Typical SAHM with school aged kids day

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think there's a long way to go. I started my career at 25. 20-years later not a single woman left to stay home. The number one reason for that is the unbelievabl flexibility combined with pay. Part-time, telework, sabbaticals, etc. Many women scaled way back when kids were small and through the school years--but many are now the leaders in the 10 years before they retire. This is in a STEM area too. 65% of the workers in my area are women.

Instead of bashing each other--women should be pushing for more of this.

I agree, and I also agree with the PP who said that women leaving the working world when they have kids makes this reality more difficult for all of us. That in a nutshell is why it makes more sense for WOHMs to resent SAHMs than vice versa. You working doesn't affect me. You staying home? If it affects my company's maternity leave (why be generous? they quit anyway!) or the salary the average women gets paid (they're not as valuable as men anyway!) then it affects more than your family.

Actually, after two highly valued women left my place of work, the company finally saw the light and changed just about everything WRT how they treat women and parents. They even started a program of re-enty for women who wanted longer than normal leaves of absence (like years). Sometime it takes calling their bluff.

Totally agree. Similar situation at my previous firm. Many highly qualified and sought-after women were voluntarily leaving to care for their children, so new leave programs were put into place. It's still not perfect, but far better than it once was, when women were afraid to take time off to SAH because they knew their firm held all the cards. If women start standing up for what is right and taking the time they deserve in order to care for their children, companies will sit up and take notice. If, on the other hand, women like the PPs are towing the company line and never taking time off to SAH, then companies will expect this to remain the status quo and continue to take advantage.

While I agree that family and parental leave policies leave a great deal to be desired in this country, I'm not about to sit around waiting for them to change at my kids' expense. Those of you who want to do so, knock yourselves out. In the meantime, I'll be taking care of my own kids until I'm ready to return to work.

Huh? I WAH 100%; had 6 months maternity leave and only worked 20 hours from home until my kids hit elementary school. I am now back up to full-time from home. I'm not sure how that is viewed as 'towing the line' unless you are referring to somebody else.

I am advocating for this flexibility (where applicable) for all women. My older sister got her office to let her and another mother 'job share' so they could both go part-time something their company wouldn't let anyone do prior. Her kids are in college now and she's back full-time ready hit retirement.

My company let me take an entire year off. You don't get what you don't ask for.

I agree that you don't get what you don't ask for; but many of us WANT to leave work in order to SAH full-time. We're not asking for anything. As for you, you keep popping up with your WAH status, as if that's what we're talking about. It's not. Obviously, we're talking about women who refuse to consider anything but WOH full-time, even if they might like to take time off to SAH. These are the women who are toeing the line, and the companies that count on them sticking around are the ones with the horrible leave policies.

The vast majority of the women you are talking about are doing it out of necessity. There is no middle class anymore. It's not 'toeing the line', 'it's survival'. They don't have a voice and can't make a stand because they need to take care of their kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nothing fires up a DC working mother like a SAHM! I live in Calif and in all my years of living here...as a working woman and a SAHM...I've never heard anyone argue about this.

People are very educated and career-oriented in DC. It was very, very rare to find a working mom when I was in Phoenix or SoCal. In fact, friends that moved out there complain about the 'scene' out there. It's been incredibly depressing for them after leaving this area. The conversations and socialization is very dull.

Bless your heart. Trying to get a dig in any way you can. Luckily, the SAHMs around here are all very well-educated, so conversations are never dull.

They may be "well-educated", but SAHM with school-aged kids are dull indeed.

[Anonymous]

Being dull has nothing to do with whether you work for pay. I know just as many boring working parents as I do boring stay-at-home parents. Anyone who draws lines such as "WOHM are like this" or "SAHM are like that" is a judgmental fool.

Don't you people have friends in real life who live in different situations and make different choices? I even have some - gasp! - single and/or childless friends! It takes all kinds.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think there's a long way to go. I started my career at 25. 20-years later not a single woman left to stay home. The number one reason for that is the unbelievabl flexibility combined with pay. Part-time, telework, sabbaticals, etc. Many women scaled way back when kids were small and through the school years--but many are now the leaders in the 10 years before they retire. This is in a STEM area too. 65% of the workers in my area are women.

Instead of bashing each other--women should be pushing for more of this.

I agree, and I also agree with the PP who said that women leaving the working world when they have kids makes this reality more difficult for all of us. That in a nutshell is why it makes more sense for WOHMs to resent SAHMs than vice versa. You working doesn't affect me. You staying home? If it affects my company's maternity leave (why be generous? they quit anyway!) or the salary the average women gets paid (they're not as valuable as men anyway!) then it affects more than your family.

