Tell me how to be a good guest
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Anonymous
| We are staying with my parents for 3 weeks (at their invitation). We have 3 kids 8 and under. What are your best tips to being a good houseguest for this long? I am doing all the normal things (buying food, cleaning up, doing dishes, making sure kids follow house rules, etc), but I want to hear from the crowd your tips in case I'm missing something! My dad is getting more picky in his advancing age, and I know the kids stress him out a bit with their kid-ness as he is very particular about his home. |
Anonymous
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I'd make sure you get out and give them some space-in a nice way. Take the kids out on day trips and have them spend a lot of time playing outside to reduce wear and tear as well as noise in the house.
Maybe treat your folks to a nice dinner without the kids. Be sure to write a thank you note and bring a gift. Ask if there is anything you can help them with around the house. |
Anonymous
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3 weeks is absolutely WAY TOO LONG.
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Anonymous
Thanks! We are leaving one of the weekends in order to give them a few days to recover. We put the kids in camp for one of the weeks (half day) in order to give everyone a rest. They live on the beach, so we can do that. DH and I work, so they are doing childcare during the week, but they volunteered for it. Even so, I'm taking off here and there to give relief. |
Anonymous
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you need to get up and out of the house at least every other day. come up with plans that will tired out the kids. picky old dads get weird about water use and plumbing, so be mindful. If it were me (and I know these are your parents) I would give my dad a gift card or even cash at the start of the trip and say "I realize that with our visit your water and electricity bills we go up significantly. I want to cover that, so please don't say no." and just give it to him. Put it in a card that he opens when you aren't there.
You know your mom best. Does she want people in her kitchen. Does she take great pride in cooking for her family or will she be grateful for you to offer to make dinner every other night...ore every night? You pay for takeout one or two times a week. |
Anonymous
Cool. Thanks for the advice. |
Anonymous
| Don't wait for anyone to ask for help. See what needs to be done, and help out. Take the kids out on a regular basis, to give your parents some time away from the chaos. Offer to cook, and/or do takeout if they're not averse to it. Treat them or take them out, if they enjoy that sort of thing. Clean up at the end of the day after the kids are in bed, so that your parents can at least start the following day with a clean house. |
Anonymous
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We spend a lot of time at my dad’s in the summer. Here are my suggestions beyond what you are already doing (which are all good):
* you mention buying food and cleaning up, but I would add cooking meals to that list * keep the kids upstairs/downstairs/out of the house during the times of day that they are louder or more wild. My dad lives alone and is used to quiet and kids can really disrupt that. Even the most patient grandparent will lose their patience with that much of a change for 3 weeks. * Just in general try to get the kids out of the house for awhile at least once every day. My dad lives at the beach, so we head there every day for a few hours so he has the house to himself to get things done without noise/interruption. * if a kid starts having any kind of tantrum at all, remove them from the common areas to deal with it * we make sure our kids always greet grandpop in the morning and say goodnight (we do with hugs, but you do you). It goes a long way towards good vines all around. Hopefully these don’t seem to harsh, but 3 weeks is a long time. |
Anonymous
just be alert and read the room rather than ignoring signals. Go into this knowing that you may have to adjust your plans and expectations. Yes, they volunteered for childcare, but you need to be ready to recognize when and if that isn't working or your parents are stressed and at their wits end. Don't tell yourself, "well, they volunteered!" as if it's a done deal. This is going to be a new experience for everyone and at the end of the day, you and your husband are the parents. |
Anonymous
| See if there are any projects around the house that you can do for them or help them with. Moving furniture, yard work, etc. |
Anonymous
| Definitely second getting out of the house. I’d also see if there are any small house projects you can help with - even small things like changing lightbulbs or repairing a doorknob. Ask if there’s anything they can’t figure out how to fix. Might even be a computer or car thing. |
Anonymous
+1 I’d make sure to spend a good but of time out of the house with the kids each day (of course your parents would be invited to join if they want to)- but that will give them the option of peace and quiet if they need it. Research places ahead of time (particularly indoor stuff in case of rain) Any day camps or similar the kids might enjoy, even half days for one week? Just throwing that out there. Try to adjust the kids to your parents sleep schedule as much as possible (or take the kids out early if your parents like to sleep in) An adult dinner without certainly sounds great too- I’d put out some feelers for local sitters. Obviously, make sure to clean up after your kids (which I’m sure you will). Personally, I’d relax screen policies a bit if needed..especially to keep the kids quiet at times your parents may be sleeping or relaxing. Nothing wrong with watching a few extra movies or playing a few educational games etc. Bring headphones for the iPad. |
Anonymous
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If your parents are receptive, facilitate special one-on-one time with each grandchild rather than always having the three there as a package deal. Are any of your children old enough to appreciate and learn something from your parents? for example, does your father fish? Maybe he could take one of the kids fishing for a couple of hours. Is your mother a good cook and is one of your children old enough to appreciate making something with grandma? Gardening, weeding?
Don't throw your laundry in a communal pile for your parents to handle. |
Anonymous
| Three weeks should be three days. Op, I suggest you vary your stay. Stay with them three days, then go to a hotel for five, then back for three ... something like that. You can see them on your hotel days, but never expect that each of them have to see you every day, or for hours at a time. |
Anonymous
| Hire a babysitter to deal with the kids rather than have your parents fill in. Three 8 and under will wear them out very quickly. |