13yr old's pediatrician just told her she is overweight and I am pissed

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 16 year old is 5’9 and 137. I’m sorry op but your child is overweight. Not sure how they could have handled this, as to tell you privately they would have needed to ask you to leave the room. I’m sure then your child would have had questions and then you would have just lied?

OMG. You felt the need to post your DDs height and weight for what reason? It helps OP how? You want to brag? You think it somehow makes you fit to comment?

You are a nightmare. You and any other PP on here who posted their own weight or their daughter's weight.

F'd up women.

It’s not to brag, it’s for perspective. Op’s child is overweight and her doctor is concerned, but op thinks it’s better to complain on the internet instead of addressing the problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Childhood obesity is a big deal and most parents are blind to it. I’m glad to hear pediatricians are bringing it up with kids. Your DD is overweight so it was standard fair for dr to mention. He was not doing anything out of the ordinary. You’ll be fine

The doctor is a woman.

Um, ok. How does that change the scenario? Not sure why it’s relevant

It doesn't change the scenario. But the assumption that a doctor is male is old fashioned and not any good for our daughters either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:150 is huge for 5-2 and at 13….. total mom fail. I’m 5’2 as well, I was 95 pounds at that age. Your daughter is a big girl, sorry.

She's 5'5", sounds like you need some carbs to fuel your brain

And she is still overweight according to the pediatric/teen bmi guidelines at 5’5” as well

one tenth of one pound overweight

No….actually she is 15 lbs overweight. According to the CDC, a 13 yr old child at 5’5” would need to be 135 lbs to have a BMI under the 85th percentile (which is the threshold to determine if a child is overweight). You have to know she is still growing and gaining and going through puberty. She is not an adult and her weight and BMI can’t be compared to an adult. It isn’t the same standard

https://www.cdc.gov/healthyweight/bmi/result.html?&method=english&gender=f&age_y=13&age_m=0&hinches=65&twp=135

but the cdc also says this

If an athlete or other person with a lot of muscle has a high BMI, is that person still considered overweight?

Athletes may have a high BMI because of increased muscularity rather than increased body fatness. A trained healthcare provider can perform appropriate health assessments to evaluate an individual’s health status and risks. Because no single body fat measure clearly distinguishes health from disease or identifies risk of disease, BMI should serve as the initial screening. Other factors, such as fat distribution, genetics, diet, and fitness level contribute to an individual’s disease risk.

https://www.cdc.gov/healthyweight/assessing/bmi/childrens_bmi/about_childrens_bmi.html#children-and-teens

OP I completely agree with you that the pediatrician should not have told your daughter she is overweight. She should have inquired about diet, eating habits (e.g. frequency, snacking) and physical activity and that's it.

The important thing at this age is encouraging healthy habits.

The chances of OP’s 13 yr old daughter being such a high level extreme athlete that justifies an extra 15 lbs is low. But whatever. She sounds active and hopefully eats pretty heathy, so what more can a parent do? >70% of adults are overweight now, more will be when this kid is an adult, probably including her and most of the kids of everyone posting here- eventually.

Agree this. The girl is overweight, she will be overweight (or obese) as an adult. Like the vast majority of Americans and people worldwide.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone here is right and everyone here is wrong. (I'm a child psychologist. I know these things. (1) Mom is right for telling her daughter that she is beautiful as she is right now. Truthfully, her daughter's weight right now is *not* a health problem at her daughter's age right now. It could even be an advantage for her muscular daughter to be "big" right now. Case in point - my niece was a goalie on a championship college soccer team and being big was an advantage for her at that time. (2) The doctor was not wrong in telling her that her weight was a health risk. Weight over 140 lbs. for women is a health risk - *as you get older, and if it's maintained at that level*. Doctors are not the best messengers for this fact but they are absolutely pressured by insurance companies to deliver this message. Have you noticed that doctors are not rewarded for their skills in human relations? (3) Back to my "big" niece.
After she graduated from her master's degree program in engineering and got a great job, her mother asked me to take her shopping for a work wardrobe. After several tearful trips to shops where chic clerks had no interest in outfitting a big girl, the lovely local Banana Republic ladies outfitted her with a great "plus-size" wardrobe. Fast forward 1 year - another shopping trip was requested. My niece needed a new, regular size wardrobe. No doctor's lecture, no mother's pressure in play. She was working in an environment where being big was not an advantage. Her colleagues were eating sushi and salads for lunch. She was living in a state that had the lowest level of obesity in the country. Her work place does not tolerate sexual harassment. Have you noticed that a lot of young women are big to protect themselves from bring hit on by men? Or beat up by other girls? The magic - environment. Coda - my elderly mother complained of being lectured by her doctor for being overweight - until she moved into a fancy retirement community and lost 20 lbs without trying because her new friends were not obese and they were served great healthy meals. It's axiomatic among psychologists. We Americans have no idea how impactful *unspoken* environmental pressures are on our behavior.

