Weird response from DH? Or am I crazy?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Omg OP, I understand your reaction at being upset your watering can shattered, however you seemed to go from zero to 100 in thinking that he did it on purpose.

Are there parts of the story you left out that we need for context, because I cannot tell why you'd jump to such an irrational conclusion.

You said he was being "pissy", when was he acting like that? All week? All month? All year?

Yes, he should've apologized, because that's the right thing to do... but it was an accident.
We're human, accidents happen.

You have got to tell us why you'd make such an enormous leap from clumsy accident -------> to passive aggressively smashing your things??

Yeah after some reflection, maybe it was a bit of a leap. But he had a weird reaction earlier in the night too, with a similar air of indifference. I thought he may have been annoyed at me because he thought I was criticizing the way he does things.

For example, as we were preparing dinner, he's chopping veggies:
me: wait, did you wash that pepper before chopping?
dh: no
me: you just cut it dirty?
dh: yes
me: did you wash any of the veggies?
dh: no, i did not.
me: well, you know you're supposed to wash before you cut them
dh: <silence>

You sound like his mother.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, it doesn’t sound like he did it on purpose. It sounds like he was carrying something unwieldy and it caught on it. Why do you keep a fragile prized possession on a table at the top of the stairs?

DP. And how is a watering can a prized possession? And why is it made of porcelain?

I'm not OP but it's obviously a decorative object in the shape if a watering can. Not an actual watering can meant to be used. Substitute "vase" in the scenario.

Same question- why on a table at the top of the stairs?

It's actually both. Multi-function. It's both decorative and beautiful and it also functions as a watering can for all the plants we have upstairs. Can we please stop focusing on the watering can?!

[Anonymous]

Does he often break or lose stuff and follow it up with lies of omission?
Maybe he’s just sloppy and doesn’t know how to apologize.

[Anonymous]

Is this normal or are you guys fighting? Neither one of you sounds very nice. You know if he’s the type of person who could break something on purpose. I can’t even imagine my husband doing that, and he’s been mad at me plenty over the years. Careless? Sure. Break on purpose? Never. But, he’d also apologize. At the same time, if I hear a crash, my first instinct is to make sure everyone is ok.

[Anonymous]

Let’s all face it.

If he would have said: Ooops, oh shite I accidentally broke your favorite blah blah. I’m so sorry. Aargh.

You wouldn’t be on here posting and no one would be talking about it.

Normal responses to a long way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Omg OP, I understand your reaction at being upset your watering can shattered, however you seemed to go from zero to 100 in thinking that he did it on purpose.

Are there parts of the story you left out that we need for context, because I cannot tell why you'd jump to such an irrational conclusion.

You said he was being "pissy", when was he acting like that? All week? All month? All year?

Yes, he should've apologized, because that's the right thing to do... but it was an accident.
We're human, accidents happen.

You have got to tell us why you'd make such an enormous leap from clumsy accident -------> to passive aggressively smashing your things??

Yeah after some reflection, maybe it was a bit of a leap. But he had a weird reaction earlier in the night too, with a similar air of indifference. I thought he may have been annoyed at me because he thought I was criticizing the way he does things.

For example, as we were preparing dinner, he's chopping veggies:
me: wait, did you wash that pepper before chopping?
dh: no
me: you just cut it dirty?
dh: yes
me: did you wash any of the veggies?
dh: no, i did not.
me: well, you know you're supposed to wash before you cut them
dh: <silence>

Do you like this person you are married to? I’m sensing he finds you extremely annoying, and I think I would too. I’m a woman and wash vegetables and don’t break poorly placed random knickknacks, but your part of these dialogues is incredibly off-putting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, it doesn’t sound like he did it on purpose. It sounds like he was carrying something unwieldy and it caught on it. Why do you keep a fragile prized possession on a table at the top of the stairs?

DP. And how is a watering can a prized possession? And why is it made of porcelain?

I'm not OP but it's obviously a decorative object in the shape if a watering can. Not an actual watering can meant to be used. Substitute "vase" in the scenario.

Same question- why on a table at the top of the stairs?

It's actually both. Multi-function. It's both decorative and beautiful and it also functions as a watering can for all the plants we have upstairs. Can we please stop focusing on the watering can?!

No, sorry. There is a reason we are focusing on this (oddly placed) watering can.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does he often break or lose stuff and follow it up with lies of omission?
Maybe he’s just sloppy and doesn’t know how to apologize.