Actually, after two highly valued women left my place of work, the company finally saw the light and changed just about everything WRT how they treat women and parents. They even started a program of re-enty for women who wanted longer than normal leaves of absence (like years). Sometime it takes calling their bluff.

Totally agree. Similar situation at my previous firm. Many highly qualified and sought-after women were voluntarily leaving to care for their children, so new leave programs were put into place. It's still not perfect, but far better than it once was, when women were afraid to take time off to SAH because they knew their firm held all the cards. If women start standing up for what is right and taking the time they deserve in order to care for their children, companies will sit up and take notice. If, on the other hand, women like the PPs are towing the company line and never taking time off to SAH, then companies will expect this to remain the status quo and continue to take advantage.

While I agree that family and parental leave policies leave a great deal to be desired in this country, I'm not about to sit around waiting for them to change at my kids' expense. Those of you who want to do so, knock yourselves out. In the meantime, I'll be taking care of my own kids until I'm ready to return to work.

Huh? I WAH 100%; had 6 months maternity leave and only worked 20 hours from home until my kids hit elementary school. I am now back up to full-time from home. I'm not sure how that is viewed as 'towing the line' unless you are referring to somebody else.

I am advocating for this flexibility (where applicable) for all women. My older sister got her office to let her and another mother 'job share' so they could both go part-time something their company wouldn't let anyone do prior. Her kids are in college now and she's back full-time ready hit retirement.

My company let me take an entire year off. You don't get what you don't ask for.

I agree that you don't get what you don't ask for; but [b]many of us WANT to leave work in order to SAH full-time. We're not asking for anything. [b]As for you, you keep popping up with your WAH status, as if that's what we're talking about. It's not. Obviously, we're talking about women who refuse to consider anything but WOH full-time, even if they might like to take time off to SAH. These are the women who are toeing the line, and the companies that count on them sticking around are the ones with the horrible leave policies.

I get it you don't want to work. Period. The kids are a great excuse for those that want to retire at 30. I have a hard time with the SAHs when nobody is in the house all day. It baffles me why they don't go back even part-time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think there's a long way to go. I started my career at 25. 20-years later not a single woman left to stay home. The number one reason for that is the unbelievabl flexibility combined with pay. Part-time, telework, sabbaticals, etc. Many women scaled way back when kids were small and through the school years--but many are now the leaders in the 10 years before they retire. This is in a STEM area too. 65% of the workers in my area are women.

Instead of bashing each other--women should be pushing for more of this.

I agree, and I also agree with the PP who said that women leaving the working world when they have kids makes this reality more difficult for all of us. That in a nutshell is why it makes more sense for WOHMs to resent SAHMs than vice versa. You working doesn't affect me. You staying home? If it affects my company's maternity leave (why be generous? they quit anyway!) or the salary the average women gets paid (they're not as valuable as men anyway!) then it affects more than your family.

Actually, after two highly valued women left my place of work, the company finally saw the light and changed just about everything WRT how they treat women and parents. They even started a program of re-enty for women who wanted longer than normal leaves of absence (like years). Sometime it takes calling their bluff.

Totally agree. Similar situation at my previous firm. Many highly qualified and sought-after women were voluntarily leaving to care for their children, so new leave programs were put into place. It's still not perfect, but far better than it once was, when women were afraid to take time off to SAH because they knew their firm held all the cards. If women start standing up for what is right and taking the time they deserve in order to care for their children, companies will sit up and take notice. If, on the other hand, women like the PPs are towing the company line and never taking time off to SAH, then companies will expect this to remain the status quo and continue to take advantage.

While I agree that family and parental leave policies leave a great deal to be desired in this country, I'm not about to sit around waiting for them to change at my kids' expense. Those of you who want to do so, knock yourselves out. In the meantime, I'll be taking care of my own kids until I'm ready to return to work.

Huh? I WAH 100%; had 6 months maternity leave and only worked 20 hours from home until my kids hit elementary school. I am now back up to full-time from home. I'm not sure how that is viewed as 'towing the line' unless you are referring to somebody else.

I am advocating for this flexibility (where applicable) for all women. My older sister got her office to let her and another mother 'job share' so they could both go part-time something their company wouldn't let anyone do prior. Her kids are in college now and she's back full-time ready hit retirement.

My company let me take an entire year off. You don't get what you don't ask for.

I agree that you don't get what you don't ask for; but [b]many of us WANT to leave work in order to SAH full-time. We're not asking for anything. [b]As for you, you keep popping up with your WAH status, as if that's what we're talking about. It's not. Obviously, we're talking about women who refuse to consider anything but WOH full-time, even if they might like to take time off to SAH. These are the women who are toeing the line, and the companies that count on them sticking around are the ones with the horrible leave policies.

