Belle Burden’s “Strangers”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I heard an interview with her today, never heard of book prior to this.
Weird- her experience and mine are the same! I actually had texts from friends saying “is this really you under pseudonym?”
My husband did this. Out of the blue. Wanted no custody, kids were younger than hers. More than a sandwich, he continued to come for meals and tuck-ins daily until he had guts to tell the kids.
Anyway, it’s not that uncommon. Sometimes people just flake out. Best to plan B.

Dinners multiple times a week at our house, and he would lurk around until bedtime so they thought he was home for the night. Meanwhile I was sending emails and texts pleading for a resolution or some honesty.

Mine tried to say the kids didn’t really need to know! Finally I told them and told him not to come back, and he threw a wild violent tantrum and his anger that I told them has never abated. It’s been a wild and scary divorce process.

“What did he think would happen?” is what I would call my book.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I see this differently than a lot of other commenters and don’t necessarily judge him leaving the kids.

I was married to someone with a personality disorder and one of his favorite threats was to threaten to take the kids from me. This was despite me being the primary caregiver.

Would it be better if she was forced to lose primary custody and not see her kids half the time? I believe a child needs both parents, but there is some nuance when one parent has been the primary parent all along.


While she comes from money, she was mostly illiquid, and he was working 24-7 to support that lifestyle. I am familiar with that NY finance lifestyle and you can’t have it both ways. If you want the country house, private school and nice apartment then your husband is mostly absent unless you have generational wealthy to use. It’s not surprising he was mostly absent. I highly doubt she ever offered to return to work so he could scale back and spend time with the kids. She instead probably wanted that Colony Club membership more. Then they get divorced and it makes sense she continued on as the primary and really only true parent.

IMHO the gentlemanly thing to do wasn’t for him to leave her AND take her kids half the time while he was at it. He probably thought he was choosing the lesser of two evils.

I’ve known plenty of these NY women and they are vapid, shallow and their main priority is the lifestyle and social life. I’d be shocked if she’s not similar.

this is the best comment in this thread and as a Native New yorker this is so true.

I think he was terrible/selfish/personality disordered for not wanting custody but I do agree that it seems her life essentially revolved around her children and the upper class lifestyle she enjoyed, without accounting for the fact that the type of husband to provide that lifestyle would have to be away from home so much and that that was a risky situation. I think he probably wanted to be away and at work regardless of whether she wanted to pitch in and have a career of her own but she sure seems like the type that didn't want to work and believed women should be SAHMs.

She grew up extremely privileged and had an excellent education so she's not a terrible writer, but is she smart? No.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Gwyneth will play Belle in the movie—perfect casting

When is the movie out??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I see this differently than a lot of other commenters and don’t necessarily judge him leaving the kids.

I was married to someone with a personality disorder and one of his favorite threats was to threaten to take the kids from me. This was despite me being the primary caregiver.

Would it be better if she was forced to lose primary custody and not see her kids half the time? I believe a child needs both parents, but there is some nuance when one parent has been the primary parent all along.


While she comes from money, she was mostly illiquid, and he was working 24-7 to support that lifestyle. I am familiar with that NY finance lifestyle and you can’t have it both ways. If you want the country house, private school and nice apartment then your husband is mostly absent unless you have generational wealthy to use. It’s not surprising he was mostly absent. I highly doubt she ever offered to return to work so he could scale back and spend time with the kids. She instead probably wanted that Colony Club membership more. Then they get divorced and it makes sense she continued on as the primary and really only true parent.

IMHO the gentlemanly thing to do wasn’t for him to leave her AND take her kids half the time while he was at it. He probably thought he was choosing the lesser of two evils.

I’ve known plenty of these NY women and they are vapid, shallow and their main priority is the lifestyle and social life. I’d be shocked if she’s not similar.

this is the best comment in this thread and as a Native New yorker this is so true.

Your average person can easily fall for her story. If you have any experience with her world then you can poke many holes in her story.

Also everyone on the internet claims the guy is a narcissist with a personality disorder. No way. Any man with a personality disorder/narcissist would be speaking out to the media and relishing in the drama. Instead he’s been quiet with the exception of one statement that said very little. That’s not how a narcissist responds to conflict.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I see this differently than a lot of other commenters and don’t necessarily judge him leaving the kids.

