Tell me how to be a good guest

[Anonymous]

You are going to your parents house and it is not like going to a friend's house. Do your parents not want you around? Go and stay at an AirBnB.

Don't you know the way your parents roll? Follow the house rules, pitch in, control your kids, make sure that grandparents are not too inconvenienced and derailed from their normal schedule.

We stay 2 weeks with my parents and 2 weeks with DH's parents. It gives us a chance to visit, get a good idea of how they are really doing, get some home/yard/auto maintainence and repairs done at their house, and we call all our nearby relatives and friends for one BBQ party (that we pay for) so that we can meet everyone at the same time. Of course, this is what we do and not saying that you should do this too.

What makes a good guest? Mainly, clean up after yourself. If you borrow their car - fill the tank up, get it washed, get the fluid levels checked. Leave the house better than how you found it.

[Anonymous]

Grandparents usually are great with babies. They are not that great with 3 kids under 8. Are you kidding me?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:3 weeks is absolutely WAY TOO LONG.

This!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:3 weeks is absolutely WAY TOO LONG.

+1

We did it for Covid summer but even 2 weeks was too long this summer. My husband was overeating, working 24/7, looking at his phone all the time, leaving dirty cups/plates everywhere.

Not good.

[Anonymous]

I would plan to spend a good deal of time in your own room(s) if you can't be outside/away. Give your parents quiet time, particularly after dinner -- let them have their normal routine.

Same with breakfast time. If they're like my parents, they get up early but don't eat much - let them sit a tthe table, drink their coffee, read the paper, whatever, as usual BEFORE you and the chaos of kids intrude. Consider feeding the kids outside most of the time to minimize mess.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We spend a lot of time at my dad’s in the summer. Here are my suggestions beyond what you are already doing (which are all good):

* you mention buying food and cleaning up, but I would add cooking meals to that list
* keep the kids upstairs/downstairs/out of the house during the times of day that they are louder or more wild. My dad lives alone and is used to quiet and kids can really disrupt that. Even the most patient grandparent will lose their patience with that much of a change for 3 weeks.
* Just in general try to get the kids out of the house for awhile at least once every day. My dad lives at the beach, so we head there every day for a few hours so he has the house to himself to get things done without noise/interruption.
* if a kid starts having any kind of tantrum at all, remove them from the common areas to deal with it
* we make sure our kids always greet grandpop in the morning and say goodnight (we do with hugs, but you do you). It goes a long way towards good vines all around.

Hopefully these don’t seem to harsh, but 3 weeks is a long time.

And do NOT wake up early and disrupt the sleeping kids or grandparents. No one thinks you’re cool or important banging around at 6 am and getting little kids riled up. They should stay in their rooms until 8am.

[Anonymous]

I agree with all the advice here from that 3 weeks is too long, to doing projects around the house and getting a tantruming kid out of the common areas quickly and giving money for water and electricity.

I would also add, offer to do any electronic stuff while you're there. Be their IT person.

[Anonymous]

This advice is crazy. They asked for your visit, and you are thier child. You’ve already made plans and you dad just needs to deal or your kids too. You can’t micromanage.

[Anonymous]

Ask if there’s anything around the house they need help with. Offer to do yard work, bring stuff to donation center/dump.

When you leave, leave them a gift. Mani/pedi gift card, favorite restaurant— and a sincere, hand written thank you note.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ask if there’s anything around the house they need help with. Offer to do yard work, bring stuff to donation center/dump.

When you leave, leave them a gift. Mani/pedi gift card, favorite restaurant— and a sincere, hand written thank you note.

And, unless the sh is hitting the fan or they are asking for help, my parents want me to butt out of childcare decisions if they are ‘on the clock’.

Be willing to let the kids have more screen time than you otherwise would.

[Anonymous]

Are the kids old enough to work with the concept of “quiet hour,” where everyone has to do something quietly in their own? Every afternoon you could pick a time when this happens, so there’s a break in the chaos. If you think your folks could us a mother’s helper to relieve them, you could get that organized. Let your parents do a daily movie or show, so the kids are quiet and entertained and in one place.

Good guests always completely clean up after themselves, help themselves to things so I don’t have to feel I need to serve them, and give me a little time to myself, which it sounds like you’re doing.

[Anonymous]

If DH and you dad get along, have him take out grandpa for a guys day golfing/fishing/watching sports and drinking…

[Anonymous]

This sounds fun! My mom would love to spend this much time with her grandkids

My advice would be to practice good sleep routines. So grandparents can know what to expect for bedtime and it’s not a 💩-show every night. Put the kids down at a reasonable hour with a solid routine. Teach them to be quiet when they wake up. And yes, a 1-hour quiet time mid day.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thanks for the advice. My parents asked us to come, routinely stay at our house for 2 weeks+ throughout the year, and would be horrified if we either offered to pay for electricity or left for a hotel every 3 days (?). Screen time relaxation, leaving the house each day to give them space, offering to do tasks, and leaving a nice gift card are all great ideas. My parents are super active and like being involved in everything - but I'm willing to bet around week 1.5, they'll want more space, which we can provide to them! Thanks.

[Anonymous]

Be prepared to leave if it is too much for your dad.