Holding Baby
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Anonymous
| Baby coming soon. All MIL talks about is literally "holding the baby." I have lost count of how many times she has told me this in person, on telephone, and in emails. SIL said this is all she wanted to do with my young niece and that she won't want to give the baby up. I now remember this when my niece was born. She doesn't help with anything but instead orchestrates a way to camp out and hold. This is how she "helps." I totally get how sweet and magical a cuddle with a newborn is but this is obsessive. Truly, I have never heard anything like it from a grandmother. In an email string with her about coming to hospital when baby is born she told me yet again that she "plans on holding the baby as much as possible." This is weird, yes? If so, has anyone dealt with it and how? I hate to turn her away or crush her enthusiasm this is going to be awkward and frustrating. |
Anonymous
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What I like to do with people who are slightly crazy, is treat them like they're NOT crazy, and then act like they're crazy for saying or doing anything at all the slightest bit crazy.
Here are some phrases I want you to practice saying in the mirror at least three times a day: 1. Mom/Phyllis, everyone here is as excited as you are, so of COURSE they want a turn holding the baby too! Please pass Baby Larla to DH. 2. Mom/Phyllis, I'm the one who just gave birth, so if I want to bond with my newborn I get to - please hand me the baby now. Thanks! 3. DH and I are finished having visitors for the day now. Please give me back the baby; it was SO GOOD seeing you today; thanks for coming! |
Anonymous
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My MIL did this. She and my SIL came when DD was two months old. All MIL did was sit there and stare at me while I BFed and then hold the baby. She did nothng else. I was recovering from an emergency C section still and was cooking and cleaning around her. (Which, admittedly, was easier without having a baby in a sling...eyeroll...).
When I wanted the baby back, I would walk up to her, hold out my arms, and say, "It's time to give her back." |
Anonymous
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i'm sorry you have to deal with this. i think the most important thing for the mother and baby those first days, weeks and months is lots of mommy and baby cuddles! and the biggest way to help the mother is to take care of the other things so mom can take care of the baby. to each their own, but you never will get those precious early days back with your little one and if it were me i would be firm that mommy and baby cuddles are super important and primary.
when is she planning on coming? if you are planning on doing a lot of skin to skin time that kind of cancels out mil time. if you are planning on breastfeeding you can plan on it taking a long time to hold and feed the baby and honestly you can stay a little longer in your bedroom to soak in some extra time. depending on what she is like you could try saying something like "i need to go feed the baby/get some skin to skin time with the baby now, it would be great if you could do x to help us out?" although if she doesnt want to actually help and truly plans on being a lazy guest, that might offend rather than keep busy. i also think your dh should be the one to be firm with his mother. |
Anonymous
| Yikes I really feel for you. I was worried about the same thing and my MIL lives 5 minutes away so she could literally pop in whenever! Luckily, breastfeeding took a lot of time and when the baby wasn't BFing she was sleeping. So I don't feel I missed out on too much by my MIL holding her while she napped. Plus if baby was awake and not eating, she usually wanted me and would be fussy with anyone else. Thus would force MIL to give her back to me for the baby's own good. |
Anonymous
| Ftm? You will be glad someone wants to help hold the baby, trust me! |
Anonymous
Ugh! Your condescending attitude sucks. I only have one child who is almost two. I absoLUTELY was happy to just hold my baby, all the time. In my ideal world I would have held her all day and night, only giving her to DH (and nobody BUT DH) for diaper changes and when I wanted to shower. |
Anonymous
I agree with the PP. and am the mom of one 2 year old. In your ideal world -great. In the real world people either go to work or get things done. And a child can't suffer by having too many people who bond and love him or her. Mommy bonding is gonna happen. Let MIL bond too. You don't know what life brings. |
Anonymous
| I think it is normal grandmother behavior. She is excited. If she holds the baby too much, just say that it is time to feed the baby and disappear for a bit of time. |
Anonymous
Maybe when baby is 2 months old, but immediately after birth? Nope. I had a similar issue with my MIL. I usually love her, but every single time I came downstairs she was taking my newborn away from me. I was conflicted, because I obviously wanted them to start building their relationship, but I also wanted some major bonding time. So I did what a PP suggested. I breastfed every 2 hours on the dot and spent additional time after feeding upstairs holding my son. Saved my sanity. |
Anonymous
| DH ought to give MIL a private heads up that the baby will be with you or him most of the time...and, frankly, you will get all the feeding and crying, you should get some of those rare pleasant awake moments too. I remember feeling that I only ever held my baby while he was attached to my breast, which took a lot of time. |
Anonymous
| Pp here: DH should be clear that you get to offer her the baby, but she does not get to take the baby, if it becomes an issue. |
Anonymous
| You mom-nazis are crazy! I am a mom of two and I can't fathom how fanatical you all get! |
Anonymous
Fuck right off. Seriously. You break our the term "nazi" for the completely normal and healthy instinct for a mom to hold her newborn infant? Just fuck off. My son was in the NICU for 10'days during which I barely got to hold him an hour a day, 2 at best. Now that we're home, I have to let him go so I can pump every 2-3 hours. I'll let someone hold him so I can shower and pump, but aside from that, I want no one but DH and me holding him. It's best for him and best for me. Anyone who has a problem with that does not factor into my decisions. The more time mom and baby touc, the better tue bond, the more likely the milk will be abundant (mine is not). I don't begrudge any of my family moms (cousins, SILs) all the time in the world with their infants. I do dishes, cool, tidy, anything to free them up for more cuddle time. That's what anyone who is not a selfish douch would do for a new mom. |
Anonymous
This was a little bit of an over reaction. Geez. |