I get it you don't want to work. Period. The kids are a great excuse for those that want to retire at 30. I have a hard time with the SAHs when nobody is in the house all day. It baffles me why they don't go back even part-time.

I know one that pops out a kid anytime the husband brings up her going back to work.

[Anonymous]

I really don't have a "hard time" with anyone else. I don't even give a shit if people want to rotate on and off of welfare, because frankly, that life sounds awful. I don't care if people have trust funds and never work at all. I don't care if people want to be strippers. I don't care if people are greedy CEO's. I don't care if people WOH or SAH. I just really really care about trying to be happy and be a good person. If that's going okay, and my kids and husband are happy, and my needs are met, I'm good.

So why do you actually sit around stewing or having a "hard time" when I spend my days volunteering and taking care of my family if I am wealthy and don't feel the need to take a job from someone who actually needs it? Do you even realize how SILLY that sounds? It's just ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think there's a long way to go. I started my career at 25. 20-years later not a single woman left to stay home. The number one reason for that is the unbelievabl flexibility combined with pay. Part-time, telework, sabbaticals, etc. Many women scaled way back when kids were small and through the school years--but many are now the leaders in the 10 years before they retire. This is in a STEM area too. 65% of the workers in my area are women.

Instead of bashing each other--women should be pushing for more of this.

I agree, and I also agree with the PP who said that women leaving the working world when they have kids makes this reality more difficult for all of us. That in a nutshell is why it makes more sense for WOHMs to resent SAHMs than vice versa. You working doesn't affect me. You staying home? If it affects my company's maternity leave (why be generous? they quit anyway!) or the salary the average women gets paid (they're not as valuable as men anyway!) then it affects more than your family.

Actually, after two highly valued women left my place of work, the company finally saw the light and changed just about everything WRT how they treat women and parents. They even started a program of re-enty for women who wanted longer than normal leaves of absence (like years). Sometime it takes calling their bluff.

Totally agree. Similar situation at my previous firm. Many highly qualified and sought-after women were voluntarily leaving to care for their children, so new leave programs were put into place. It's still not perfect, but far better than it once was, when women were afraid to take time off to SAH because they knew their firm held all the cards. If women start standing up for what is right and taking the time they deserve in order to care for their children, companies will sit up and take notice. If, on the other hand, women like the PPs are towing the company line and never taking time off to SAH, then companies will expect this to remain the status quo and continue to take advantage.

While I agree that family and parental leave policies leave a great deal to be desired in this country, I'm not about to sit around waiting for them to change at my kids' expense. Those of you who want to do so, knock yourselves out. In the meantime, I'll be taking care of my own kids until I'm ready to return to work.

Huh? I WAH 100%; had 6 months maternity leave and only worked 20 hours from home until my kids hit elementary school. I am now back up to full-time from home. I'm not sure how that is viewed as 'towing the line' unless you are referring to somebody else.

I am advocating for this flexibility (where applicable) for all women. My older sister got her office to let her and another mother 'job share' so they could both go part-time something their company wouldn't let anyone do prior. Her kids are in college now and she's back full-time ready hit retirement.

My company let me take an entire year off. You don't get what you don't ask for.

I agree that you don't get what you don't ask for; but [b]many of us WANT to leave work in order to SAH full-time. We're not asking for anything. [b]As for you, you keep popping up with your WAH status, as if that's what we're talking about. It's not. Obviously, we're talking about women who refuse to consider anything but WOH full-time, even if they might like to take time off to SAH. These are the women who are toeing the line, and the companies that count on them sticking around are the ones with the horrible leave policies.

I get it you don't want to work. Period. The kids are a great excuse for those that want to retire at 30. I have a hard time with the SAHs when nobody is in the house all day. It baffles me why they don't go back even part-time.

Retiring at 30...that leaves about 50-60 years of macrame and shuffle board.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh. My. God. This thread is so embarrassing for WOHM. I finally clicked on it to see why it has so many pages and of course, it's because of the mommy wars! Working moms, don't we have better ways to spend our free time than arguing in the mommy war? Who cares how SAHM spends their day???