All women? The women who are 4'9" and the women who are 6'0"? Women of all races, ages and body types? Are you sure about that?

Especially pregnant women!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 16 year old is 5’9 and 137. I’m sorry op but your child is overweight. Not sure how they could have handled this, as to tell you privately they would have needed to ask you to leave the room. I’m sure then your child would have had questions and then you would have just lied?

OMG. You felt the need to post your DDs height and weight for what reason? It helps OP how? You want to brag? You think it somehow makes you fit to comment?

You are a nightmare. You and any other PP on here who posted their own weight or their daughter's weight.

F'd up women.

It’s not to brag, it’s for perspective. Op’s child is overweight and her doctor is concerned, but op thinks it’s better to complain on the internet instead of addressing the problem.

How do you think she should address it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The doctor should have talked about this with you and not her. The dr should have discussed activity, good food options, etc with her with out using the word obese or overweight with her.

Agree. My pediatrician did this to me too. Almost 40 years later, I still remember it. I ended up with an eating disorder in college and absolutely have struggled with disordered eating as an adult. Was the Ped right? Maybe. But the way he handled it was wrong. I think of it still and had hoped that this type of thing wouldn’t be the same with doctors today. Sorry to hear that’s the case. I’m sorry this happened to your daughter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The doctor should have talked about this with you and not her. The dr should have discussed activity, good food options, etc with her with out using the word obese or overweight with her.

Agree. My pediatrician did this to me too. Almost 40 years later, I still remember it. I ended up with an eating disorder in college and absolutely have struggled with disordered eating as an adult. Was the Ped right? Maybe. But the way he handled it was wrong. I think of it still and had hoped that this type of thing wouldn’t be the same with doctors today. Sorry to hear that’s the case. I’m sorry this happened to your daughter.

Pp here. Adding on now that I see you are changing Peds. Good for you. It sounds like you are doing a great job and I think your daughter will appreciate that you are changing drs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:150 is huge for 5-2 and at 13….. total mom fail. I’m 5’2 as well, I was 95 pounds at that age. Your daughter is a big girl, sorry.

She's 5'5", sounds like you need some carbs to fuel your brain

And she is still overweight according to the pediatric/teen bmi guidelines at 5’5” as well

one tenth of one pound overweight

No….actually she is 15 lbs overweight. According to the CDC, a 13 yr old child at 5’5” would need to be 135 lbs to have a BMI under the 85th percentile (which is the threshold to determine if a child is overweight). You have to know she is still growing and gaining and going through puberty. She is not an adult and her weight and BMI can’t be compared to an adult. It isn’t the same standard

https://www.cdc.gov/healthyweight/bmi/result.html?&method=english&gender=f&age_y=13&age_m=0&hinches=65&twp=135

NP and I just used this calculator for my daughter. It said she was overweight and in the 88th percentile. She’s another multiple sport athlete who wears a women’s small. She has a tiny frame, is muscular and wears a C cup bra. All of these things affect weight. Her pediatrician had never said anything other than she’s healthy. I’m glad you are switching doctors, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:150 is huge for 5-2 and at 13….. total mom fail. I’m 5’2 as well, I was 95 pounds at that age. Your daughter is a big girl, sorry.

She's 5'5", sounds like you need some carbs to fuel your brain

And she is still overweight according to the pediatric/teen bmi guidelines at 5’5” as well

one tenth of one pound overweight

No….actually she is 15 lbs overweight. According to the CDC, a 13 yr old child at 5’5” would need to be 135 lbs to have a BMI under the 85th percentile (which is the threshold to determine if a child is overweight). You have to know she is still growing and gaining and going through puberty. She is not an adult and her weight and BMI can’t be compared to an adult. It isn’t the same standard

https://www.cdc.gov/healthyweight/bmi/result.html?&method=english&gender=f&age_y=13&age_m=0&hinches=65&twp=135

but the cdc also says this

If an athlete or other person with a lot of muscle has a high BMI, is that person still considered overweight?

Athletes may have a high BMI because of increased muscularity rather than increased body fatness. A trained healthcare provider can perform appropriate health assessments to evaluate an individual’s health status and risks. Because no single body fat measure clearly distinguishes health from disease or identifies risk of disease, BMI should serve as the initial screening. Other factors, such as fat distribution, genetics, diet, and fitness level contribute to an individual’s disease risk.

https://www.cdc.gov/healthyweight/assessing/bmi/childrens_bmi/about_childrens_bmi.html#children-and-teens

OP I completely agree with you that the pediatrician should not have told your daughter she is overweight. She should have inquired about diet, eating habits (e.g. frequency, snacking) and physical activity and that's it.

The important thing at this age is encouraging healthy habits.

