Please give me some perspective on this...long post warning (but interesting in a Seinfeld way)

[Anonymous]

I'm having kind of an unpleasant experience with a couple of individuals at my workplace. Some background to set the scene - I work in a setting that is predominantly Jewish - that means food has to be kosher, Jewish holidays are recognized, that Jewish values are recognized is underscored everywhere. It's fairly extreme - we can eat non-kosher food in our own offices but nowhere else in the workplace eg at meeting rooms. It is also in an Orthodox Jewish area of town. Most of the people who work here are Jewish - probably in part due to location (they live nearby) but also probably because of the respect for Jewish values etc here.

I'm one of the few Asians who work there. Don't get me wrong, I'm not anti-semitic - I was married to a Jewish man, and for whatever reason, Jewish men seem to gravitate towards Asian women, and Asians can be pretty neurotic so.... we all get along. So my son's dad is Jewish although my son technically is not Jewish (I offered to convert but he didn't care).

I worked on a project with two other colleagues (females, Jewish) and took the lead - I'm in academic research - I was able to squeeze out two manuscripts based on ideas I had put into the study, and included both of them on the paper. However, both became upset that I went ahead and wrote the papers without telling them I was going to. They even had a meeting with me about it - that I wasn't being collaborative etc. We weren't able to see eye to eye - I felt that it was perfectly fine for me to write a paper based on on a research idea that came from me, and I acknowledged their contribution with authorship. I didn't feel I had to "wait" until they caught up with me and got a paper out at the same time. Since then, they've been passive-aggressive - the worst was that we were scheduled to do a talk together at a conference, and although I tried to arrange multiple times to meet before the meeting to go over the talk, I kept getting the run around. The two of them reviewed the talk - they arranged to be on the same flight, etc. The talk was a flop. It's several months later and they're continuing to do and say things in a passive-aggressive way and it's driving me nuts! As a concrete example, one of the colleagues volunteered to have one of her students help out with a study that I was leading and which she was also involved in, but when I asked about it, she mentioned that the student will be working on another study, and did I need a volunteer for my study? I'm pretty level-headed - as long as things are working out, I don't really care if people are obnoxious. But passive-aggressiveness drives me up the wall!

This is also more drama than I need in my worklife. I get that they're still angry, maybe they were resentful, jealous, whatever, and maybe when it comes down to it - they're just being racist. So I'm putting this question out to Jewish DCUMers - are these female colleagues going to hold a grudge forever? What it would take for them to start being collegial? Aren't they a little embarassed that they're engaging in this high-school behavior? Don't they see that they might be a little ....petty? Are Jewish women just competitive? I know about the domineering Jewish mother stereotype - is this more of the same?

Yes I know, just don't work with them anymore. I don't need to - they need my involvement more than I need their because of my training. I don't plan to be involved in any more collaborations with them, and am fostering others. As I said, I don't mind working with people who are personally annoying - I am even ok working with people I don't like as long as they can help get the job done - but this kind of behavior is sabotaging the actual work - so the working relationship is affected. It's just unpleasant. And I guess it brings out the feelings of being an outsider - and an obvious one - I'm not even white - in this predominantly Jewish setting. No, the undercurrent doesn't bother me enough to leave and I can tolerate the bad food in the cafeteria, the matzo ball soup, the horrible bread during Passover, the Mazel Tov's, happy purim etc, but this is feeling a little personal. Jewish DCUMers - how long will they hold a grudge? Is there any hope for insight into their petty behavior?
Thank goodness I missed the bullet of having a Jewish MIL!!!

[Anonymous]

Umm I don't see this as a race thing at all. Frankly you sound dreadful to work with

[Anonymous]

Where is the interesting part? Is this the paper you wrote?

[Anonymous]

I don't see this as a jewish thing - you could have this same issue in a nonjewish workplace

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Where is the interesting part? Is this the paper you wrote?

It's only interesting because it's so freaking neurotic. As in a Seinfeld episode.
Yes, the paper was interesting too.

Just focus on the question please! Is their passive-aggressive behavior going to stop?

[Anonymous]

I had a job where the minority were the majority and they treated others as outsiders and excluded them. I don't know if it was conscious though. They just seemed comfortable with people of their race.

[Anonymous]

This post is offensive, especially the end. So sorry you are subjected to "bad bread" at Passover time.

[Anonymous]

I'm Jewish. Your co-workers passive-aggressive antics have nothing at all to do with being Jewish. I am very straight-forward. I would have confronted them on the passive-aggressive shit when it first started. Your coworkers are just assholes - it has nothing to do with their religion or culture, and nothing to do with the fact that you're of a different religion and culture.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm Jewish. Your co-workers passive-aggressive antics have nothing at all to do with being Jewish. I am very straight-forward. I would have confronted them on the passive-aggressive shit when it first started. Your coworkers are just assholes - it has nothing to do with their religion or culture, and nothing to do with the fact that you're of a different religion and culture.

+1. Do they behave that way towards other co-workers they feel have somehow wronged them?

[Anonymous]

Op you sound like the racist one. You are also not a team player and seem to have a superiority complex. I don't think they are holding a grudge, i just think they don't like you

[Anonymous]

I agree with the Seinfeld part. This is a story about nothing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op you sound like the racist one. You are also not a team player and seem to have a superiority complex. I don't think they are holding a grudge, i just think they don't like you

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree with the Seinfeld part. This is a story about nothing.

Unless OP's name is Donna Chang.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree with the Seinfeld part. This is a story about nothing.

Unless OP's name is Donna Chang.

[Anonymous]

I don't get why you blasted ahead and cranked out two papers that they wanted to be involved in without telling them. You sound like a competitive gunner, and non-collaborative. Why didn't you mention it to them at the beginning of the process?