Would you decline family money to avoid their unspoken strings?

[Anonymous]

I’m in my late 20s now and I have an aunt who has been sending me around $1,000 year since my teens. However she is a strict Catholic and I am an atheist. Among other things, she is a bit controlling.

[Anonymous]

Definitely. And that's hardly enough to make it worth it!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Definitely. And that's hardly enough to make it worth it!

OP here. How do you politely decline it?

[Anonymous]

What are the "unspoken" strings that you think are in play? Does she expect or assume that you'll be available run her errands, drive her to the doctor, take care of her as she gets older? Does she expect when she tries controlling things that you'll go along with it? Will she be angry if none of the above happen.

I'm not sure what the difference in your beliefs makes unless she is also assuming or expecting yours to be the same as hers.

[Anonymous]

Depends if I need it or not. Beggars can't be choosers.

[Anonymous]

how much money are we talking about? for op's 1k a year, I wouldn't change my life in any way at all, but as you add zeros, my answer would change

[Anonymous]

Do you have to go to church with her every Sunday, or do you just want to go have sex before marriage and get an abortion and live in sin but she lives across the country and doesn't know any of that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you have to go to church with her every Sunday, or do you just want to go have sex before marriage and get an abortion and live in sin but she lives across the country and doesn't know any of that?

OP here. She lives next to my mother (also pretty religious) and they talk about everything.

[Anonymous]

If the “string” is being kind and respectful about her Catholicism, you should do that for free. If it’s your changing your behavior, then of course not. Live your life, be polite and honest, and it’s her choice if she wants to keep gifting you money or not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If the “string” is being kind and respectful about her Catholicism, you should do that for free. If it’s your changing your behavior, then of course not. Live your life, be polite and honest, and it’s her choice if she wants to keep gifting you money or not.

+1

[Anonymous]

What strings? She already knows you are an atheist..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Definitely. And that's hardly enough to make it worth it!

OP here. How do you politely decline it?

Don’t cash the check. Presumably she’s not mailing you $1,000 cash.

[Anonymous]

Yes, blood money

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If the “string” is being kind and respectful about her Catholicism, you should do that for free. If it’s your changing your behavior, then of course not. Live your life, be polite and honest, and it’s her choice if she wants to keep gifting you money or not.

+1

+1

Everyone is responsible for their own decisions. You decide how you live your life, what she does with her money is her decision. You don't have to announce your non-Catholic beliefs, just go about your life. If she (or your mother) start conversations that pry into your affairs or dictate how you live your life, you can politely end those conversations. If that causes her to change her decision about sending you money, then that's her decision.

[Anonymous]

If with each gift she guilt trips and says "I expect you to...." yes you decline and say you cannot meet her expectations. If she gives you a gift and never says she expects anything, you can assume it is a gift. If your mom says "because Aunt Elma gives you money you must..." Then tell, mom, I don't accept gifts with strings and please kindly tell Aunt Elma if it's a contract and not a gift, she needs to say so."