End of argument: if your kids are in school 6.5 hours per day, do not pretend your life is so difficult, you are akin to a doctor curing cancer, etc. Women in the 60s/70s fought to be allowed in the workplace. Neanderthal men used to not want their wives to work. Now we live in an age where women an pretty much do anything. If that choice is keeping a clean house, napping and doing yoga--it's their choice. I do find two types of SAH--the ones who have husbands with pumped out chests that think keeping a woman at home reflects positively in him. They need the power. They also tend to be the type that don't really value their wives as life moves on (cheat at the office, etc). The second type of guy with a SAH married above himself and she calls the shots and announced she is no longer working. This SAH usually is very well educated and had a formidable career. This poor schlub DH is hen-pecked to a ball-breaker and had the look in his face line he's been castrated. The latter SAH has usually let herself go. The former is working her ass off, botoxing, clothes shopping, etc. because she's hanging on for dear life since she never had a career.

End of Argument: No SAHM is arguing that their life is so difficult. They are saying that their lives and their kids and DHs life is much easier because they SAHM.

Neanderthal WOHM women (both in attitude and looks), do not know the concept of CHOICE that the SAHMs have. They think they are feminists, but they are not.

I find two kinds of WOHM women - Angry ones who are resentful because their DHs do not make enough for them to SAHM. Usually, they neglect their DHs sexually because they do not want to have sex with their own husbands. They are also looking for Alpha married men at the office to have an affair with in the hopes to either get them to divorce their wives and marry them, or in the hopes of keeping their jobs because they are so dumb. They are usually married to guys with massive SHORTCOMINGS!

Women who are terrible moms or have no kids. These are married to self obsessed jerks too. They have tons of fights about every single aspect of their lives. These are the kind of women, who like to sleep around with their coworkers during conventions or trips.

The WOMHS are either obsessed with their looks or have let themselves go. Their homes are messy and dirty and their kids are rude. Most WOHMs who make more their husbands, give them hell, and their husbands are henpecked emasculated men. These men have married above their station and they have to continue to be under their command because they know that their meal ticket can leave them. They turn a blind-eye to their wives office affairs. Most of the men whose wives WOHM, also try and sleep with the nanny, au pair and the maids. These are desperate men and women, and lack morals. They continue to be angry about the success of SAHM households.

There are many WOHM that hate their work, are paid less, have bad work environments = and they still hang on to their jobs because they know that if they don't bring the money home, their husbands will dump their sorry ass.

How the hell do those WOHM's find the energy to have an affair? I'm a WOHM and I don't even have the time or energy for my own husband, much less someone else's.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh. My. God. This thread is so embarrassing for WOHM. I finally clicked on it to see why it has so many pages and of course, it's because of the mommy wars! Working moms, don't we have better ways to spend our free time than arguing in the mommy war? Who cares how SAHM spends their day???

End of argument: if your kids are in school 6.5 hours per day, do not pretend your life is so difficult, you are akin to a doctor curing cancer, etc. Women in the 60s/70s fought to be allowed in the workplace. Neanderthal men used to not want their wives to work. Now we live in an age where women an pretty much do anything. If that choice is keeping a clean house, napping and doing yoga--it's their choice. I do find two types of SAH--the ones who have husbands with pumped out chests that think keeping a woman at home reflects positively in him. They need the power. They also tend to be the type that don't really value their wives as life moves on (cheat at the office, etc). The second type of guy with a SAH married above himself and she calls the shots and announced she is no longer working. This SAH usually is very well educated and had a formidable career. This poor schlub DH is hen-pecked to a ball-breaker and had the look in his face line he's been castrated. The latter SAH has usually let herself go. The former is working her ass off, botoxing, clothes shopping, etc. because she's hanging on for dear life since she never had a career.

End of Argument: No SAHM is arguing that their life is so difficult. They are saying that their lives and their kids and DHs life is much easier because they SAHM.

Neanderthal WOHM women (both in attitude and looks), do not know the concept of CHOICE that the SAHMs have. They think they are feminists, but they are not.

I find two kinds of WOHM women - Angry ones who are resentful because their DHs do not make enough for them to SAHM. Usually, they neglect their DHs sexually because they do not want to have sex with their own husbands. They are also looking for Alpha married men at the office to have an affair with in the hopes to either get them to divorce their wives and marry them, or in the hopes of keeping their jobs because they are so dumb. They are usually married to guys with massive SHORTCOMINGS!

Women who are terrible moms or have no kids. These are married to self obsessed jerks too. They have tons of fights about every single aspect of their lives. These are the kind of women, who like to sleep around with their coworkers during conventions or trips.

The WOMHS are either obsessed with their looks or have let themselves go. Their homes are messy and dirty and their kids are rude. Most WOHMs who make more their husbands, give them hell, and their husbands are henpecked emasculated men. These men have married above their station and they have to continue to be under their command because they know that their meal ticket can leave them. They turn a blind-eye to their wives office affairs. Most of the men whose wives WOHM, also try and sleep with the nanny, au pair and the maids. These are desperate men and women, and lack morals. They continue to be angry about the success of SAHM households.