Yeah. Now that I've reflected on it, I don't think he really did it on purpose. He broke it accidentally and he was probably mad about it as he always is when he breaks stuff accidentally, and maybe he was mad about it being in a place where he could break it. It is not really in the way, the table is tucked away. But he must have piled some of his stuff on top of it at some point, and then when he went to pick it up again, it got caught on the watering can and it fell off.

[Anonymous]

He sounds immature and a sincere unprompted apology would have gone a long way, but you would do well to eliminate words like "pissy," unless, of course, your actual goal is to needle and annoy him and not to get an honest, positive response.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Let’s all face it.

If he would have said: Ooops, oh shite I accidentally broke your favorite blah blah. I’m so sorry. Aargh.

You wouldn’t be on here posting and no one would be talking about it.

Normal responses to a long way.

Yes, exactly. That's all I would have expected, and I would not have been mad about it. If it were me that broke something of his, I'd be so apologetic and "oh my goodness, I'm so sorry" would be the first thing out of my mouth.

But I think I just have to keep reminding myself he just doesn't react the same way I do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Let’s all face it.

If he would have said: Ooops, oh shite I accidentally broke your favorite blah blah. I’m so sorry. Aargh.

You wouldn’t be on here posting and no one would be talking about it.

Normal responses to a long way.

+1.

If I left my favorite fragile whatever on the floor in the walkway and DH stepped on it, that would be my fault but DH would still (1) tell me he broke it, without being cagey, and (2) say I know that was your favorite thing, sorry it's broken. That's how a normal adult interaction goes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let’s all face it.

If he would have said: Ooops, oh shite I accidentally broke your favorite blah blah. I’m so sorry. Aargh.

You wouldn’t be on here posting and no one would be talking about it.

Normal responses to a long way.

+1.

If I left my favorite fragile whatever on the floor in the walkway and DH stepped on it, that would be my fault but DH would still (1) tell me he broke it, without being cagey, and (2) say I know that was your favorite thing, sorry it's broken. That's how a normal adult interaction goes.

This. What is so hard about a sincere apology? My God, it's difficult living with someone who's ego is so fragile.

[Anonymous]

OP - - he broke something of yours. It's unfortunate. It wasn't on purpose. End of story, nothing interesting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Omg OP, I understand your reaction at being upset your watering can shattered, however you seemed to go from zero to 100 in thinking that he did it on purpose.

Are there parts of the story you left out that we need for context, because I cannot tell why you'd jump to such an irrational conclusion.

You said he was being "pissy", when was he acting like that? All week? All month? All year?

Yes, he should've apologized, because that's the right thing to do... but it was an accident.
We're human, accidents happen.

You have got to tell us why you'd make such an enormous leap from clumsy accident -------> to passive aggressively smashing your things??

Yeah after some reflection, maybe it was a bit of a leap. But he had a weird reaction earlier in the night too, with a similar air of indifference. I thought he may have been annoyed at me because he thought I was criticizing the way he does things.

For example, as we were preparing dinner, he's chopping veggies:
me: wait, did you wash that pepper before chopping?
dh: no
me: you just cut it dirty?
dh: yes
me: did you wash any of the veggies?
dh: no, i did not.
me: well, you know you're supposed to wash before you cut them
dh: <silence>

You sound like his mother.

+1000

OP, you TOTALLY speak to him in a very mothering, sanctimonious & condescending manor.

Nobody, I repeat NO body wants to sleep with their mother... Im guessing the way you speak to him affects all areas of your life; including the bedroom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, I’d say he didn’t do it on purpose. But if he’s mad at you, he doesn’t feel like apologizing or dealing with your emotion about the breakage.

That said, I don’t know his personality. Is he the type to break something deliberately because he’s mad at you?

He breaks stuff all the time out of anger. But it's more like frustration at the object. I don't remember him ever breaking stuff because he's mad at me specifically.

Ummm.. Forget the watering can. Your husband needs anger management.

Hello!? This is BIG RED FLAG waving here in this nonchalant mention of husband breaking things all the time. It is not healthy to take emotions out on things by breaking objects. Eek. Also coupled with some of the other things you have mentioned here - passive aggressive silent responses, subtle stonewalling when it comes to answering questions... there is something else going on here.

Also, you cannot “guess” by reading strangers responses what it is or is not that your husband did and was feeling at the time. Only he knows this and you need to ask him directly. If he avoids answering then that in itself reflects a deeper issue.

It sounds like there are trust issues that run both ways.

This does sound hard though and I do hope you get some clarity. That clarity is going to come from your intuition and your husbands honest response though, not from strangers guesstimating (although some of them are probably right!). What’s more important is mutual understanding, effective communication and trust (or repairing trust if it has been broken).