If you were an overweight child/teen, what was helpful?

[Anonymous]

There are so many bad stories online of mistakes parents made (mostly nasty comments) when parenting the overweight child/teen. I would love to hear from adults who were overweight as kids/teens: What, if anything, was helpful?

[Anonymous]

Oh God, wish I knew. Was an overweight child and teen and have one DD who definitely has inherited my body type. And she, like me, has a super thin older sis who eats twice as much as she and doesn't gain a pound.

I feel like my parents tried everything. They didn't keep a lot of crap in the house, encouraged me to exercise, my mom did WW with me for a while but nothing helped. I never had (and still don't) a fully-functioning full-o-meter. I have never been a huge eater of junk but have always eaten too much too fast. My stomach just doesn't get the signals to the brain on time. So I really have to try hard to practice portion control, and it's not easy.

I didn't lose weight until I got to college. I'm one of the rare birds who actually lost weight their freshman year. It was probably b/c I didn't eat much in the dining halls and almost never snacked. Also went to a college full of athletic people so I was motivated to work out a lot.

I still struggle with my weight at age 40. Am not obese, but could lose 20-15 pounds. Again, not a poor eater, just eat too damn much!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There are so many bad stories online of mistakes parents made (mostly nasty comments) when parenting the overweight child/teen. I would love to hear from adults who were overweight as kids/teens: What, if anything, was helpful?

I don't have any advice. I developed an eating disorder and am still struggling with it 10 years later (started at 17). I will say though, my parents were encouraging and provided support for me. They were never critical. Sometimes it is mistakes that have nothing to do with parents. I think the best advice I can give you through other people I've met struggling with EDs is DON'T nag your kid. Don't constantly remind them about their weight, and don't offer incentives to lose the weight. One of the girls I met through a support group had parents who would give her money for every pound lost. That backfired after awhile.

Offer support and help them find healthier ways to eat or work out. Change the family diet without making it obvious you are changing it because of the child. Encourage some activities that you can do as a family. Don't make food a reward or a punishment and don't make it the focus of celebrations.

[Anonymous]

My mom kept giving excuses she's just XXX years old. My parents were very laissez faire. I didn't lose weight until we moved to the outer burbs of FFX county where it was a mile to the bus stop, no shops for over 5 miles and we became house poor and stopped eating out 4-5 times a week. Parents need to set the example and include their kids.

[Anonymous]

I was chubby from about 3rd grade through 6th grade. My mom didn't say a word to me about it, which I learned later in life was deliberate. Believe me, your child knows he/she is chubby, and there is very little that you can say that will make the situation better. My mom says that she knew I was a sensitive child and that there was a good chance that anything she said would backfire.

Despite what hysterical news media would have us believe, not all chubby kids become overweight adults. The summer before 6th grade I discovered a sport that I love to this day and the weight came right off.

[Anonymous]

I think I started gaining weight around 2nd grade, and was pretty big in high school. Senior year I lost a lot of weight in fear of going to college fat.

My dad was NOT helpful. He would call me "his fat kid" and would question why I was eating certain things. When I did lose weight he would say crap like "wow, you're finally beautiful" Nice compliment. I think we can all agree that's not the right approach.

My mom always loved me for who I was and how I looked and never pressured me into anything. Her unconditional love did help. She tried a lot--she bought a stairmaster when we couldn't afford it (I hated it). We would take long walks on the weekends, but she never pushed me into sports or being more active on a regular basis, and I often wonder if that would have helped? I was a book worm and a TV addict, so I was pretty sedentary, though I did love to swim.

I think you need to love your kid no matter what, have mostly healthy food in the house and not say "well, Johnny is having ice cream, but you should have some low cal yogurt"--if it's a treat, everyone should get the treat just not all the time. Do active things as a family--hiking, bike rides, etc. and just let them know how much you will love them no matter what they look like.

[Anonymous]

This is a great question OP, and I find it really interesting that so far no one has come up with a good answer for you.

[Anonymous]

I was a fat child. By 6th grade I remember shopping at Ann Taylor with my mom and buying a 10P (I was short). I remember the day I came home from a pizza party and had 5 slices of pizza and told my mom and she got really upset. Not angry but did not know why I had eaten so much, I was complaining my stomach hurt so thats how she knew. I was not fed poorly by my parents but I over ate and ate alot.

