Moms of sons - do you guide your son to be respectful of girls?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:seriously: this could happen to your son. Its all well and good to talk to him about respect, but if you cared about him as a mom you would alert him to this too.

Judith Grossman: A Mother, a Feminist, Aghast
Unsubstantiated accusations against my son by a former girlfriend landed him before a nightmarish college tribunal.

http://www.wsj.com/articles/SB10001424127887324600704578405280211043510

This is clearly one side of the story. I wonder what really happened. Perhaps the boy was not treating her well - but wouldn't pass up an opportunity to stick his penis in her. Perhaps he tried to break up with her and was an a$$hole about it.

But whatever the reason, it teaches boys to be respectful to girls they are getting sex from, because girls ultimately have the power.

Yes, I'm sure it was all his fault. Because, come on! He's a guy. Does it ever occur to you that sometimes, the women are actually at fault? Or is that an impossibility in your skewed world view?

Even if he was not treating her well or he tried to break up with her, that is not w criminal act of rape. People both men and women treat each other badly in relationships some ones. Just as girls don't deserve revenge porn guys don't deserve revenge rape accusations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:seriously: this could happen to your son. Its all well and good to talk to him about respect, but if you cared about him as a mom you would alert him to this too.

Judith Grossman: A Mother, a Feminist, Aghast
Unsubstantiated accusations against my son by a former girlfriend landed him before a nightmarish college tribunal.

http://www.wsj.com/articles/SB10001424127887324600704578405280211043510

This is clearly one side of the story. I wonder what really happened. Perhaps the boy was not treating her well - but wouldn't pass up an opportunity to stick his penis in her. Perhaps he tried to break up with her and was an a$$hole about it.

But whatever the reason, it teaches boys to be respectful to girls they are getting sex from, because girls ultimately have the power.

Yes, I'm sure it was all his fault. Because, come on! He's a guy. Does it ever occur to you that sometimes, the women are actually at fault? Or is that an impossibility in your skewed world view?

Even if he was not treating her well or he tried to break up with her, that is not w criminal act of rape. People both men and women treat each other badly in relationships some ones. Just as girls don't deserve revenge porn guys don't deserve revenge rape accusations.

It is only hurting real rape victims when women think it is okay to accuse a man of rape for "not being nice".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

It is only hurting real rape victims when women think it is okay to accuse a man of rape for "not being nice".

Pease stop with the "real rape" stuff. There is no such thing as "fake rape", and nobody is defending deliberately-false accusations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Sounds like you/your teenage son needs to be taught to get to know a girl a little more before he bangs her in order to figure out if she lies about how old she is and they have sex.

You've got to be kidding.. What fairy tale land do you live in?

It's fairy-tale to expect a college-aged person to get to know a potential sex partner enough to know whether or not the potential sex partner is college-aged or high-school-aged, before they have sex? Why?

Because there is a hook up culture in college perpetuated by both women and men and fueled by the free love revolution. You can turn it back.. They days of gender segregated dorms and your dad holding a shot gun if you had sex with a young man and women being shunned if they weren't virgins

Posters in here are censorious about men's sexual desires, talking about young men thinking bout sex. They sound like Victorian dowagers tut tutting. That is fine if you want to curb sex, you have a lot more in common with the Catholic Church than you imagine. This is all what it comes down to, portraying there majority of men and everything they do as evil monsters. Not understanding a small minority of people will always be inclined to evil and to avoid that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Because there is a hook up culture in college perpetuated by both women and men and fueled by the free love revolution. You can turn it back.. They days of gender segregated dorms and your dad holding a shot gun if you had sex with a young man and women being shunned if they weren't virgins

Posters in here are censorious about men's sexual desires, talking about young men thinking bout sex. They sound like Victorian dowagers tut tutting. That is fine if you want to curb sex, you have a lot more in common with the Catholic Church than you imagine. This is all what it comes down to, portraying there majority of men and everything they do as evil monsters. Not understanding a small minority of people will always be inclined to evil and to avoid that.

This discussion is not about curbing sex. It is about curbing rape. Have all the sex you want to have, as long as your partner is consenting.

[Anonymous]

Boys learn who to act toward girls based on how their parents interact. If mom is basically a servant and Dad dominates decisions, then boys learn that girls are second class citizens and meant only to serve their needs. If boys see a marriage of equals, then they will learn to be respectful of women.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Sounds like you/your teenage son needs to be taught to get to know a girl a little more before he bangs her in order to figure out if she lies about how old she is and they have sex.

