Please give me some perspective on this...long post warning (but interesting in a Seinfeld way)

[Anonymous]

Ha ha, did you pull an all-nighter so you could show up at the next meeting with everything all done?

[Anonymous]

OK, admittedly I am not an academic. Is it the norm to put someone down as an author on a paper when s/he has no input or say in what is written in the paper? I know that it's important to publish so maybe you figured you were doing them a favor, but I would be pretty upset if I was published as an author on something that I never even reviewed. I agree with a PP, you don't seem like a team player, OP.

[Anonymous]

I can see why they are upset - having their names on something means they signed off and agree with the content. Yet, they have not even see it. I don't think it has to do anything with them being Jewish. I can see how working in an unfamiliar but very homogenic/cultural environment would be uncomfortable for me too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm having kind of an unpleasant experience with a couple of individuals at my workplace. Some background to set the scene - I work in a setting that is predominantly Jewish - that means food has to be kosher, Jewish holidays are recognized, that Jewish values are recognized is underscored everywhere. It's fairly extreme - we can eat non-kosher food in our own offices but nowhere else in the workplace eg at meeting rooms. It is also in an Orthodox Jewish area of town. Most of the people who work here are Jewish - probably in part due to location (they live nearby) but also probably because of the respect for Jewish values etc here.

I'm one of the few Asians who work there. Don't get me wrong, I'm not anti-semitic - I was married to a Jewish man, and for whatever reason, Jewish men seem to gravitate towards Asian women, and Asians can be pretty neurotic so.... we all get along. So my son's dad is Jewish although my son technically is not Jewish (I offered to convert but he didn't care).

I worked on a project with two other colleagues (females, Jewish) and took the lead - I'm in academic research - I was able to squeeze out two manuscripts based on ideas I had put into the study, and included both of them on the paper. However, both became upset that I went ahead and wrote the papers without telling them I was going to. They even had a meeting with me about it - that I wasn't being collaborative etc. We weren't able to see eye to eye - I felt that it was perfectly fine for me to write a paper based on on a research idea that came from me, and I acknowledged their contribution with authorship. I didn't feel I had to "wait" until they caught up with me and got a paper out at the same time. Since then, they've been passive-aggressive - the worst was that we were scheduled to do a talk together at a conference, and although I tried to arrange multiple times to meet before the meeting to go over the talk, I kept getting the run around. The two of them reviewed the talk - they arranged to be on the same flight, etc. The talk was a flop. It's several months later and they're continuing to do and say things in a passive-aggressive way and it's driving me nuts! As a concrete example, one of the colleagues volunteered to have one of her students help out with a study that I was leading and which she was also involved in, but when I asked about it, she mentioned that the student will be working on another study, and did I need a volunteer for my study? I'm pretty level-headed - as long as things are working out, I don't really care if people are obnoxious. But passive-aggressiveness drives me up the wall!

This is also more drama than I need in my worklife. I get that they're still angry, maybe they were resentful, jealous, whatever, and maybe when it comes down to it - they're just being racist. So I'm putting this question out to Jewish DCUMers - are these female colleagues going to hold a grudge forever? What it would take for them to start being collegial? Aren't they a little embarassed that they're engaging in this high-school behavior? Don't they see that they might be a little ....petty? Are Jewish women just competitive? I know about the domineering Jewish mother stereotype - is this more of the same?

Yes I know, just don't work with them anymore. I don't need to - they need my involvement more than I need their because of my training. I don't plan to be involved in any more collaborations with them, and am fostering others. As I said, I don't mind working with people who are personally annoying - I am even ok working with people I don't like as long as they can help get the job done - but this kind of behavior is sabotaging the actual work - so the working relationship is affected. It's just unpleasant. And I guess it brings out the feelings of being an outsider - and an obvious one - I'm not even white - in this predominantly Jewish setting. No, the undercurrent doesn't bother me enough to leave and I can tolerate the bad food in the cafeteria, the matzo ball soup, the horrible bread during Passover, the Mazel Tov's, happy purim etc, but this is feeling a little personal. Jewish DCUMers - how long will they hold a grudge? Is there any hope for insight into their petty behavior?
Thank goodness I missed the bullet of having a Jewish MIL!!!

Regardless of their race and ethnicity, academics are competitive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can see why they are upset - having their names on something means they signed off and agree with the content. Yet, they have not even see it. I don't think it has to do anything with them being Jewish. I can see how working in an unfamiliar but very homogenic/cultural environment would be uncomfortable for me too.

