Another beach nightmare
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Anonymous
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If you're anxious about sharing a house with them, maybe you could get a hotel room, that way you would have your own space but you would still be able to spend some time with them.
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Anonymous
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OP here. Sorry if it came across the wrong way.
Yes PPs, you get it. DH is a different person around his family! I suppose that is all one needs to know. We actually have access to other beach vacations (our own) each year, but this year our time is cut short. So this year, the ILs vacation would be about it. We are lucky to be able to afford our own vacations. Believe me, MIL is "thrifty" 
People do go to make her happy, but I just don't think it is worth it. I am trying to talk myself into it. |
Anonymous
| Op again. PP, our posts must have crossed. I love the hotel idea. Unfortunately, I know the ILs well enough to know they would make a huge stinking deal of it. |
Anonymous
| No brainer. Don't go. |
Anonymous
Having a good time shouldn't be that hard. Seriously, if you have to talk yourself into going to the BEACH, these family vacays just aren't your thing. The only thing that I can suggest is to try arriving mid week and only spend a few days with them. Leave and go somewhere else for the other days - they need not know where. Sometimes it's more a matter of too much time together, needing your own space than it is about not wanting to be around THEM. A few days might be fun, a week might be stressful, kwim? |
Anonymous
| Go somewhere else, not with them all. |
Anonymous
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OP here. I guess if they were more accepting, I would feel differently. They are the type to look for fault, and a week of that is a lot! I have no use for people who try to goad others. Its so tiresome, antagonistic, obvious and transparent.
I really do want to go, for DC. Maybe I will just send DH and DC. I don't want my presence to affect how they treat him (and me). But with so little vacation, I hate to be away from my own immediate family. It kind of sucks because otherwise, the ILs are rarely involved at all. Ever. I feel like I owe them nothing, and they just find fault. Its all so negative. They don't seem to be there to have fun, so what is the point? They are very different from my family, who seems a lot more alive. Which would be fine if DHs family wasn't so insular and negative. If I call them on it, it turns into this "what do you mean?" game they enjoy playing. Sigh. |
Anonymous
I would not allow these people to bully me out of spending my vacation time with MY family. That would be a horrible and confusing (us against HER) message to send to your DC. And talk about a wedge between you and dh. OP - that is how DIVORCED people do vacations. You and your dh are still quite married and if you want to stay married I think that you (as a family, not just YOU) have to avoid going on these divisive "vacations" with the in-laws. Maybe spend a few days with them and then go someplace else. |
Anonymous
| Why on earth is his family so hostile towards you OP? You rarely see these people, they aren't involved in your life that much...but it's almost like they are deliberately trying to create marital problems for you and your dh. Strange. |
Anonymous
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Don't go. The energy you expend posting here you could spend going online to find a last-minute deal on a beach stay for just your own family. Do it. Now.
Why on earth do you feel obliged to go at all when it's a disaster? You know it will be. Stop thinking anything could be any different. Stop LETTING your husband become that "other person" when he's with the family. Nip it in the bud by not going. Does your husband actually press for your family to do this masochistic "we MUST do the family vacation with everyone" dance? Stop. Stop. Stop. You say you want a beach vacation and are somehow willing to put up with all this crap just to have some beach time. That's one messed-up priority. Stop exposing yourself and your kids to toxic relatives or your kids will grow up thinking this is how normal families behave. Tell your husband you're done and if HE wants to have the hell vacation with his relatives and turn into that other person, he can go alone. Lots of "beach nightmare" posts all over DCUM this summer with one easy answer: Don't vacation with extended family, period. There is no moral obligation to do so! |
Anonymous
+1000 Well said. |
Anonymous
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Thank you for trying to talk sense into me, seriously. This is OP. DH insists on going, there is no changing his mind. They are bullies and will always be. Combine that with their self imposed "ranking" in the family, it's awful. They are very unhappy people. The least successful act out the most, as expected. And they wonder why they are not successful - it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure it out.
DH has given and given to his family. They are takers now and they will always be. We have friends with beach houses, and could certainly afford to rent our own in a place we actually like, so having a alternatives is not the question. Half of his family has moved away (across the country) because they know the other half is miserable. This is the only time DH gets to see the "good half" of the family. Like I mentioned, we have very little vacation time this year. Going out to see them one at a time is out of the question. I think DH is afraid his parents will die soon (they are 85). They get more and more miserable. [Then again, DH refused to take the time to have us fly to see my parents on what turned out to be (unknowingly) their last major holiday  ]
Yes, there are control issues in the family, to say the least. No, it won't end in divorce (I know that is the DCUM creed: "leave him!"). I just keep waiting for the end, when his parents are not around to cause this strife. We have nothing to gain but peace. And the end of these beach "vacations" from hell in a place we don't even like! One year, they planned an additional week without DH and (get this) part of the family would NOT have had vacation time without DH - as he employed them! (New management stepped in and told them to hit the curbside, apparently.) I can't go this time, because I can't let DC see how the family acts toward me (and how DH acts with his rotten family around). I think I will plan something for myself. |
Anonymous
But I agree - I'm not exactly sure what OP is talking about - what exactly do the in-laws do, and what exactly is DH right about? Im confused. I say if nothing else, you drink to deal with their sh1t. |
Anonymous
| Good luck OP. Just don't assume that this is all going to go away when the grandparents aren't in the picture anymore. I personally wouldn't send the kids...but your choice. |
Anonymous
| 12:24 - they are nosy, perhaps? |