My parents were VERY supportive but also realistic about my body. I was miserbale and got teased. My mom finally suggested I see a personal trainor and I did. It was awesome and made a huge difference. They helped me exercise and eat right and I started dropping weight. I needed to drive and structure and when I had it I lost weight was skinny and very happy.

I think you need to be supportive but also somewhat tough at the same time. Its hard for a kid to want to make a real change, or for me it was because I was depressed and just wanted to sulk. My mom made it a positive situtation by taking me to a couple places and finding me the right fit with a trainor and then I got into it.

Goodluck! Its hard being fat as a kid but when you start seeing results you gain your confidence back.

[Anonymous]

OP here: thank you all for sharing. I really appreciate it.

[Anonymous]

I don't think I was hugely overweight but there must have been a few years before 4th grade. I remember my mom buying the plus size clothes in the early grades - some were called "husky" - can't forget that. My dad fed us so much junk food - it still scares me to this day.

On the positive, My parents did put in a swimming pool somewhere around 8/9 and I spent hours - all day in the pool - all summer And each year I became more and more active - physcial activity and other school activities. I was not an athlete on sports team, but I learned what physical activities I really enjoyed and do to this day

Note: I am not someone who is naturally thin - I still have to work at diet. But working at 5-15 lbs is less daunting

[Anonymous]

I was slightly overweight from late elementary school through most of high school but always had a pretty healthy self-image and am much more fit now than I was as a kid.

My parents set a healthy model for me and did not focus on my weight. We ate healthy at home (thank goodness, or I think I would have weighed much more!) and I remember my mom encouraging me to join her for walks and pushing me to play a sport in high school. In retrospect, she might have been pushing those things to help me stay a healthy weight, but at the time, I just thought she wanted company and thought it was important that anyone (regardless of weight) be active. Later in high school, when I chose to join weight watchers and a gym, it was very much my own doing -- even though they could have easily covered the costs, they made me pay for at least some of them, which I think helped me take ownership for my own choices and health. They encouraged me with complements, but I never had the sense that their opinion of my self-worth was in any way tied to my weight.

I remember my dad commenting on how pretty I looked often - I believed those compliments were sincere and took them to heart. I also distinctly remember my mom telling me around age 10, when I was struggling with recent weight gain and a close-in-age sister who was tiny and adorable, that she (my mom) had to shop in the 'big girls' department as a kid. In retrospect, I think that might have been a lie, but at the time it made me feel better about myself and that being a bit overweight as a preteen did not predetermine that I would be overweight as an adult.

I grew up into an athletic adult with a healthy self-image (I'll never be super skinny, but am a healthy weight) so I guess those things worked

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was chubby from about 3rd grade through 6th grade. My mom didn't say a word to me about it, which I learned later in life was deliberate. Believe me, your child knows he/she is chubby, and there is very little that you can say that will make the situation better. My mom says that she knew I was a sensitive child and that there was a good chance that anything she said would backfire.

Despite what hysterical news media would have us believe, not all chubby kids become overweight adults. The summer before 6th grade I discovered a sport that I love to this day and the weight came right off.

Which sport was this?

[Anonymous]

My family kept a lot of junk in the house. My few years younger sister could eat all the crud and stay thin. I was not so fortunate.

Finally, when I was 15 I started trying to lose weight on my own. Running helped me so much. I also started to keep a food journal so I could track my calories. It really helped curb in between meals snacking.

If my Mom got mad at me she would sometimes attack me for my weight. That was so hurtful. I think she is much wiser now and regrets those comments.

[Anonymous]

I was overweight as a child. Didn't lose it til I moved away from home to a place where I had to walk everywhere, including the grocery store. One of my issues was I lived in a house with voracious teenage brothers. Whenever there was something I wanted to eat in the house I learned to scoff it quick and often, because if I waited it would disappear (leftovers, boxed cereal, snacks etc).

Gained it all back once I had kids, though

[Anonymous]

The only thing that was helpful for me - as a kid and today - was regular exercise. And by that I mean 5-7 days a week of cardio. I was a chubby (not fat) kid, then was thin in jr. high and high school after I joined the soccer and track teams. When I dropped the teams, I got fat again. I struggled with figuring this out for about 20 years - only now feel like I have made daily exercise part of my life.

My family was very supportive and never made comments about my weight. My mom cooked and ate healthily, but I would snack at home after school when I wasn't doing sports.