16 year old girl, curfew and dating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just want to say that when my parents gave bogus curfews like 10pm, I just "spent the night with girlfriends". It wasn't the safest and sometimes I really didn't have a place to stay.

I know I'll be slammed for this given DCUM, but we never let dc's sleep over at friends when young and now they know not to ask. Makes me feel so. much. better. about them going to parties, etc. I also wait up when they come home (not always, but sometimes) to assess the situation. My dd's friend lets her sleep over at our house, but every single time she's done so, I've gotten a text from the mom 'thanking me for having her' which I think is her way of making sure she is actually staying over.

Hi I went to college with kids who had parents like you. Those kids were crazy wild and engaging in all sorts of dangerous behavior. I was over it by college and barely drank. There is a world of difference between parents who allow too much and parents who allow nothing.

I’m too lazy to do your research but that’s SUCH A COMMON TROPE it’s really overdone and plenty of studies show it not to be true.

.

I'm a different poster, but I don't care what the studies say as this also seemed true from my experience. I had a lot of freedom in high school and younger but was also exposed to a fair amount by a pretty young age. By college, I was pretty much bored with drinking, partying, etc. that I focused almost entirely on academics and career related pursuits by the time I got to college (while all my peers who had helicopter parents were going nuts and had trouble coping with all the newfound freedom).

Ummm this was me to a teee. Counted down the days until college so I could finally break free. Partied way too hard and am thankful I made it thru. Made a lot of bad choices and am a lucky person. You have to give your kids some freedom or they are going to go to college possibly far away and do whatever they want and possibly be out of control. My friends from college all still talk about it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just want to say that when my parents gave bogus curfews like 10pm, I just "spent the night with girlfriends". It wasn't the safest and sometimes I really didn't have a place to stay.

I know I'll be slammed for this given DCUM, but we never let dc's sleep over at friends when young and now they know not to ask. Makes me feel so. much. better. about them going to parties, etc. I also wait up when they come home (not always, but sometimes) to assess the situation. My dd's friend lets her sleep over at our house, but every single time she's done so, I've gotten a text from the mom 'thanking me for having her' which I think is her way of making sure she is actually staying over.

Hi I went to college with kids who had parents like you. Those kids were crazy wild and engaging in all sorts of dangerous behavior. I was over it by college and barely drank. There is a world of difference between parents who allow too much and parents who allow nothing.

I’m too lazy to do your research but that’s SUCH A COMMON TROPE it’s really overdone and plenty of studies show it not to be true.

.

I'm a different poster, but I don't care what the studies say as this also seemed true from my experience. I had a lot of freedom in high school and younger but was also exposed to a fair amount by a pretty young age. By college, I was pretty much bored with drinking, partying, etc. that I focused almost entirely on academics and career related pursuits by the time I got to college (while all my peers who had helicopter parents were going nuts and had trouble coping with all the newfound freedom).

Ummm this was me to a teee. Counted down the days until college so I could finally break free. Partied way too hard and am thankful I made it thru. Made a lot of bad choices and am a lucky person. You have to give your kids some freedom or they are going to go to college possibly far away and do whatever they want and possibly be out of control. My friends from college all still talk about it

Sure it's true for some people. But people usually tell stories that fit the narrative of common tropes. People party in college about as much as their friends party in college. For kids who were straight-laced in HS that partying might feel way more intense because it's new to them so the story is about how wild they got. For kids who did more, it may seem same as usual. But studies do show that parental controls in HS are associated with less drug and alcohol use/abuse in HS and college and higher graduation rates from college. That said, moderate parental controls (e.g., some agency over curfew, willingness to negotiate about rights) are more effective than tight parental controls.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just want to say that when my parents gave bogus curfews like 10pm, I just "spent the night with girlfriends". It wasn't the safest and sometimes I really didn't have a place to stay.

I know I'll be slammed for this given DCUM, but we never let dc's sleep over at friends when young and now they know not to ask. Makes me feel so. much. better. about them going to parties, etc. I also wait up when they come home (not always, but sometimes) to assess the situation. My dd's friend lets her sleep over at our house, but every single time she's done so, I've gotten a text from the mom 'thanking me for having her' which I think is her way of making sure she is actually staying over.

Hi I went to college with kids who had parents like you. Those kids were crazy wild and engaging in all sorts of dangerous behavior. I was over it by college and barely drank. There is a world of difference between parents who allow too much and parents who allow nothing.

Well, I was only allowed to sleep over at my cousins house growing up and had a reasonable curfew --- never engaged in crazy wild and dangerous behavior in college!

I also do the same with my kids since they were young and they don't ask to sleep over at friends home.


Glad your parents allowed you to do so much and therefore you were "over it" by college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just want to say that when my parents gave bogus curfews like 10pm, I just "spent the night with girlfriends". It wasn't the safest and sometimes I really didn't have a place to stay.

I know I'll be slammed for this given DCUM, but we never let dc's sleep over at friends when young and now they know not to ask. Makes me feel so. much. better. about them going to parties, etc. I also wait up when they come home (not always, but sometimes) to assess the situation. My dd's friend lets her sleep over at our house, but every single time she's done so, I've gotten a text from the mom 'thanking me for having her' which I think is her way of making sure she is actually staying over.

Hi I went to college with kids who had parents like you. Those kids were crazy wild and engaging in all sorts of dangerous behavior. I was over it by college and barely drank. There is a world of difference between parents who allow too much and parents who allow nothing.

Well, I was only allowed to sleep over at my cousins house growing up and had a reasonable curfew --- never engaged in crazy wild and dangerous behavior in college!

I also do the same with my kids since they were young and they don't ask to sleep over at friends home.


Glad your parents allowed you to do so much and therefore you were "over it" by college.

People I knew who did this ended up not making it to college, or ended up at low-end party schools. Unless they were rich.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All of a sudden I have to make decisions about these things!
My daughter and friends are hanging with boys that can drive.
It’s definitely a huge change having to worry about this.
How late do you
Let them stay out?

You shouldn't there's still a pandemic going on

Who writes this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can’t believe all the parents that don’t allow their 16-18 yr olds in the car with another 16-18 yr old. That is insane.

What good comes from allowing it

A normal social life. Mom picking you up and dropping you off at this age really puts a damper on development. I can't imagine being at a friend's house and we want to go get ice cream and I need to go call my mom to drive us (when we are both capable and licensed) or not being able to drive to a county fair with a friend, out to bowling and greasy spoon restaurant after...or really doing anything besides having Mom plop me at a friend's house.

Several people have said that their teen can drive by themself, no passengers.