Women do you want to be approached?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you smoking hot? Yes, women want you to approach.
No? Then stay away, creep!

This is exactly correct.

For a small percentage of women, yes. The rest of us don’t think a normal-looking guy striking up a conversation is creepy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you smoking hot? Yes, women want you to approach.
No? Then stay away, creep!

This is exactly correct.

I hear the sentiment more often from men than from women. Most women I know care about looks to a degree but an ordinary guy with a great personality should do fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you smoking hot? Yes, women want you to approach.
No? Then stay away, creep!

This is exactly correct.

I hear the sentiment more often from men than from women. Most women I know care about looks to a degree but an ordinary guy with a great personality should do fine.

Some men would rather believe that they were turned down for their looks rather than struggle to understand what about their dating approach isn’t attracting women.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Former PUA here. The key is body language, and most men are pretty poor at reading signals. Look for an IOI (indicator of interest) from a woman, which could be as simple as a second glance. Also look how they are standing/sitting, including use of arms (crossed arms = not up for it); then take cues from your conversation if you do approach. Are they asking questions of you too? Laughing at your jokes? If not, time to get the message and move on.

Bwa ha ha. Ok, dude. Be gone, with your "flair" and silliness.

Pro tip: 99% of the time when I'm crossing my arms it's because I'm cold or just feel like crossing my arms. So, it's not a "non IOI" (again, ha ha ha).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Former PUA here. The key is body language, and most men are pretty poor at reading signals. Look for an IOI (indicator of interest) from a woman, which could be as simple as a second glance. Also look how they are standing/sitting, including use of arms (crossed arms = not up for it); then take cues from your conversation if you do approach. Are they asking questions of you too? Laughing at your jokes? If not, time to get the message and move on.

Bwa ha ha. Ok, dude. Be gone, with your "flair" and silliness.

Pro tip: 99% of the time when I'm crossing my arms it's because I'm cold or just feel like crossing my arms. So, it's not a "non IOI" (again, ha ha ha).

I never said it applied to everyone, did I?

Why are you so bitter and angry? Just giving OP advice

[Anonymous]

Answer is no use an app.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Former PUA here. The key is body language, and most men are pretty poor at reading signals. Look for an IOI (indicator of interest) from a woman, which could be as simple as a second glance. Also look how they are standing/sitting, including use of arms (crossed arms = not up for it); then take cues from your conversation if you do approach. Are they asking questions of you too? Laughing at your jokes? If not, time to get the message and move on.

Bwa ha ha. Ok, dude. Be gone, with your "flair" and silliness.

Pro tip: 99% of the time when I'm crossing my arms it's because I'm cold or just feel like crossing my arms. So, it's not a "non IOI" (again, ha ha ha).

I never said it applied to everyone, did I?

Why are you so bitter and angry? Just giving OP advice

PUAs have a pretty bad reputation as being slimy and weird, it’s likely that pp was reacting to that. I don’t know much about the pua community so I do t really care but I have heard it joked about.

[Anonymous]

I like getting respectfully approached. It’s a refreshing change from the apps which can feel like a grind.

Like others have said, just be respectful and don’t act like a creep about it.

[Anonymous]

I would be fine being approached. I think men now are too timid (I am early 40s but told I look younger).

True story: about 6 months before the pandemic I was at Starbucks and this handsome man was eyeing me up and down. I wanted to talk to him but was with work colleagues. I was hoping he would talk to me. I wondered if he was single.
He did not approach me.

We met on bumble six months later and had a lovely 7-month relationship. We could have met 6 months earlier than we actually did. He was too shy to talk to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:While I'm clearly engrossed in a book or work?

Depends on where you are when you're reading or working, right? If you're sitting in a cafe reading a book or working, I think that's fair game. If you don't want to be bothered, you could easily do the same thing at home. Probably same goes for a park bench. But I'd be more cautious if you're reading on the subway or bus. Basically, even if you're doing something solitary, if you're voluntarily doing it in a place with a lot of people, I think you're saying you're open for socializing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:when I’m out and about in public.

You're fine if you clearly need to ask where the men's room is, are coughing and pointing to water, etc.

