I haven't been on a date in nearly 2 years

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No advice. I use apps when I feel like dating. I had three dates last week. I am early 40s.

I would not have time to randomly meet in other ways. Apps are efficient.

Agree - apps are the best of the lousy options. Joining a running club because I like to run was a complete waste. Few people are looking for a date and at least with an app everyone is. The key is filtering out the losers of whom there are many.

What apps are you using? I honestly don't have much patience for losers

I am only on Bumble. I don't use other apps because I don't feel like it. I am incognito most of the time (that means they can't see me...I can see them and only swipe if I would be interested). I've met mostly quality people...not losers.

Can you explain the bolded? I'm divorced and have recently wondered about using a dating app, but I worry about my co-workers finding me. I've seen some of them find other coworkers on dating sites and show each other and be all gossipy and laugh about it. Plus, I'm very private and they don't even know that I'm divorced. Is there a discreet way to do this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
take years to find a date.. this is not after college

Why assume the OP isn't college educated?
YEARS? Come on. The reason I am not on apps is because I met people paying Tinder for two years with no girlfriend, like the algorithm is designed to carrot dangle to extract the most money. Appless, my ex said "you tend to date other people within 5 minutes" but I'd give OP a far more realistic week in case she's on her period and doesn't feel like hiking. Among older boomer-types, I have only heard of heavyset folks (bars not hiking) on apps.

In 2019, 60% of LTRs were formed offline.
The only OLD marriages I know are from Match with one Tinder. The Tinder is a racist, rude, unattractive guy and they started with a 1-night-stand. She is pretty cute and is fully able-bodied, but is a stay-at-home childless wife/non-mom. They spend a lot of time apart and the guy is kinda creepy towards other women. I know many people on apps looking for an ego boost with ridiculous standards because of the endless options. I think OP may like IRL or Match and will get a quality date WAY faster IRL. Some women don't care the slightest about salary or race, and are far more concerned with treatment of others, values, faithfulness, respect (eg honesty vs ghosting) etc which aren't options/encouraged by apps.

You have a reading comprehension problem..."this is not after college" means I assume she went to college and she is not in her right-after-college years where most people are still single and it is easier to meet people at random events. As years go by, it starts getting harder to meet people in person at random to date as many people are taken or busy with careers.

I don't care about your stats from 2019...that could be limited to a certain age group. It would make sense that many LTRs in 20s and early 30s were formed offline but not necessarily for older than that. The data does not apply.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No advice. I use apps when I feel like dating. I had three dates last week. I am early 40s.

I would not have time to randomly meet in other ways. Apps are efficient.

Agree - apps are the best of the lousy options. Joining a running club because I like to run was a complete waste. Few people are looking for a date and at least with an app everyone is. The key is filtering out the losers of whom there are many.

What apps are you using? I honestly don't have much patience for losers

I am only on Bumble. I don't use other apps because I don't feel like it. I am incognito most of the time (that means they can't see me...I can see them and only swipe if I would be interested). I've met mostly quality people...not losers.

Can you explain the bolded? I'm divorced and have recently wondered about using a dating app, but I worry about my co-workers finding me. I've seen some of them find other coworkers on dating sites and show each other and be all gossipy and laugh about it. Plus, I'm very private and they don't even know that I'm divorced. Is there a discreet way to do this?

If you are incognito no one can see you unless you want them to (so you won't be found). In this mode, you have to express interest for someone to see you. I think this feature might only be available to women...I don't know. I am a woman (divorced). Most of my coworkers don't know but I don't care either. I do it because I can't deal with the amount of likes so I am in incognito mode so I can search others but they can't find me. Match as a simliar feature.

Who cares about your coworkers though? Get over that in general.

[Anonymous]

I met my DH on tinder. 4 years married with a perfect toddler. I’m 39. Highly recommend the apps for efficiency. Any single man who wants to date is on the apps so no reason you should be shy about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would like to start dating again, but don't know where to start. 2 years ago I used apps, and I met some guys, but honestly, it was so tedious. I'm open to using apps again, but I'm not sure I want that to be my primary method for finding men to date.