You've got to be kidding.. What fairy tale land do you live in?

It's fairy-tale to expect a college-aged person to get to know a potential sex partner enough to know whether or not the potential sex partner is college-aged or high-school-aged, before they have sex? Why?

My God, you're naive. Good luck with your pie-in-the-sky expectations for how college students behave - and that goes for guys AND girls.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Because there is a hook up culture in college perpetuated by both women and men and fueled by the free love revolution. You can turn it back.. They days of gender segregated dorms and your dad holding a shot gun if you had sex with a young man and women being shunned if they weren't virgins

Posters in here are censorious about men's sexual desires, talking about young men thinking bout sex. They sound like Victorian dowagers tut tutting. That is fine if you want to curb sex, you have a lot more in common with the Catholic Church than you imagine. This is all what it comes down to, portraying there majority of men and everything they do as evil monsters. Not understanding a small minority of people will always be inclined to evil and to avoid that.

This discussion is not about curbing sex. It is about curbing rape. Have all the sex you want to have, as long as your partner is consenting. [/quote

It is relevant here due to rape culture fanatics like you expanding the scope of all sexual conduct to be rape, insisting that men are innately rape fiends and that there is a rape culture on campus. If men are so evil and capable of rape at every turn, especially fraternities, and then your insistence on criminalizing every act, you are acting to curb sex and return to the days where young people are sanctioned and watch carefully.

It is clear that the discussion shows that consent no matter how enthusiastic can be covered up as long as the person has a change of mind even months later. If we care about gender equality we also care about our young men not being accused wrongly in this witch hunt culture.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Because there is a hook up culture in college perpetuated by both women and men and fueled by the free love revolution. You can turn it back.. They days of gender segregated dorms and your dad holding a shot gun if you had sex with a young man and women being shunned if they weren't virgins

Posters in here are censorious about men's sexual desires, talking about young men thinking bout sex. They sound like Victorian dowagers tut tutting. That is fine if you want to curb sex, you have a lot more in common with the Catholic Church than you imagine. This is all what it comes down to, portraying there majority of men and everything they do as evil monsters. Not understanding a small minority of people will always be inclined to evil and to avoid that.

This discussion is not about curbing sex. It is about curbing rape. Have all the sex you want to have, as long as your partner is consenting.

That is not true. This is about sex. Men in college are having consenting sex, then are brought before boards for sexual misconduct because they either break-up or did not have any intention of being monogamous. Also they are getting labeled as rapists when they are found guilty of sexual misconduct even when the police decide there was no criminal act.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

It is only hurting real rape victims when women think it is okay to accuse a man of rape for "not being nice".

Pease stop with the "real rape" stuff. There is no such thing as "fake rape", and nobody is defending deliberately-false accusations.

Really? Because it certainly seems like it. No one is defending the type of man who rapes, but luckily sane people know that this is a very small subset of all men. However, some of you are actually refusing to admit there is also a subset of women/girls who think nothing of falsely accusing a boy or man of rape.

And the person(s) who keeps referring to a guy wanting to "stick it in her"? You have some very odd fixation and clearly, serious issues with men. What's that all about?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Because there is a hook up culture in college perpetuated by both women and men and fueled by the free love revolution. You can turn it back.. They days of gender segregated dorms and your dad holding a shot gun if you had sex with a young man and women being shunned if they weren't virgins

Posters in here are censorious about men's sexual desires, talking about young men thinking bout sex. They sound like Victorian dowagers tut tutting. That is fine if you want to curb sex, you have a lot more in common with the Catholic Church than you imagine. This is all what it comes down to, portraying there majority of men and everything they do as evil monsters. Not understanding a small minority of people will always be inclined to evil and to avoid that.

This discussion is not about curbing sex. It is about curbing rape. Have all the sex you want to have, as long as your partner is consenting. [/quote

It is relevant here due to rape culture fanatics like you expanding the scope of all sexual conduct to be rape, insisting that men are innately rape fiends and that there is a rape culture on campus. If men are so evil and capable of rape at every turn, especially fraternities, and then your insistence on criminalizing every act, you are acting to curb sex and return to the days where young people are sanctioned and watch carefully.