If you are at a party, banquet, fair, dance, or other social then yes you should introduce yourself and respectfully mingle. No need to wallflower or be antisocial.

If you are at gym, don't bother someone working out except to smile or offer a spotter. You can at the pizza night, parties, or after workout smoothie bar, introduce yourself with "I recognize you from the cardio studio/vinyasa/pool/etc."

If you are taking a class or workshop you can invite your classmates to lunch or request them to join your study group.

You can offer to help her arthritic nana with the groceries, or hold the door for her wheelchair bound brother, etc.

If you are at a clothing store, you can say "My girl is about your size and I want to surprise her with a new dress. Do you think this would be flattering?". If you are at Sur la Table, a tasting, or even an Italian cultural center/embassy, you can ask how often she uses her instant pot if you are on the fence about buying one, or where a good italian grocer is. Anything relevant to your location or topic is fair game.

Do NOT ask women their ethnicity or any porn search term. "Where are you from?" is fine. "What are you?", "But where are you really from", "Where are your grandparents from?", etc instantly make you evil. Same with "I like the latin butt", "Are Asians tighter?", "I thought swedes would be blonde" or any racial comments. All Evil and report and call out guys as racists if you overhear this.

If someone on the street sexualizes a woman, orders her to "Smile" or anything else he wouldn't say to a man, intimidates/threatens/insults, ALWAYS call him out or express explicit disapproval that it is not cool and report him. This approach is not acceptable and YES this is why woman want to be left alone. These guys are 100% why it is harder for men to date/approach-women NEVER get told "you're so trusting and open", they get told "It happened again! How could you be so stupid!". Or they get called misogynistic names either way.

I hope this helps and I'm sorry that the bad men have been harassing women to the point that we can no longer smile, make eye contact, and meet each one another. Good luck and I hope you meet someone!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would be fine being approached. I think men now are too timid (I am early 40s but told I look younger).

True story: about 6 months before the pandemic I was at Starbucks and this handsome man was eyeing me up and down. I wanted to talk to him but was with work colleagues. I was hoping he would talk to me. I wondered if he was single.
He did not approach me.

We met on bumble six months later and had a lovely 7-month relationship. We could have met 6 months earlier than we actually did. He was too shy to talk to me.

If you couldn't talk to him because of work colleagues, why would it have mattered if he approached you? Also, I'm guessing the vast majority of women would prefer not to be approached when they're doing work stuff.

[Anonymous]

"Excuse me, I was wondering if you've accepted Jesus Christ as your personal Lord and Savior."

"Ummm."

"Just kidding you. I think you're hot. Wanna get coffee some time?"

I think that's more or less appropriate in any situation.

[Anonymous]

Some PUAs are weird, but they were that way all along. Others are just shy but decent guys who are deathly afraid of approaching women.

I was on vacation with a few friends earlier this summer ,and wanted to show a newly-single friend how it's done. On my own, I approached a number of women. None of this "You're beautiful" or "Gimme your number" nonsense. I just talked to them like a normal person. When our conversation was done, I didn't even ask their number. I gave them mine and said I'll be going to a bar later with my friends, and if they have time they're welcome to join. If not, totally fine and I enjoyed our conversation thus far nonetheless.

I was so busy with my friends that night I didn't glance at my phone, then as we were heading back i finally checked -- 5 different women had texted me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some PUAs are weird, but they were that way all along. Others are just shy but decent guys who are deathly afraid of approaching women.

I was on vacation with a few friends earlier this summer ,and wanted to show a newly-single friend how it's done. On my own, I approached a number of women. None of this "You're beautiful" or "Gimme your number" nonsense. I just talked to them like a normal person. When our conversation was done, I didn't even ask their number. I gave them mine and said I'll be going to a bar later with my friends, and if they have time they're welcome to join. If not, totally fine and I enjoyed our conversation thus far nonetheless.

I was so busy with my friends that night I didn't glance at my phone, then as we were heading back i finally checked -- 5 different women had texted me.

I think it’s the term PUA that puts people off (which, to me, is understandable). In sone cases, I think it just teaches awkward and shy guys basic social skills so that they can better connect with people around them.