If women could go back in time

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I work full time, make >$500k, and see my children grow up and do tons of things together.

It’s how I manage my time and the systems we have set up.

I make $400k now (empty nester) and was making closer to $200k when my kids were younger. I've always been highly engaged with my kids. I watched them grow up while I was working. Turns out I can do two things at once LOL

I'm SO glad I stayed in the workforce. A man is NOT the plan and I say this as someone who is still happily married. I've seen so many women stay in unhappy relationships because they had no money or job experience. No thank you. Was it exhausting to work FT while raising kids? Yes, a lot of the time it was but my husband was also exhausted. It's called parenting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Would they still fight for workforce accessibility/equality or accept that stay at home mom is better than working a full time job and not seeing their kids grow up? Did it provide the happiness it promised?

Saw this question being asked and I know what I would choose

You realize that when a woman stays home her partner has to work longer hours to support her lifestyle, right? By your own logic, partners to a SAHM don't see their children grow up either and yet I never see anyone asking similar questions to men as if their time with children doesn't seem to be equally important.

I also think you've got a rosy view of the past. Even though most women stayed home they didn't live like wealthy housewives do today because most of them were married or average earning men who had to work very long hours while the wife did manual unpaid labor at home and did not have much quality time for her children. I'd be a working woman today a d share childcare with my husband.

I think you misunderstand. My husband would have the demanding job/long hours either way. He wouldn’t become a GS15 if I was working. So given those facts, it makes sense for one of us not to work.

A GS-15 is not a demanding job. Sorry. My ex H was a G-15. I worked the entire time. My job was harder than his. Get a clue.

Reading comp fail. I know GS 15 is a joke job. I was saying my Big Law husband wouldn’t switch to a fed job if I were working. My partner isn’t working more to “support my lifestyle” as a SAHM. If I weren’t a SAHM, he would still work in Big Law.

Yes, those NIH and NASA scientists are all in “joke jobs”.

[Anonymous]

But what did that teach children’s about women’s capabilities? And how many women stayed with abusive or philandering men because they were entirely dependent on them?

Why is your question only posed to women? Do modern nen like having the option of being more involved in raising their children? Do children like spending time with both parents?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:But what did that teach children’s about women’s capabilities? And how many women stayed with abusive or philandering men because they were entirely dependent on them?

Why is your question only posed to women? Do modern nen like having the option of being more involved in raising their children? Do children like spending time with both parents?

Sadly a woman of any SES or working status is trapped if married to an abusive or philandering selfish husband once they have a kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I work full time, make >$500k, and see my children grow up and do tons of things together.

It’s how I manage my time and the systems we have set up.

I make $400k now (empty nester) and was making closer to $200k when my kids were younger. I've always been highly engaged with my kids. I watched them grow up while I was working. Turns out I can do two things at once LOL

I'm SO glad I stayed in the workforce. A man is NOT the plan and I say this as someone who is still happily married. I've seen so many women stay in unhappy relationships because they had no money or job experience. No thank you. Was it exhausting to work FT while raising kids? Yes, a lot of the time it was but my husband was also exhausted. It's called parenting.

WTH? Everything else you said is fine, whatever, but parenting doesn’t have to be exhausting. Lots of people don’t have this weird American instinct to take pride in being busy and exhausted all the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Would they still fight for workforce accessibility/equality or accept that stay at home mom is better than working a full time job and not seeing their kids grow up? Did it provide the happiness it promised?

Saw this question being asked and I know what I would choose

You realize that when a woman stays home her partner has to work longer hours to support her lifestyle, right? By your own logic, partners to a SAHM don't see their children grow up either and yet I never see anyone asking similar questions to men as if their time with children doesn't seem to be equally important.

I also think you've got a rosy view of the past. Even though most women stayed home they didn't live like wealthy housewives do today because most of them were married or average earning men who had to work very long hours while the wife did manual unpaid labor at home and did not have much quality time for her children. I'd be a working woman today a d share childcare with my husband.