I was married to someone with a personality disorder and one of his favorite threats was to threaten to take the kids from me. This was despite me being the primary caregiver.

Would it be better if she was forced to lose primary custody and not see her kids half the time? I believe a child needs both parents, but there is some nuance when one parent has been the primary parent all along.


While she comes from money, she was mostly illiquid, and he was working 24-7 to support that lifestyle. I am familiar with that NY finance lifestyle and you can’t have it both ways. If you want the country house, private school and nice apartment then your husband is mostly absent unless you have generational wealthy to use. It’s not surprising he was mostly absent. I highly doubt she ever offered to return to work so he could scale back and spend time with the kids. She instead probably wanted that Colony Club membership more. Then they get divorced and it makes sense she continued on as the primary and really only true parent.

IMHO the gentlemanly thing to do wasn’t for him to leave her AND take her kids half the time while he was at it. He probably thought he was choosing the lesser of two evils.

I’ve known plenty of these NY women and they are vapid, shallow and their main priority is the lifestyle and social life. I’d be shocked if she’s not similar.

this is the best comment in this thread and as a Native New yorker this is so true.

I think he was terrible/selfish/personality disordered for not wanting custody but I do agree that it seems her life essentially revolved around her children and the upper class lifestyle she enjoyed, without accounting for the fact that the type of husband to provide that lifestyle would have to be away from home so much and that that was a risky situation. I think he probably wanted to be away and at work regardless of whether she wanted to pitch in and have a career of her own but she sure seems like the type that didn't want to work and believed women should be SAHMs.

She grew up extremely privileged and had an excellent education so she's not a terrible writer, but is she smart? No.

Please. When they were married she was more than happy for him to work 24-7 so that she could enjoy that colony club membership and wealthy NYC woman lifestyle. Why would the guy get divorced and then decide to become an active and involved parent? NY finance guys don’t do that.

If Henry is as terrible as everyone claims, he would have gone after her for the kids. That’s what a true narcissist would do despite never having been that involved with the kids up until the divorce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I heard an interview with her today, never heard of book prior to this.
Weird- her experience and mine are the same! I actually had texts from friends saying “is this really you under pseudonym?”
My husband did this. Out of the blue. Wanted no custody, kids were younger than hers. More than a sandwich, he continued to come for meals and tuck-ins daily until he had guts to tell the kids.
Anyway, it’s not that uncommon. Sometimes people just flake out. Best to plan B.

Dinners multiple times a week at our house, and he would lurk around until bedtime so they thought he was home for the night. Meanwhile I was sending emails and texts pleading for a resolution or some honesty.

Mine tried to say the kids didn’t really need to know! Finally I told them and told him not to come back, and he threw a wild violent tantrum and his anger that I told them has never abated. It’s been a wild and scary divorce process.

“What did he think would happen?” is what I would call my book.

Wow. This was while he was having an affair?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I heard an interview with her today, never heard of book prior to this.
Weird- her experience and mine are the same! I actually had texts from friends saying “is this really you under pseudonym?”
My husband did this. Out of the blue. Wanted no custody, kids were younger than hers. More than a sandwich, he continued to come for meals and tuck-ins daily until he had guts to tell the kids.
Anyway, it’s not that uncommon. Sometimes people just flake out. Best to plan B.

Dinners multiple times a week at our house, and he would lurk around until bedtime so they thought he was home for the night. Meanwhile I was sending emails and texts pleading for a resolution or some honesty.

Mine tried to say the kids didn’t really need to know! Finally I told them and told him not to come back, and he threw a wild violent tantrum and his anger that I told them has never abated. It’s been a wild and scary divorce process.

“What did he think would happen?” is what I would call my book.

This doesn’t sound like what happened to Belle. It’s strange that you think it does and might be a sign you are a narcissist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I see this differently than a lot of other commenters and don’t necessarily judge him leaving the kids.

I was married to someone with a personality disorder and one of his favorite threats was to threaten to take the kids from me. This was despite me being the primary caregiver.

Would it be better if she was forced to lose primary custody and not see her kids half the time? I believe a child needs both parents, but there is some nuance when one parent has been the primary parent all along.


