy folks without having to spend a fortune on the Ivy degree. I get a kick out of it - you think you're so smart with your Ivy degree? I went to public high school in a poor state and then got a scholarship to good (but not great) undergrad and law school and did well and now I'm in the same place you are.

This is what I tell my husband. He's in an industry surrounded by grads of Ivies and other prestigious schools.

Some people are snarky or rude to him about it, but they all ended up in the same place. If anything, they should be the ones feeling bad that they couldn't do better than the guy who went to a crappy state school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My high school BFF went to Columbia, I went to Big State U. We talked a lot freshman year, and then it kind of tapered off as she got subconsciously aware of her "privilege" and new world. I stayed calm and didn't let it get to me.

At graduation, I went on to a top-ten (non-Ivy) law school and now am at an awesome firm making six figures. She went straight into a small consulting firm - not even management consulting - where she earns less than 70k. She has quietly come down off her high horse and we are genuinely friendly again.

The moral of the story is that my friend learned that it does not matter. Columbia did not guarantee her Mckinsey or BCG, even though she graduated with honors. My state university did not shut the doors to the admittedly dubious honor of Biglaw in a major city. Now even really insecure people wouldn't ever say anything about my undergraduate credentials because they know they would look like idiots.

Or, your Columbia friend didn't want to work at McKinsey, or even at a place that resembles McKinsey. Not everybody does. Columbia and schools like that can be incredibly intense, and some people go through the college growth process and decide they want to jump off that hamster wheel. Nothing wrong with that, and no reason to assume your friend somehow failed to secure the brass ring that should have been hers by right. So for OP, the moral of the story could equally be that not every ivy grad is a hard-charging dynamo who measures your (or their own) success by the name of your college or your employer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know a few people who do not hire Ivy undergrads. They have problems with expectations.

This is wrong. I am not an ivy grad, but went to a fairly well regarded slac and top ten law school. I once worked for someone from the Midwest who was very prejudiced against people who had gone to prestigious east coast schools. She favored Midwestern and state school candidates and employees to a ridiculous degree. (Bonus points if you were catholic.) I think it was largely because she was insecure about her education and intelligence. Don't swing too far the other way, op.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks a lot and I know I sounded like an idiot. Yeah I'm 23 year old white male, and I guess it seems like a more recent and important experience (college) so my peers and I are still in that mentality.

Really good to read these responses. Thanks.

Ohhhhh, you're 23! No wonder you feel insecure about this! I hope you won't think I'm being patronizing when I say this but as you get more experience of life you'll start realizing there are lots of smart and capable people who went to state schools and lots of rich shallow people who went to Ivies. OP, I went to Georgetown and dh went to a state university but dh has been much more successful at his career than I have - it embarrasses me, in fact.

I know you won't be able to let go of this for some time to come but do try - or at least try to look beyond it until you honestly can let go of it. Hang in there, OP!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know a few people who do not hire Ivy undergrads. They have problems with expectations.

This is wrong. I am not an ivy grad, but went to a fairly well regarded slac and top ten law school. I once worked for someone from the Midwest who was very prejudiced against people who had gone to prestigious east coast schools. She favored Midwestern and state school candidates and employees to a ridiculous degree. (Bonus points if you were catholic.) I think it was largely because she was insecure about her education and intelligence. Don't swing too far the other way, op.

It sounds like 1st PP is managing a Starbucks, in which case I agree that expectations could definitely be a problem. Otherwise I agree with you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think the problem is that you are young and your world view is small. This happens to all of us. We tend to compare ourselves with those we know- our friends, our neighbors, our coworkers. If you get out of your circle and travel the country or the world or even just read a lot about how others live you will not feel this any longer. You will realize this as you get older too. Once you get past that first job and have worked for different places you realize no one cares or asks where you went to college.

This is great advice. I moved into a neighborhood where many of my neighbors are janitors and security guards. You realize that people who work hard and care for their families deserve respect regardless of whether they went to a top college or not -- or even went to college at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the problem is that you are young and your world view is small. This happens to all of us. We tend to compare ourselves with those we know- our friends, our neighbors, our coworkers. If you get out of your circle and travel the country or the world or even just read a lot about how others live you will not feel this any longer. You will realize this as you get older too. Once you get past that first job and have worked for different places you realize no one cares or asks where you went to college.

This is great advice. I moved into a neighborhood where many of my neighbors are janitors and security guards. You realize that people who work hard and care for their families deserve respect regardless of whether they went to a top college or not -- or even went to college at all.

+1 I work at a non-profit and we serve lots of low-wage and even homeless people. You come to understand and appreciate all people no matter their situation. Oh, and some of the most compassionate people we have on staff are Ivy and Ivy Law. I've never ever heard one of them ever mention the name of the school they went to. Not every Ivy grad is a privileged D-bag, sometimes they are truly just great people.