DP but the bolded is not a factual statement.

It's still a relevant statement. If a woman who works doesn't see her children, neither does a man who works, so why questions like this are only directed to women?

Men are not working different/longer hours whether their wives stay at home with the kids or not. It's a stupid argument. Men get to spend exactly the amount of hour with their kids that they want to. They have choices that women do not.

If a woman is earning a good income, then the husband has more of a choice to take a job with more flexibility that may have lower pay. Of course he may not choose to do that, but with the wife working it’s more of an option.

Ideally they’d talk and discuss and decide as a team.

I know I’ve asked my spouse to take a less crazy job - which also isn’t good for his poor communication and executive functioning skills- and then be home more and more involved. He has not.

The point is that it is possible to support a family on ONE full time (i.e. 40 hours per week) income, and many families do it this way despite what all the UMC strivers of the DMV can grok, so the question of whether or not dad works MORE is disingenuous. The couple is not going from 2 full time jobs to 1.5 full time jobs, they’re going from 2 full time jobs to 1. Dad (and we’ll stick with dad since that’s the norm and this thread is about moms working or not, but obviously this can apply to either partner) was going to be working the very SAME job with the SAME hours regardless. The amount of time he spends with his kids DOES NOT CHANGE. But if mom stays home, the kids now have mom for an ADDITIONAL 8 hours per day.

This is not a difficult concept to understand.

The median INDIVIDUAL income in the US is around 60k. You can support a family on that income alone, but your quality of lifestyle is gonna take a massive hit, especially if your partner makes close to that amount as well. Many people don't want that and the median worker would have to take a second job to partially offset the lose of income. People on DCUM are simply out of touch with how things work for the average person.

And yes, gender matters because this type of OP wouldn't have been directed to working men, which implies that a man's time with his children is less valuable, hence the expectation that the mother is the one who leaves her job to spend more time with her kids.

How far 60k stretches depends on where one lives, obviously. But let’s stick to the DMV where we have dimwits in this very thread who don’t understand that one GS-14 or 15 (for example) can actually support a family pretty easily and still have plenty of time to spend with their kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:But what did that teach children’s about women’s capabilities? And how many women stayed with abusive or philandering men because they were entirely dependent on them?

Why is your question only posed to women? Do modern nen like having the option of being more involved in raising their children? Do children like spending time with both parents?

What do you think you’re teaching your children with the constant messaging that a woman prioritizing taking care of her own kids is basically a useless loser?

Often it has nothing to do with capabilities, but priorities. But sure, make sure Larla knows that you’d rather be working on yet another powerpoint about synergy than playing candyland with her. You’re a modern woman and kids are just an accessory!

[Anonymous]

I’m a SAHM. My husband does well (bonus varies but he always makes makes at least 550k). We live in a M-LCOL area. We don’t have a mortgage. We have 3 kids who range from upper elementary to high school.

It’s nice because our lives are pretty much stress free. No money worries. No pressure to juggle the demands of 3 kids and 2 jobs (and a reactive rescue dog who is a lot of work, lol). I can drive the kids around after school and help with homework. I’m not racing to get work done after dinner so I can relax and talk with them or watch a tv show with them.

Fwiw, I did work for a couple years after my first was born and I hated it. I hated having to prioritize something that wasn’t him. I hated having to juggle work and parenting and feeling bad at both. I hated coming home totally exhausted and not wanting to spend time with my baby/toddler. I hated how often he got sick at daycare! I hated that he was one ear infection away from getting tubes put in his ears.

I also hated my job. Quitting was the right decision for me. But it helps that my husband has always suggested it and we don’t need the extra money. It only works if your spouse thinks it’s the right decision too and totally supports it, imo.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I work full time, make >$500k, and see my children grow up and do tons of things together.

It’s how I manage my time and the systems we have set up.