While she comes from money, she was mostly illiquid, and he was working 24-7 to support that lifestyle. I am familiar with that NY finance lifestyle and you can’t have it both ways. If you want the country house, private school and nice apartment then your husband is mostly absent unless you have generational wealthy to use. It’s not surprising he was mostly absent. I highly doubt she ever offered to return to work so he could scale back and spend time with the kids. She instead probably wanted that Colony Club membership more. Then they get divorced and it makes sense she continued on as the primary and really only true parent.

IMHO the gentlemanly thing to do wasn’t for him to leave her AND take her kids half the time while he was at it. He probably thought he was choosing the lesser of two evils.

I’ve known plenty of these NY women and they are vapid, shallow and their main priority is the lifestyle and social life. I’d be shocked if she’s not similar.

this is the best comment in this thread and as a Native New yorker this is so true.

Your average person can easily fall for her story. If you have any experience with her world then you can poke many holes in her story.

Also everyone on the internet claims the guy is a narcissist with a personality disorder. No way. Any man with a personality disorder/narcissist would be speaking out to the media and relishing in the drama. Instead he’s been quiet with the exception of one statement that said very little. That’s not how a narcissist responds to conflict.

You’re very naive about narcissism and personality disorders.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I heard an interview with her today, never heard of book prior to this.
Weird- her experience and mine are the same! I actually had texts from friends saying “is this really you under pseudonym?”
My husband did this. Out of the blue. Wanted no custody, kids were younger than hers. More than a sandwich, he continued to come for meals and tuck-ins daily until he had guts to tell the kids.
Anyway, it’s not that uncommon. Sometimes people just flake out. Best to plan B.

Dinners multiple times a week at our house, and he would lurk around until bedtime so they thought he was home for the night. Meanwhile I was sending emails and texts pleading for a resolution or some honesty.

Mine tried to say the kids didn’t really need to know! Finally I told them and told him not to come back, and he threw a wild violent tantrum and his anger that I told them has never abated. It’s been a wild and scary divorce process.

“What did he think would happen?” is what I would call my book.

This doesn’t sound like what happened to Belle. It’s strange that you think it does and might be a sign you are a narcissist.

PP you’re replying to and I didn’t say it was like her- was responding to the other PP’s equally odd leaving-but-not-leaving story.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I see this differently than a lot of other commenters and don’t necessarily judge him leaving the kids.

I was married to someone with a personality disorder and one of his favorite threats was to threaten to take the kids from me. This was despite me being the primary caregiver.

Would it be better if she was forced to lose primary custody and not see her kids half the time? I believe a child needs both parents, but there is some nuance when one parent has been the primary parent all along.


While she comes from money, she was mostly illiquid, and he was working 24-7 to support that lifestyle. I am familiar with that NY finance lifestyle and you can’t have it both ways. If you want the country house, private school and nice apartment then your husband is mostly absent unless you have generational wealthy to use. It’s not surprising he was mostly absent. I highly doubt she ever offered to return to work so he could scale back and spend time with the kids. She instead probably wanted that Colony Club membership more. Then they get divorced and it makes sense she continued on as the primary and really only true parent.

IMHO the gentlemanly thing to do wasn’t for him to leave her AND take her kids half the time while he was at it. He probably thought he was choosing the lesser of two evils.

I’ve known plenty of these NY women and they are vapid, shallow and their main priority is the lifestyle and social life. I’d be shocked if she’s not similar.

this is the best comment in this thread and as a Native New yorker this is so true.

Your average person can easily fall for her story. If you have any experience with her world then you can poke many holes in her story.

Also everyone on the internet claims the guy is a narcissist with a personality disorder. No way. Any man with a personality disorder/narcissist would be speaking out to the media and relishing in the drama. Instead he’s been quiet with the exception of one statement that said very little. That’s not how a narcissist responds to conflict.

You’re very naive about narcissism and personality disorders.

Wouldn’t a narcissist go nuts in a divorce? It doesn’t seem common to to MIA and leave the ex-spouse alone. I thought they like conflict, no?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I heard an interview with her today, never heard of book prior to this.
Weird- her experience and mine are the same! I actually had texts from friends saying “is this really you under pseudonym?”
My husband did this. Out of the blue. Wanted no custody, kids were younger than hers. More than a sandwich, he continued to come for meals and tuck-ins daily until he had guts to tell the kids.
Anyway, it’s not that uncommon. Sometimes people just flake out. Best to plan B.

