Weird response from DH? Or am I crazy?

[Anonymous]

*CRASH* (upstairs)
me: what was that?
dh: something broke
me: what broke?
dh: the watering can
*note* this is a special porcelain ornamental watering can that was gifted to me and one of my favorite things, that is homed on top of a console at the top of the stairs
me: omg, the watering can broke??
dh: yup.
me: how?
dh: it fell
me: but how, wasn't it on top of the table?
dh: yes, it was on the table.
me: so how did it just fall off?
dh: it got caught on something as i picked it up



me: omg, it's shattered
dh: i'll glue it
me: but the whole thing is broken in multiple pieces
dh: i'll glue it tomorrow

<minutes pass>

me: are you mad at me or something?
dh: no, i'm not mad.
me: because you've been pissy and now you're breaking my stuff
dh: *sigh* i didn't do it on purpose. I don't know why you would think that.
me: you didn't even apologize!
dh: *sigh* i did.
me: no, you didn't.
dh: *sigh* i did, i said i was sorry.

for the record, he didn't say it the first time.

So, am I crazy for thinking he might have done it on purpose, considering his reaction? Just need an third party gut check

[Anonymous]

No, I’d say he didn’t do it on purpose. But if he’s mad at you, he doesn’t feel like apologizing or dealing with your emotion about the breakage.

That said, I don’t know his personality. Is he the type to break something deliberately because he’s mad at you?

[Anonymous]

It is hard to tell from that interaction whether the object was broken intentionally or accidentally. From what I read, this is a typical interaction I would have with one of my kids if they felt really badly about breaking something that they knew I valued and were afraid of my reaction

[Anonymous]

He didn’t do it in purpose, he’s just an ahole who would break someone’s stuff and not apologize.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No, I’d say he didn’t do it on purpose. But if he’s mad at you, he doesn’t feel like apologizing or dealing with your emotion about the breakage.

That said, I don’t know his personality. Is he the type to break something deliberately because he’s mad at you?

He breaks stuff all the time out of anger. But it's more like frustration at the object. I don't remember him ever breaking stuff because he's mad at me specifically.

[Anonymous]

His reaction seems like guilt or being upset that you're mad at him. None of that suggests he did it on purpose. Honestly I'd be pretty upset if my spouse called me "pissy" or accused me of breaking things on purpose, too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:me: are you mad at me or something?

This seemed like a weird response from you. If you were sad about the watering can and mad with your husband, tell him that. But asking if HE is mad sees weird.

[Anonymous]

Does your husband usually break your stuff when he’s mad? This question wouldn’t even cross my mind if this happened at my house Bc DH never intentionally breaks my stuff. I’m confused by this whole interaction.

[Anonymous]

Guessing he felt sorry, but didn't say sorry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:me: are you mad at me or something?

This seemed like a weird response from you. If you were sad about the watering can and mad with your husband, tell him that. But asking if HE is mad sees weird.

I asked because of the way he reacted - just indifference and what seemed to me like annoyance at being interrogated, and the lack of any remorse or apology.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, I’d say he didn’t do it on purpose. But if he’s mad at you, he doesn’t feel like apologizing or dealing with your emotion about the breakage.

That said, I don’t know his personality. Is he the type to break something deliberately because he’s mad at you?

He breaks stuff all the time out of anger. But it's more like frustration at the object. I don't remember him ever breaking stuff because he's mad at me specifically.

Ummm.. Forget the watering can. Your husband needs anger management.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:His reaction seems like guilt or being upset that you're mad at him. None of that suggests he did it on purpose. Honestly I'd be pretty upset if my spouse called me "pissy" or accused me of breaking things on purpose, too.

plus one
And someone who uses “gifted” and “homed” and thinks a porcelain watering can (wtf) is more important than people. Get your priorities in order. Things are things. They break.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is hard to tell from that interaction whether the object was broken intentionally or accidentally. From what I read, this is a typical interaction I would have with one of my kids if they felt really badly about breaking something that they knew I valued and were afraid of my reaction

+1, reads as childish guilt / avoidance. Which is not great.

But more importantly, if you believe he would break an object because he's mad at you, you need to leave. That is a big red flag.

[Anonymous]

Omg OP, I understand your reaction at being upset your watering can shattered, however you seemed to go from zero to 100 in thinking that he did it on purpose.

Are there parts of the story you left out that we need for context, because I cannot tell why you'd jump to such an irrational conclusion.

You said he was being "pissy", when was he acting like that? All week? All month? All year?

Yes, he should've apologized, because that's the right thing to do... but it was an accident.
We're human, accidents happen.

You have got to tell us why you'd make such an enormous leap from clumsy accident -------> to passive aggressively smashing your things??

[Anonymous]

Judging only from what you’ve told us, neither of you seems to have an effective communication style. If you think he broke your special porcelain watering can that you were gifted and had homed on a console on purpose and have any facts to back that up, you are with an abuser. Without more though, I’m leaning toward thinking you are extraordinarily high-maintenance, if not crazy.

I can’t really get over the idea that you have a special watering can that is located upstairs. What is any of that about?