Ok I see I was unclear. Of course they reviewed the papers. It wasn't news that I had analyzed the data because I had already submitted an abstract, which they also reviewed. There were no issues until it was paper #2. Other person was also working on paper but taking longer, I was also involved on that. Anyway, the next step after the abstract is...writing the paper. No I don't think I have a superiority complex. I probably lack tact and am too blunt. The two colleagues have had no formal research training and had not ever published any data previously. I have - so I don't think I'm better than them - I know that I am! I mean I know objectively that I spent 5 years of my life in formal research training and I have published previously.

Anyway, I have worked it out. It's a petty nothing situation and it was upsetting only because it was a situation that made me feel the way I did as a kid with a neglectful verbally abusive mother. No, it isn't her fault either. It's me being overly sensitive about being treated in an unpleasant way (their behavior is obviously inappropriate and unprofessional, there's no getting around that), and I keep thinking if we just talk it out, we can be friends. But the truth is - my mother will never be the mother I wished for and I have to deal. So - I'm not going to try to understand and fix what is going on with these 2. Honestly from an academic point of view, I feel I have been fair. Other people in research would be happy to be included, they could care less about who got published first, as long as the # papers they have is increasing. I just haven't played the game of doing what women should be doing - making sure the personal relationship isn't negatively impacted - while trying to be productive and get ahead.

Am I racist? The bread IS bad during Passover! Even my Jewish colleagues agree - it's always the joke during Passover. And I am in touch with my son's paternal grandmother - she lives in Israel but I have arranged to have her spend time with her grandson when she visits her son (my ex). I might even travel to Israel one day with my son - she has invited us but probably better when he is older. That last line was just a joke - sheesh! (ok, she can be annoying at times but I deal with it).

Thanks everyone for helpful and snarky comments.

[Anonymous]

I think your post is horribly offensive- I understand that it can be uncomfortable to be the minority in an office setting that has a strong culture that you are not a part of, but that is really a completely separate issue from your working relationship with these two women. Your focus on them being Jewish and how maybe that is what made them competitive, as well as your snark about their customs and your insistence that you are not racist make you seem pretty racist to me.

[Anonymous]

OP, you sound like a peach. An arrogant, racist peach.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you sound like a peach. An arrogant, racist peach.

This. You sound insufferable

[Anonymous]

I don't think OP sounds racist.

[Anonymous]

Not racist since Jews are an ethnicity not a race. However I am totally unclear on why it was necessary to mention that the issue is with Jewish co- workers. What you have is a problem with two co-workers, why would people of their same ethnicity (Jewish) have any idea on how long they will hold a Grudge against you? Do you think the Torah has a special rule on how long one can hold a grudge? And even if it did, do you actually think most Jews would know?

In short your question is offensive and extremely long- winded, filled with unnecessary detail. If the paper you wrote was like that... Maybe that is part of the conflict.

[Anonymous]

Passive-aggressive people never stop being passive-aggressive. They don't view themselves as having a problem! They don't like confrontation. Just ignore them. Passive-aggressive isn't a Jewish trait, it is in every walk of life.

And you know what they say about academics: The battles are so big because the stakes are so low!!

Ah, so glad I don't work with any of you!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not racist since Jews are an ethnicity not a race. However I am totally unclear on why it was necessary to mention that the issue is with Jewish co- workers. What you have is a problem with two co-workers, why would people of their same ethnicity (Jewish) have any idea on how long they will hold a Grudge against you? Do you think the Torah has a special rule on how long one can hold a grudge? And even if it did, do you actually think most Jews would know?

In short your question is offensive and extremely long- winded, filled with unnecessary detail. If the paper you wrote was like that... Maybe that is part of the conflict.

I think it's two months for the first offense and five months to indefinitely for a subsequent offense. Offensive is defined vaguely, with almost any transgression, real or imagined, qualifying.

[Anonymous]

So, you wrote something, put someone else's name on it without consultation and you think the problem is that your coauthors are Jewish?

The problem is you broke most rules of coauthoring and acted in a way that would certainly discourage me from ever working with you.

[Anonymous]

I don't think OP was *that* offensive but I am confused about why she thought Jewish posters in particular would have some special insight about these ladies. It's not like they're part of a Jewish mind-meld or something.

[Anonymous]

OP, I like you. How old are you?