Dinners multiple times a week at our house, and he would lurk around until bedtime so they thought he was home for the night. Meanwhile I was sending emails and texts pleading for a resolution or some honesty.

Mine tried to say the kids didn’t really need to know! Finally I told them and told him not to come back, and he threw a wild violent tantrum and his anger that I told them has never abated. It’s been a wild and scary divorce process.

“What did he think would happen?” is what I would call my book.

Wow. This was while he was having an affair?

I’ve never found any evidence of an affair. My only explanation is that there was a call for accountability over a very specific and minor (maybe even stupid) situation and his response to it was divorce. But in some ways it’s not that different from an affair being discovered.

I’m learning that some people enter a marriage expecting the benefits of it while maintaining complete control and independence. It’s a brilliant form of resource-hoarding and not dissimilar to what Belle Burden’s ex did. Get money, time, the social status of children and a family, reap the benefits, and cash out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I heard an interview with her today, never heard of book prior to this.
Weird- her experience and mine are the same! I actually had texts from friends saying “is this really you under pseudonym?”
My husband did this. Out of the blue. Wanted no custody, kids were younger than hers. More than a sandwich, he continued to come for meals and tuck-ins daily until he had guts to tell the kids.
Anyway, it’s not that uncommon. Sometimes people just flake out. Best to plan B.

Dinners multiple times a week at our house, and he would lurk around until bedtime so they thought he was home for the night. Meanwhile I was sending emails and texts pleading for a resolution or some honesty.

Mine tried to say the kids didn’t really need to know! Finally I told them and told him not to come back, and he threw a wild violent tantrum and his anger that I told them has never abated. It’s been a wild and scary divorce process.

“What did he think would happen?” is what I would call my book.

This doesn’t sound like what happened to Belle. It’s strange that you think it does and might be a sign you are a narcissist.

PP you’re replying to and I didn’t say it was like her- was responding to the other PP’s equally odd leaving-but-not-leaving story.

Did you read the book? He absolutely left. There was no in between.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I see this differently than a lot of other commenters and don’t necessarily judge him leaving the kids.

I was married to someone with a personality disorder and one of his favorite threats was to threaten to take the kids from me. This was despite me being the primary caregiver.

Would it be better if she was forced to lose primary custody and not see her kids half the time? I believe a child needs both parents, but there is some nuance when one parent has been the primary parent all along.


While she comes from money, she was mostly illiquid, and he was working 24-7 to support that lifestyle. I am familiar with that NY finance lifestyle and you can’t have it both ways. If you want the country house, private school and nice apartment then your husband is mostly absent unless you have generational wealthy to use. It’s not surprising he was mostly absent. I highly doubt she ever offered to return to work so he could scale back and spend time with the kids. She instead probably wanted that Colony Club membership more. Then they get divorced and it makes sense she continued on as the primary and really only true parent.

IMHO the gentlemanly thing to do wasn’t for him to leave her AND take her kids half the time while he was at it. He probably thought he was choosing the lesser of two evils.

I’ve known plenty of these NY women and they are vapid, shallow and their main priority is the lifestyle and social life. I’d be shocked if she’s not similar.

this is the best comment in this thread and as a Native New yorker this is so true.

I think he was terrible/selfish/personality disordered for not wanting custody but I do agree that it seems her life essentially revolved around her children and the upper class lifestyle she enjoyed, without accounting for the fact that the type of husband to provide that lifestyle would have to be away from home so much and that that was a risky situation. I think he probably wanted to be away and at work regardless of whether she wanted to pitch in and have a career of her own but she sure seems like the type that didn't want to work and believed women should be SAHMs.

She grew up extremely privileged and had an excellent education so she's not a terrible writer, but is she smart? No.

Generally people that are into being mothers don’t ship their kids off to boarding school and let them quarantine with another family during covid. This lady is dull and helpless. And her writing sucks — I don’t know what kind of crap y’all read that you think this was a good book.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I see this differently than a lot of other commenters and don’t necessarily judge him leaving the kids.