I make $400k now (empty nester) and was making closer to $200k when my kids were younger. I've always been highly engaged with my kids. I watched them grow up while I was working. Turns out I can do two things at once LOL

I'm SO glad I stayed in the workforce. A man is NOT the plan and I say this as someone who is still happily married. I've seen so many women stay in unhappy relationships because they had no money or job experience. No thank you. Was it exhausting to work FT while raising kids? Yes, a lot of the time it was but my husband was also exhausted. It's called parenting.

WTH? Everything else you said is fine, whatever, but parenting doesn’t have to be exhausting. Lots of people don’t have this weird American instinct to take pride in being busy and exhausted all the time.

I'm not saying that with pride at all. It was a fact for us. We both need a lot of sleep and are high maintenance. We were tired for many years but we'd both still do it all over again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hate such stupid questions.

Not all women are mothers. Not all mothers want to stay home. Those mothers that do want to stay home, still can.

+1

Now you have the choice - which was the power we gained. No, I don’t think we should give that up.

It’s a choice in theory, for women who marry high earning men that support them staying home. That’s a very small portion of men, and most women have to work whether they want to or not.

Agree. Two income family is now the norm, prices for everything are high, the culture of organized activities ($$$) has increased, there are not many parttime jobs for women. A woman choosing to stay home or work part-time is not so accessible these days.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I work full time, make >$500k, and see my children grow up and do tons of things together.

It’s how I manage my time and the systems we have set up.

Meh would rather have a husband who does that so I can relax at home

Relax at home? I thought being a SAHM was the hardest job in the world...

Lmaof

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I work full time, make >$500k, and see my children grow up and do tons of things together.

It’s how I manage my time and the systems we have set up.

Meh would rather have a husband who does that so I can relax at home

Relax at home? I thought being a SAHM was the hardest job in the world...

Once the kids are in upper elementary school all you do is volunteer and drive in figure eights around town from 4pm to 9pm.

Well, yeah. And so easy for me with a full-time WAH job making $185k with great benefits. It was usually me and the part-tone or other full-time moms, and even some dads when they needed volunteers. Our PTA president had a part-time job. I would pick them up outside school. I flexed 7-3:30pm- husband made breakfast for them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I work full time, make >$500k, and see my children grow up and do tons of things together.

It’s how I manage my time and the systems we have set up.

Meh would rather have a husband who does that so I can relax at home

Relax at home? I thought being a SAHM was the hardest job in the world...

Once the kids are in upper elementary school all you do is volunteer and drive in figure eights around town from 4pm to 9pm.

Well, yeah. And so easy for me with a full-time WAH job making $185k with great benefits. It was usually me and the part-tone or other full-time moms, and even some dads when they needed volunteers. Our PTA president had a part-time job. I would pick them up outside school. I flexed 7-3:30pm- husband made breakfast for them.

My kids are teens now—and incredibly close to both me and my husband for all the time traveling with them to sports events, coaching, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hate such stupid questions.

Not all women are mothers. Not all mothers want to stay home. Those mothers that do want to stay home, still can.

+1

Now you have the choice - which was the power we gained. No, I don’t think we should give that up.

This - I'm in a not so great marriage and I thank god that I went back to work after a few years at home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hate such stupid questions.

Not all women are mothers. Not all mothers want to stay home. Those mothers that do want to stay home, still can.

+1

Now you have the choice - which was the power we gained. No, I don’t think we should give that up.

This - I'm in a not so great marriage and I thank god that I went back to work after a few years at home.

+100 I had $2.5 million in my own retirement account, $200k income and my own great health benefits when my spouse had a massive midlife crisis. I didn’t have to put up with sh@t. He may have made twice as much as me—but I didn’t have to worry. I had my own means.

Having choice is priceless. I would always encourage everyone to earn. Always keep a foot in the door, even if at times you cut hours, go part-time, WAH, always have your own income.