There are many WOHM that hate their work, are paid less, have bad work environments = and they still hang on to their jobs because they know that if they don't bring the money home, their husbands will dump their sorry ass.

How the hell do those WOHM's find the energy to have an affair? I'm a WOHM and I don't even have the time or energy for my own husband, much less someone else's.

See and I thought it was the SAHMs on Ashley Madison while DH was at work and kids were in school. Learn something new everyday.

[Anonymous]

Macrame and shuffle board at 30? SAHM's on Ashley Madison because we are so bored? WOH moms all have affairs?

You aren't even witty or funny in your desire to rip one another apart. I hope you are embarrassed when you take a step back and consider that there actual people in this conversation. Way to support other women- and I'm saying that to both "sides"- you make me embarrassed to be a woman.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think there's a long way to go. I started my career at 25. 20-years later not a single woman left to stay home. The number one reason for that is the unbelievabl flexibility combined with pay. Part-time, telework, sabbaticals, etc. Many women scaled way back when kids were small and through the school years--but many are now the leaders in the 10 years before they retire. This is in a STEM area too. 65% of the workers in my area are women.

Instead of bashing each other--women should be pushing for more of this.

I agree, and I also agree with the PP who said that women leaving the working world when they have kids makes this reality more difficult for all of us. That in a nutshell is why it makes more sense for WOHMs to resent SAHMs than vice versa. You working doesn't affect me. You staying home? If it affects my company's maternity leave (why be generous? they quit anyway!) or the salary the average women gets paid (they're not as valuable as men anyway!) then it affects more than your family.

Actually, after two highly valued women left my place of work, the company finally saw the light and changed just about everything WRT how they treat women and parents. They even started a program of re-enty for women who wanted longer than normal leaves of absence (like years). Sometime it takes calling their bluff.

That's great, but you can't really think that most women who quit their jobs do it to help further the experience of women at their company.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I really don't have a "hard time" with anyone else. I don't even give a shit if people want to rotate on and off of welfare, because frankly, that life sounds awful. I don't care if people have trust funds and never work at all. I don't care if people want to be strippers. I don't care if people are greedy CEO's. I don't care if people WOH or SAH. I just really really care about trying to be happy and be a good person. If that's going okay, and my kids and husband are happy, and my needs are met, I'm good.

So why do you actually sit around stewing or having a "hard time" when I spend my days volunteering and taking care of my family if I am wealthy and don't feel the need to take a job from someone who actually needs it? Do you even realize how SILLY that sounds? It's just ridiculous.

Cool story, bro.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Being dull has nothing to do with whether you work for pay. I know just as many boring working parents as I do boring stay-at-home parents. Anyone who draws lines such as "WOHM are like this" or "SAHM are like that" is a judgmental fool.

Don't you people have friends in real life who live in different situations and make different choices? I even have some - gasp! - single and/or childless friends! It takes all kinds.

IDK. If you have money and brains and don't need to take care of your kids all day because they are in school, but all you can come up with to fill your time is shopping, exercising, grooming, eating, and tidying--you just can't be a very interesting person. There are so many amazing women out there -- some who work for pay, some who don't -- who do so many amazing things. Most of what people have described on this thread is astonishingly limited for a bunch of people who don't seem to have physical, intellectual, or financial limitations on their potential.

[Anonymous]

I'm so confused about why people have issues with other people's choices. Am I harming you or your children because I don't work out of the home? My DH does not make a lot by DC standards. We live in a small place and rent out our basement. We make sacrifices because I cannot work due to a chronic disease.

And yet the judgment and assumptions abound. How sad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Being dull has nothing to do with whether you work for pay. I know just as many boring working parents as I do boring stay-at-home parents. Anyone who draws lines such as "WOHM are like this" or "SAHM are like that" is a judgmental fool.

Don't you people have friends in real life who live in different situations and make different choices? I even have some - gasp! - single and/or childless friends! It takes all kinds.

IDK. If you have money and brains and don't need to take care of your kids all day because they are in school, but all you can come up with to fill your time is shopping, exercising, grooming, eating, and tidying--you just can't be a very interesting person. There are so many amazing women out there -- some who work for pay, some who don't -- who do so many amazing things. Most of what people have described on this thread is astonishingly limited for a bunch of people who don't seem to have physical, intellectual, or financial limitations on their potential.

Well said. I would off myself if I were in my 30s and still had 2/3s of my life left doing nothing. No wonder so many are in anti-depressants.