It is clear that the discussion shows that consent no matter how enthusiastic can be covered up as long as the person has a change of mind even months later. If we care about gender equality we also care about our young men not being accused wrongly in this witch hunt culture.

+1000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Because there is a hook up culture in college perpetuated by both women and men and fueled by the free love revolution. You can turn it back.. They days of gender segregated dorms and your dad holding a shot gun if you had sex with a young man and women being shunned if they weren't virgins

Posters in here are censorious about men's sexual desires, talking about young men thinking bout sex. They sound like Victorian dowagers tut tutting. That is fine if you want to curb sex, you have a lot more in common with the Catholic Church than you imagine. This is all what it comes down to, portraying there majority of men and everything they do as evil monsters. Not understanding a small minority of people will always be inclined to evil and to avoid that.

This discussion is not about curbing sex. It is about curbing rape. Have all the sex you want to have, as long as your partner is consenting.

That is not true. This is about sex. Men in college are having consenting sex, then are brought before boards for sexual misconduct because they either break-up or did not have any intention of being monogamous. Also they are getting labeled as rapists when they are found guilty of sexual misconduct even when the police decide there was no criminal act.

If there is a dispute about whether or not there was consent, then it's actually not about sex, it's about rape.

Alternatively, if you would like to talk about college disciplinary boards vs. the police and the courts, please start your own thread about this in the college forum.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Because there is a hook up culture in college perpetuated by both women and men and fueled by the free love revolution. You can turn it back.. They days of gender segregated dorms and your dad holding a shot gun if you had sex with a young man and women being shunned if they weren't virgins

Posters in here are censorious about men's sexual desires, talking about young men thinking bout sex. They sound like Victorian dowagers tut tutting. That is fine if you want to curb sex, you have a lot more in common with the Catholic Church than you imagine. This is all what it comes down to, portraying there majority of men and everything they do as evil monsters. Not understanding a small minority of people will always be inclined to evil and to avoid that.

This discussion is not about curbing sex. It is about curbing rape. Have all the sex you want to have, as long as your partner is consenting.

That is not true. This is about sex. Men in college are having consenting sex, then are brought before boards for sexual misconduct because they either break-up or did not have any intention of being monogamous. Also they are getting labeled as rapists when they are found guilty of sexual misconduct even when the police decide there was no criminal act.

If there is a dispute about whether or not there was consent, then it's actually not about sex, it's about rape.

Alternatively, if you would like to talk about college disciplinary boards vs. the police and the courts, please start your own thread about this in the college forum.

And the whole discussion is that for all the discussion on clear consent, consent actually is not that clear. And there are people that consent and yet lie about it. And it happens, believe it or not. Just like revenge porn there are revenge rape accusations. So give me a break.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Alternatively, if you would like to talk about college disciplinary boards vs. the police and the courts, please start your own thread about this in the college forum.

And the whole discussion is that for all the discussion on clear consent, consent actually is not that clear. And there are people that consent and yet lie about it. And it happens, believe it or not. Just like revenge porn there are revenge rape accusations. So give me a break.

Yes, people lie about consent. People lie about everything else, too. "People lie" is not an objection specific to consent.

Similarly, there are misunderstandings about consent (although the reality is that the great majority of rape cases are not at all the result of a misunderstanding). There are misunderstandings about every other human interaction, too. "There are misunderstandings" is also not an objection specific to consent.

Meanwhile, here's a useful message we should start educating young people about: if consent is not clear, stop.

[Anonymous]

yeah but everything is now conflated. For all your harping on consent, you still can't define what consent is really and that people consent and then say they don't consent. Thats the reason for all those high profile fake rape cases that are now breaking down.

Laura Kipnis puts it well:

In the meantime, Ezra Klein is praising Laura Kipnis — who was targeted not for her outré feminism or for the quality of her work, but because she wrote against “sexual paranoia”; noted that, on campus, “gropers become rapists and accusers become survivors, opening the door for another panicky conflation: teacher-student sex and incest”; and warned that “the myths and fantasies about power perpetuated in these new codes are leaving our students disabled when it comes to the ordinary interpersonal tangles and erotic confusions that pretty much everyone has to deal with at some point in life.”

http://www.nationalreview.com/article/419271/tide-turning-against-pc-charles-c-w-cooke