Where should I or what should I join to meet someone?

Church.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would like to start dating again, but don't know where to start. 2 years ago I used apps, and I met some guys, but honestly, it was so tedious. I'm open to using apps again, but I'm not sure I want that to be my primary method for finding men to date.

Where should I or what should I join to meet someone?

Church.

Church is one place I will not be going. I'm not particularly religious and have major issues with Christianity.

[Anonymous]

Where do you live? Do you have friends? Do you have hobbies? What do you do for work? There are a zillion ways to meet people that don't involve dating apps, which I personally find to be a bad way to meet people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I don't have kids.
I don't go to bars/parties.

Good! Good! Next elimination:
couples therapy (to hear what frustrates a man) vs concert (to find a guy who appreciates culture)

If you don't go to discussion groups or concerts, list two locations you are willing to attend.

I like art and history so I would go to a museum

I like crafts and foods so I go to farmer's markets

I like animals will go anywhere with animals.

I like the outdoors I go on hikes and birdwatches

This is not great advice for a relationship past the age of 25.

You can't critique without offering an alternative so what's your advice? Also I'm not looking for a relationship. I'm looking for dates, relationships can ( or mot) grow from that.

I am the poster who suggested apps. They are efficient. You know people are looking for dates. At random things, you have no idea who is single. It would take years to find a date that way. People are busy. You need to go where you know people are looking for dates...this is not college or after college...go online.

So I'm not opposed to apps. I just hate creating profiles answering questions, going through others profiles and answering questions before going out on a date.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Since you love dogs, you should go to the single and mingle night! I don't think you have to actually have a dog to attend.

https://barksocial.com/pages/events

Awesome! Thanks

[Anonymous]

It's a good idea to do both apps and trying to meet people in real life so that way you can maximize your possibilities.

We can help you with your profile! I'm sure there are many adept writers on DCUM, and we already know that you like:
-art and history
-crafts and food
-animals
-hiking and birdwatching

Any creative writers want to give it a go?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I don't have kids.
I don't go to bars/parties.

Good! Good! Next elimination:
couples therapy (to hear what frustrates a man) vs concert (to find a guy who appreciates culture)

If you don't go to discussion groups or concerts, list two locations you are willing to attend.

I like art and history so I would go to a museum

I like crafts and foods so I go to farmer's markets

I like animals will go anywhere with animals.

I like the outdoors I go on hikes and birdwatches

This is not great advice for a relationship past the age of 25.

You can't critique without offering an alternative so what's your advice? Also I'm not looking for a relationship. I'm looking for dates, relationships can ( or mot) grow from that.

I am the poster who suggested apps. They are efficient. You know people are looking for dates. At random things, you have no idea who is single. It would take years to find a date that way. People are busy. You need to go where you know people are looking for dates...this is not college or after college...go online.

So I'm not opposed to apps. I just hate creating profiles answering questions, going through others profiles and answering questions before going out on a date.

I don't answer questions. I say "let's meet." I have one profile. It is not hard to glance at others.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would like to start dating again, but don't know where to start. 2 years ago I used apps, and I met some guys, but honestly, it was so tedious. I'm open to using apps again, but I'm not sure I want that to be my primary method for finding men to date.

Where should I or what should I join to meet someone?

Church.

Also the last place I would go. Most people are married. And don't go unless you are a regular churchgoer...I don't go to church a lot (but I am fairly conservative on some things), but I don't want my life to revolve around church so the last place I would want to meet a man is at church.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I met my DH on tinder. 4 years married with a perfect toddler. I’m 39. Highly recommend the apps for efficiency. Any single man who wants to date is on the apps so no reason you should be shy about it.

Exactly.

[Anonymous]

Daring Apps are like buying fresh tomatoes at a supermarket. You have to go through a number until you find one you like. The alternative is to grow your own tomatoes but that can take a long time and takes a lot of work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Daring Apps are like buying fresh tomatoes at a supermarket. You have to go through a number until you find one you like. The alternative is to grow your own tomatoes but that can take a long time and takes a lot of work.

Oh wise one

What does growing your own tomatoes mean in dating?