The chances of OP’s 13 yr old daughter being such a high level extreme athlete that justifies an extra 15 lbs is low. But whatever. She sounds active and hopefully eats pretty heathy, so what more can a parent do? >70% of adults are overweight now, more will be when this kid is an adult, probably including her and most of the kids of everyone posting here- eventually.

Agree this. The girl is overweight, she will be overweight (or obese) as an adult. Like the vast majority of Americans and people worldwide.

OP here. Thanks for your lovely perspective on my child. I can’t imagine how awful your life must be and how low your self esteem must be to come here and say that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Woah so I am the OP. I just read all of the comments. Whew. Some of you are harsh. Not only calling her fat and overweight, but demeaning the sports she loves as lazy sports.

You sound worse than the middle schoolers in her school. But at least none of them have ever told her she is fat or made fun of the sports she has chosen.

Per that height to waist ratio, her waist is 27 1/2 inches which is much less than the 32 1/2 inches she should be under. I wish she would have mentioned that.

She currently works out daily between cross fit, pitching, softball conditioning, treadmill at our house etc… She also walks the dog twice a day and today she biked a few miles to friends. My guess is she will eventually be 5’7” ish.

I was shocked and mad she just came out and said overweight to her. She did mention she should maybe chose smaller meals, less fast food, and junk - but never once asked her diet. Only asked about sports. It was generalized random stuff to say to everyone. It wasn’t personal.

I refuse to let my daughter think she is less superior or walk into an eating disorder. I saw the smile leave her face when the doc said overweight. I hope it doesn’t damage her. There is a better way to talk to female teens, especially ones that are very athletic and still growing. This wasn’t it. We are changing pediatricians.

I'm glad you're changing pediatricians, OP. Your daughter sounds lovely, active and fit. She's lucky to have friends and a dog and a great mom. I think she'll be just fine.
You can tell her that this random lady on the internet thinks she sounds healthy and beautiful.

I appreciate that - OP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The pediatrician would be derelict in their duty if they did not run a BMI calculation and inform you that your child is overweight. It is standard practice. Being overweght comes with increased risk for a lot of chronic conditions such as Type 2 diabetes, high blood pressure, etc. It is better to flag these things early rather than later in life.

BMI was meant to track trends in population. Even the person who pioneered it says it was never meant to be used as an individual barometer. Save it.

(and no, I’m not fat, so don’t bother)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The pediatrician would be derelict in their duty if they did not run a BMI calculation and inform you that your child is overweight. It is standard practice. Being overweght comes with increased risk for a lot of chronic conditions such as Type 2 diabetes, high blood pressure, etc. It is better to flag these things early rather than later in life.

BMI was meant to track trends in population. Even the person who pioneered it says it was never meant to be used as an individual barometer. Save it.

(and no, I’m not fat, so don’t bother)

BMI also, totally coincidentally, correlates with health issues such as high blood pressure, prediabetes/diabetes, and more mundane issues including joint problems.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At my daughter's well visit and during that time she talked to her about physical activity etc...

My daughter does cross fit in winter, volleyball in Fall, and travel softball year round. She definitely has an athletic body. She wears a size 6 in jeans and a small or medium in shirts/pants. She is 5 ft 5.25 inches height and was 151lbs with her clothes and sneakers on.

This pediatrician talked to her about being in the overweight category in the BMI and I almost lost my $hit. My jaw dropped. She looks nothing overweight. She has muscular legs and arms (she is a softball pitcher) and no belly gut. She isn't a twig but man, I was thrown they would talk like this to a girl teen. When we left, I told my daughter to not listen to her and she is strong and beautiful and muscle weights more than fat and not to worry at all. But I know this made her start overthinking. I could see it.

Is this normal? Really thinking of moving doctors.

Omg I am the OP. Sorry, she is 5 ft and 5.25 inches. I changed it

She’s not overweight and she needs a new pediatrician.

[Anonymous]

I’m not reading the comments because I’m sure they’re terrible, but in case anyone needs to hear it -

The pediatrician should never have made these comments in front of the daughter,

And,

This type of “help” is not productive, does not lead to improved health, and in fact is known to contribute to disordered eating

Neither of these are debatable. First do no harm. Op, don’t just switch - provide feedback and then switch.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The pediatrician would be derelict in their duty if they did not run a BMI calculation and inform you that your child is overweight. It is standard practice. Being overweght comes with increased risk for a lot of chronic conditions such as Type 2 diabetes, high blood pressure, etc. It is better to flag these things early rather than later in life.

BMI was meant to track trends in population. Even the person who pioneered it says it was never meant to be used as an individual barometer. Save it.

(and no, I’m not fat, so don’t bother)

BMI also, totally coincidentally, correlates with health issues such as high blood pressure, prediabetes/diabetes, and more mundane issues including joint problems.

Not for muscular people