Would you decline family money to avoid their unspoken strings?

[Anonymous]

Your aunt should not give you anything. Why? Because she has not made any demands of you and you are basically angry over nothing. To me it means that you are a selfish person.

[Anonymous]

YES

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m in my late 20s now and I have an aunt who has been sending me around $1,000 year since my teens. However she is a strict Catholic and I am an atheist. Among other things, she is a bit controlling.

You made it out like she's the bad guy when you took her money (probably close to $16k now) and bashed her on a forum without providing any shred of evidence about the "unspoken strings"

[Anonymous]

You don’t really need to do anything except be prepared for her to stop giving you money, which of course she can do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your aunt should not give you anything. Why? Because she has not made any demands of you and you are basically angry over nothing. To me it means that you are a selfish person.

Op doesn’t sound angry - just disinterested in playing along.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your aunt should not give you anything. Why? Because she has not made any demands of you and you are basically angry over nothing. To me it means that you are a selfish person.

Op doesn’t sound angry - just disinterested in playing along.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m in my late 20s now and I have an aunt who has been sending me around $1,000 year since my teens. However she is a strict Catholic and I am an atheist. Among other things, she is a bit controlling.

You made it out like she's the bad guy when you took her money (probably close to $16k now) and bashed her on a forum without providing any shred of evidence about the "unspoken strings"

+1

[Anonymous]

I found the key is just not to tell your parents and relatives everything.

If she and your mom live next door and talk every day, refusing the birthday money is going to cause more of a problem than just not involving all of them in your personal life or religious life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m in my late 20s now and I have an aunt who has been sending me around $1,000 year since my teens. However she is a strict Catholic and I am an atheist. Among other things, she is a bit controlling.

You made it out like she's the bad guy when you took her money (probably close to $16k now) and bashed her on a forum without providing any shred of evidence about the "unspoken strings"

+1

This is an anonymous forum. Why is that so hard for people to get?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m in my late 20s now and I have an aunt who has been sending me around $1,000 year since my teens. However she is a strict Catholic and I am an atheist. Among other things, she is a bit controlling.

You made it out like she's the bad guy when you took her money (probably close to $16k now) and bashed her on a forum without providing any shred of evidence about the "unspoken strings"

+1

This is an anonymous forum. Why is that so hard for people to get?

It's hard to get because people feel defensive about their own choices, and there is an emotional reaction of feeling attacked when they read criticism of an anonymous person that seems like them.

It happens a lot here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your aunt should not give you anything. Why? Because she has not made any demands of you and you are basically angry over nothing. To me it means that you are a selfish person.

Op doesn’t sound angry - just disinterested in playing along.

+1

She has not clearly described what she needs to play along with. My very catholic family gives me nothing but I'm still respectful of their beliefs (I too am an atheist!). We just don't talk about it too much and when we do I don't tell them all I think they're stupid or delusional (and importantly, I actually don't think this).

My mom likes to give gifts with a lot of strings and I used to say no. And then we had a big thing about it and I was very clear that I didn't want gifts with any expectations, that I was fine getting nothing, and if she wanted to gift something I would not turn her away but she had to understand that. And she accepted it and we've been fine ever since (she does give us stuff).

At some point I decided it was silly to deprive myself of something just so I could feel I had the moral high ground. So now I take the gifts and can do so because I did the hard work of having a difficult conversation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m in my late 20s now and I have an aunt who has been sending me around $1,000 year since my teens. However she is a strict Catholic and I am an atheist. Among other things, she is a bit controlling.

You made it out like she's the bad guy when you took her money (probably close to $16k now) and bashed her on a forum without providing any shred of evidence about the "unspoken strings"

+1

This is an anonymous forum. Why is that so hard for people to get?

Anonymous, but we can reach our own conclusions based on what is shared and so far I'm on team aunt based on OPs posts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m in my late 20s now and I have an aunt who has been sending me around $1,000 year since my teens. However she is a strict Catholic and I am an atheist. Among other things, she is a bit controlling.

What else does she do with her money?

What strings are attached? What controlling ACTIONS has she taken? All bark, no bite?

[Anonymous]

You sounds paranoid OP. Lay off the mass and social media.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your aunt should not give you anything. Why? Because she has not made any demands of you and you are basically angry over nothing. To me it means that you are a selfish person.

+1. Thought it was just me missing the other half of Ops post…