How do you handle passive aggressive in laws?
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Anonymous
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So, my mil will often make little comments to my husband about something I've done or said - just little things with some innuendo - and then he'll flip out at me - wondering how to handle this dynamic.
For instance - mil to babysit our 3 yr old tis weekend while we go to a wedding (8 hours total). DC has a fruit allergy - I chatted with mil today and when she asked if DC wanted anything special (she wanted to bring him a present or treat), I said, anything is fine, but definitely don't buy any cherries - dc is quite allergic. Conversation ended. Hung up. DH calls me 40 min later, furious "how could you be so rude to my mother? Why do you act like she doesn't know DC's allergies? Why do you always have to repeat it? Why don't you trust her?" I was flabbergasted. Called her right away - said, "oh my - I didn't mean to offend with the comment about cherries; I'm in the habit of telling everyone bc it's summer and they're everywhere." She acted like it was no big deal and she didn't care at all, but I'm irked. Obviously, it was enough of an "issue" that she called DH and put some negative spin on it. This happens a LOT. Is there a way to handle this behavior? |
Anonymous
| What does DH have to say? |
Anonymous
| DH says I offended his mother and why can't I be civil /trusting/giving? He hears her snark and believes that's how the message came from me OR he agrees that my message was un-snarky, but says he sees how it could be perceived snarkily. He always sees her side of the story. |
Anonymous
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Wow, all MILs seem to be alike....I hope I dont end up being the typical kind =/
Sorry to say, but there isn't really much you can do or say other then talk to your husband about it. |
Anonymous
| Maybe you are being more snarky than you realize |
Anonymous
| Op here - can we assume I'm not being snarky. I, in fact, said the very comment as its written above. So assuming I'm not snarky in every single convo with this woman, how do I deal? |
Anonymous
| you married a mamas boy, and you need to nip this in the bud now! it will only get worse |
Anonymous
| Shit, if she gonna spin like dat, give her somethin to complain about! Treat the heffa like da bitch she is. |
Anonymous
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Don't let yourself get sucked in to arguments with your husband aboüt this bc he is totally wrong. Say "I was not at all rude, your mother is behaving inappropriately, and you need to back me up when she criticizes me in front of you."
So sorry, op. |
Anonymous
lol love it! |
Anonymous
agreed |
Anonymous
| Is it just me, or is there anyone else who see the real problem as the husband? Why is he calling you with an outright accusation? That needs to be shut down immediately. I'd be furious if my spouse said what he said. If his mom called him with some concerns or complaints, then he needs to talk with his wife and ask her what happened. |
Anonymous
+1 Your husband needs to ask for your side of things and assume that you are behaving nicely. He sounds like he's siding with mom over you, which is not healthy for your marriage. |
Anonymous
Everybody Loves Raymond. 
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Anonymous
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He knows what his mother is like- he's in denial that his mother is a, well, not nice person. I'm married to one of these. When were dating this type of behavior caused a big blow up and I almost ended our relationship. I thought I was the crazy overly sensitive one for a long time because she was so damn good at it.
Out marriage probably would not survive if we lived in the same state as his mom. |