I was married to someone with a personality disorder and one of his favorite threats was to threaten to take the kids from me. This was despite me being the primary caregiver.

Would it be better if she was forced to lose primary custody and not see her kids half the time? I believe a child needs both parents, but there is some nuance when one parent has been the primary parent all along.


While she comes from money, she was mostly illiquid, and he was working 24-7 to support that lifestyle. I am familiar with that NY finance lifestyle and you can’t have it both ways. If you want the country house, private school and nice apartment then your husband is mostly absent unless you have generational wealthy to use. It’s not surprising he was mostly absent. I highly doubt she ever offered to return to work so he could scale back and spend time with the kids. She instead probably wanted that Colony Club membership more. Then they get divorced and it makes sense she continued on as the primary and really only true parent.

IMHO the gentlemanly thing to do wasn’t for him to leave her AND take her kids half the time while he was at it. He probably thought he was choosing the lesser of two evils.

I’ve known plenty of these NY women and they are vapid, shallow and their main priority is the lifestyle and social life. I’d be shocked if she’s not similar.

this is the best comment in this thread and as a Native New yorker this is so true.

I think he was terrible/selfish/personality disordered for not wanting custody but I do agree that it seems her life essentially revolved around her children and the upper class lifestyle she enjoyed, without accounting for the fact that the type of husband to provide that lifestyle would have to be away from home so much and that that was a risky situation. I think he probably wanted to be away and at work regardless of whether she wanted to pitch in and have a career of her own but she sure seems like the type that didn't want to work and believed women should be SAHMs.

She grew up extremely privileged and had an excellent education so she's not a terrible writer, but is she smart? No.

Generally people that are into being mothers don’t ship their kids off to boarding school and let them quarantine with another family during covid. This lady is dull and helpless. And her writing sucks — I don’t know what kind of crap y’all read that you think this was a good book.

+10000. Can’t believe how many bought the story line of her being this amazing mom who was left high and dry.

She was hardly even spending time with her husband. She wasn’t sad she lost HIM, friendship, sex. She was upset she lost the status of marriage and it threatened her club memberships.

Don’t even get me started on how her dad spent all his money and was broke. She has similar spending habits and her ex tried to get control of it so she didn’t end up in the same position. Amazing how she’s spinning that one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I see this differently than a lot of other commenters and don’t necessarily judge him leaving the kids.

I was married to someone with a personality disorder and one of his favorite threats was to threaten to take the kids from me. This was despite me being the primary caregiver.

Would it be better if she was forced to lose primary custody and not see her kids half the time? I believe a child needs both parents, but there is some nuance when one parent has been the primary parent all along.


While she comes from money, she was mostly illiquid, and he was working 24-7 to support that lifestyle. I am familiar with that NY finance lifestyle and you can’t have it both ways. If you want the country house, private school and nice apartment then your husband is mostly absent unless you have generational wealthy to use. It’s not surprising he was mostly absent. I highly doubt she ever offered to return to work so he could scale back and spend time with the kids. She instead probably wanted that Colony Club membership more. Then they get divorced and it makes sense she continued on as the primary and really only true parent.

IMHO the gentlemanly thing to do wasn’t for him to leave her AND take her kids half the time while he was at it. He probably thought he was choosing the lesser of two evils.

I’ve known plenty of these NY women and they are vapid, shallow and their main priority is the lifestyle and social life. I’d be shocked if she’s not similar.

this is the best comment in this thread and as a Native New yorker this is so true.

I think he was terrible/selfish/personality disordered for not wanting custody but I do agree that it seems her life essentially revolved around her children and the upper class lifestyle she enjoyed, without accounting for the fact that the type of husband to provide that lifestyle would have to be away from home so much and that that was a risky situation. I think he probably wanted to be away and at work regardless of whether she wanted to pitch in and have a career of her own but she sure seems like the type that didn't want to work and believed women should be SAHMs.

She grew up extremely privileged and had an excellent education so she's not a terrible writer, but is she smart? No.

Generally people that are into being mothers don’t ship their kids off to boarding school and let them quarantine with another family during covid. This lady is dull and helpless. And her writing sucks — I don’t know what kind of crap y’all read that you think this was a good book.

Someone’s clearly clueless about wealthy families.