Tell me how to be a good guest

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:3 weeks is absolutely WAY TOO LONG.

This!!

It's especially way too long when you already know your Dad gets stressed out by the kids. Why are you doing this to yourselves?

[Anonymous]

I’ve done these long visits with my parents, but with just one child. Honestly I much much prefer it when they visit me, because then we have paid childcare and they handle evenings and weekends, leaving me free! Visiting them is a lot of work because I feel guilty that they’re handling DC all day and intentionally shorten my workdays to give them a break (and end up making up for it at night). But they love hosting us so we do it to please them (and for a nice change of scenery).

My suggestions:

You and your DH should plan to take several days off especially during the latter half of the visit, by which time the novelty of the visit has somewhat worn off. Go on an overnight trip around the halfway point for a change of pace, ideally with your parents if they are interested, or without if they want downtime.

Also, take the kids out every evening after work for something active (and ideally for an hour in the morning before work too) so that your parents get some peace and quiet. You and DH handle bedtime.

Figure out a cooking gameplan up front. My Mom loves feeding us so I let it go.

Try to help them with anything they need. I’ll go through their retirement accounts, while DH helps with tech troubleshooting and small house fixes.

Don’t give them cash for their utilities. That’s just weird.

When they’re in charge of the kids do NOT step in unless they ask. Even if they’re doing something “wrong” let them (assuming it’s not dangerous)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ve done these long visits with my parents, but with just one child. Honestly I much much prefer it when they visit me, because then we have paid childcare and they handle evenings and weekends, leaving me free! Visiting them is a lot of work because I feel guilty that they’re handling DC all day and intentionally shorten my workdays to give them a break (and end up making up for it at night). But they love hosting us so we do it to please them (and for a nice change of scenery).

My suggestions:

You and your DH should plan to take several days off especially during the latter half of the visit, by which time the novelty of the visit has somewhat worn off. Go on an overnight trip around the halfway point for a change of pace, ideally with your parents if they are interested, or without if they want downtime.

Also, take the kids out every evening after work for something active (and ideally for an hour in the morning before work too) so that your parents get some peace and quiet. You and DH handle bedtime.

Figure out a cooking gameplan up front. My Mom loves feeding us so I let it go.

Try to help them with anything they need. I’ll go through their retirement accounts, while DH helps with tech troubleshooting and small house fixes.

Don’t give them cash for their utilities. That’s just weird.

When they’re in charge of the kids do NOT step in unless they ask. Even if they’re doing something “wrong” let them (assuming it’s not dangerous)

Oh and lastly, I would seriously consider finding a babysitter or mother’s helper. I did this with a neighborhood teen. It’s summer so they should be free.

[Anonymous]

No way Op can be a good houseguest when she's so dismissive of the 3 day rule. Op doesn't even know it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:3 weeks is absolutely WAY TOO LONG.

No it's not. And OP didn't ask for opinions on the timeframe.

[Anonymous]

This is fascinating to me as someone with family spread out around the world—often visits are infrequent but longer. Outside of common courtesy and being especially helpful/anticipating needs nobody in my family is vacating for a quiet house etc. we just want to spend time together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is fascinating to me as someone with family spread out around the world—often visits are infrequent but longer. Outside of common courtesy and being especially helpful/anticipating needs nobody in my family is vacating for a quiet house etc. we just want to spend time together.

Then take a vacation together. Meet up at the beach or mountains or cultural city.

No need to smash up in an elderly couples house or a working couple with kids in school. Certainly not for over a week.

[Anonymous]

We are doing something similar but for 4 weeks with 3 kids and a dog. Going to my hometown and staying with my dad. My mom (parents are divorced and live in the same town) is watching our kids during the day so we can work. Mostly been going ok - I do all the cooking and laundry for everyone and I clean up after the kids. It helps that my dad works full time and is out of the house most of the day as well while DH and I work from home on our computers. So we only see each other in the mornings and evenings. Kids are having a blast and we are enjoying the change of scenery!

[Anonymous]

Give them down time but don't shut yourselves away for too long.

[Anonymous]

We've stay with my parents for a month each summer for years. Sometimes my kids do a day camp but they also had neighborhood friends there to play outdoors with. We did do a few day trips and overnights each year too. You have the beach which will be awesome.

One thing that really helped when they were small was keeping a set bedtime. My parents knew the evenings were quiet. Build in reading and quiet time. Also, having a dedicated place in the house for toys and playing so their stuff isn't underfoot everywhere.

[Anonymous]

don't let your kids bring a ton of crap they don't need--like multiple stuffed animals and whatnot. And definitely don't let them spread their crap all over the house and leave it there. Keep their junk contained.