Another beach nightmare
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Anonymous
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I really want to go on the "family" beach trip. Often, the ILs and/or nieces/nephews bow out last minute, under the guise of "commitments". I imagine they can't stand the thought, much like me. But our vacation time is quite limited this summer, and I really would like some beach time. I fear I will regret it immediately and be stranded. I am not really a drinker, otherwise I would resort to drinking. DH becomes a different person around his family, they revert to their old nightmare familial roles; and as it turns out, they have a LOT of resentment for DH. It gets passive aggressive and ugly. In other words, they are sneaky and stealth about their ways, but any third party would know there is an intangible problem; yet not know what to say to 20 people who are feigning ignorance and seemingly perfectly happy with the crap that goes on. It is difficult to explain, I suppose.
Besides drinking, is there any way to ensure that DH does not triangulate and act like the rotten person they bring out in him? Or should I stay home and stay away from the toxicity? He sets up some pretty awkward situations, thinking I won't speak up in front of them (for fear of being the bad guy, plus women in his family do not speak up), and I am afraid he is right. I know I am not alone, I just need some suggestions. 
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Anonymous
| Huh? |
Anonymous
+1. Sorry OP, your post is incomprehensible. |
Anonymous
| Did you also post another post about a dad in a hallway? If so, please rewrite both posts so people know what the hell you are talking about |
Anonymous
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It's difficult without knowing specifics. The worst vacation I ever took was with a boyfriend and his entire family, including divorced parents and their new spouses. I couldn't escape because we were in a resort, nothing nearby, and we had no car of our own. Totally get the evil family dynamics.i broke up with my boyfriend soon after because it was so bad.
However, you don't have that option. Without knowing specifics, I'd just try to get as much alone time as possible. Beach, shopping, taking DCs on walk or to the playground, etc. |
Anonymous
| 13:00 again. The other thing is, you don't control anyone but you. You are a part of what you apparently hate because you don't speak up and it continues. Speak up this time. See what happens. |
Anonymous
| Why don't you and your DH (and kids?) just go on your own relaxing beach vacation? No need to go with extended family. |
Anonymous
Relax, you're at the beach, have fun. If they crowd you, go into the ocean, do a little body boarding. They can't hound you there  .
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Anonymous
Don't be nasty. You sound stupid. |
Anonymous
OP I understand what you are saying. The family dynamic does not easily translate into 1,2,3, because there are many layers and previous resentments built up. If your time is limited, perhaps you should pass on this vacation. I used to do all this "for the family" but when we started backing out, they shaped up. You cannot undo the many years of hidden conflict. BTDT. |
Anonymous
Do you understand what the OP is asking? If so, do translate. |
Anonymous
I will give it a shot! I really want to go on the "family" beach trip. She wants to go. I imagine they can't stand the thought, much like me No, actually she does not want to go. In other words, they are sneaky and stealth about their ways, but any third party would know there is [b]an intangible problem;[/b] They are sneaky and secretive, but their problems are not real. Besides drinking, is there any way to ensure that DH does not triangulate and act like the rotten person they bring out in him Drinking would ensure that DH would not triangulate? but she does not drink so she needs another anti-triangulation defense. |
Anonymous
Drugs? I jest. |
Anonymous
| Don't go |
Anonymous
| Just don't go. Do your own beach vacation with just you, your DH, and your kids. Or do your in laws pay for this trip and you cannot afford to go otherwise? |