Weird response from DH? Or am I crazy?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So it sounds like your DH has some gross notice/motor planning challenges. I imagine he felt bad about breaking your piece.

*gross motor ^

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let’s all face it.

If he would have said: Ooops, oh shite I accidentally broke your favorite blah blah. I’m so sorry. Aargh.

You wouldn’t be on here posting and no one would be talking about it.

Normal responses to a long way.

Yes, exactly. That's all I would have expected, and I would not have been mad about it. If it were me that broke something of his, I'd be so apologetic and "oh my goodness, I'm so sorry" would be the first thing out of my mouth.

But I think I just have to keep reminding myself he just doesn't react the same way I do.

It's good that you've finally come to that conclusion, but since it took you so long to get there, you're *really* going to have to keep reiterating it to yourself *before* you react, as it seems your natural instinct with him is to react dramatically/over react... as the pp said "like his mother".

You need to readjust your expectations with him... you married him knowing that he was like this.

If you expect him to react the same way that you would, you'll be in a constant state of disappointment because he's not you.
Having expectations for anyone other than ourselves is unfair.

So now I’d she hears a crash, she’s not allowed to ask what happened? Walk on eggshells.

It should take 5 questions to get an answer to what crashed apart. How he chooses to respond is not normal. He’s almost trying to escalate a simple questions into an argument in order to avoid answering it entirely.

I doubt he was like that when dating.

Uh, sockpuppet much?

Egg shells?? lol
How would YOU know how he was while they were dating?
How would YOU know he's trying to escalate into an argument?

You're either sockpuppeting or really projecting your own feelings onto the OP right now, because your whole post is "not normal" and defensive.

NP
I’m not sorry to say but if OP brought that dialog to a Phd level psychologist and said this is what happens every time I have to ask What Happened, the husband would be scheduled for a neuropsych test next month.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
He's a naturally clumsy person (dropping things, bumping into things, hurting himself, spilling things). He doesn't see things normally, and struggles with some everyday things that everyone else takes for granted, and his default is to assume everyone is criticizing him (and 90% of the time they are not). And yes, he gets angry, but it is more just the frustration of the everyday - for example, he has trouble with mechanical things like opening packages - so after trying for 5 seconds to open the package, he will flip out and then just break it open with brute force. I mean, it's kind of comical.

So, your husband is clumsy and tends to break things, and yet you accused of breaking your watering can on purpose?

And, his history of 'breaking things in anger' is that when he cannot get a box open, he rips it open (just like about every other person)?

You 'interrogate' your spouse, and are surprised that he is not forthcoming with his answers?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
He's a naturally clumsy person (dropping things, bumping into things, hurting himself, spilling things). He doesn't see things normally, and struggles with some everyday things that everyone else takes for granted, and his default is to assume everyone is criticizing him (and 90% of the time they are not). And yes, he gets angry, but it is more just the frustration of the everyday - for example, he has trouble with mechanical things like opening packages - so after trying for 5 seconds to open the package, he will flip out and then just break it open with brute force. I mean, it's kind of comical.

So, your husband is clumsy and tends to break things, and yet you accused of breaking your watering can on purpose?

And, his history of 'breaking things in anger' is that when he cannot get a box open, he rips it open (just like about every other person)?

You 'interrogate' your spouse, and are surprised that he is not forthcoming with his answers?

I mean... you were absolutely criticizing him on the vegetables.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
He's a naturally clumsy person (dropping things, bumping into things, hurting himself, spilling things). He doesn't see things normally, and struggles with some everyday things that everyone else takes for granted, and his default is to assume everyone is criticizing him (and 90% of the time they are not). And yes, he gets angry, but it is more just the frustration of the everyday - for example, he has trouble with mechanical things like opening packages - so after trying for 5 seconds to open the package, he will flip out and then just break it open with brute force. I mean, it's kind of comical.

So, your husband is clumsy and tends to break things, and yet you accused of breaking your watering can on purpose?

And, his history of 'breaking things in anger' is that when he cannot get a box open, he rips it open (just like about every other person)?

You 'interrogate' your spouse, and are surprised that he is not forthcoming with his answers?

I mean... you were absolutely criticizing him on the vegetables.

Ok but what is she supposed to do? Just let him give everyone food poisoning to protect his fragile ego?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
He's a naturally clumsy person (dropping things, bumping into things, hurting himself, spilling things). He doesn't see things normally, and struggles with some everyday things that everyone else takes for granted, and his default is to assume everyone is criticizing him (and 90% of the time they are not). And yes, he gets angry, but it is more just the frustration of the everyday - for example, he has trouble with mechanical things like opening packages - so after trying for 5 seconds to open the package, he will flip out and then just break it open with brute force. I mean, it's kind of comical.

So, your husband is clumsy and tends to break things, and yet you accused of breaking your watering can on purpose?

And, his history of 'breaking things in anger' is that when he cannot get a box open, he rips it open (just like about every other person)?

You 'interrogate' your spouse, and are surprised that he is not forthcoming with his answers?

I mean... you were absolutely criticizing him on the vegetables.

Ok but what is she supposed to do? Just let him give everyone food poisoning to protect his fragile ego?

Did you wash that pepper was sufficient. He said no. She gets exhausting with the “so you cut it dirty”. Just like a mother to a child.

[Anonymous]

Passive-aggressive behavior = anger, but lacking the conviction to express it directly. You patronize your husband, plus he probably feels frustrated about being clumsy, undercoordinated or whatever, so all of this leads him to feel angry and resentful. Build him up more and tear him down less, and he may become more comfortable communicating with you more directly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm good you guys. As I said in a follow up, I don't think he did it on purpose anymore. He was acting annoyed/angry, and in the moment, I thought he might have been angry with me. But most likely, he was probably just annoyed and angry with himself.

He's a naturally clumsy person (dropping things, bumping into things, hurting himself, spilling things). He doesn't see things normally, and struggles with some everyday things that everyone else takes for granted, and his default is to assume everyone is criticizing him (and 90% of the time they are not). And yes, he gets angry, but it is more just the frustration of the everyday - for example, he has trouble with mechanical things like opening packages - so after trying for 5 seconds to open the package, he will flip out and then just break it open with brute force. I mean, it's kind of comical.

And yeah - I recognize now that I assumed his annoyance and anger was about me when it has nothing to do with me, and I also recognize that I may do that as part of a pattern. We both come from abusive childhoods so it's probably just residual stuff from our early lives that colors our reactions.

No, you're not. But that's a separate issue.

[Anonymous]

It takes a peculiar situation for someone to suspect that their spouse broke a cherished item on purpose.

Right now we can’t tell, OP. Either you’re crazy or he’s crazy.

[Anonymous]

OP Get a grip and stop being annoying. UGH

[Anonymous]

Weird that you'd think he'd do something like this purposely! He thought it was an accident and therefore didn't feel an apology was warranted. He should have said sorry from the onset, but you jumping to "you did it on purpose" is totally crazy!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
He's a naturally clumsy person (dropping things, bumping into things, hurting himself, spilling things). He doesn't see things normally, and struggles with some everyday things that everyone else takes for granted, and his default is to assume everyone is criticizing him (and 90% of the time they are not). And yes, he gets angry, but it is more just the frustration of the everyday - for example, he has trouble with mechanical things like opening packages - so after trying for 5 seconds to open the package, he will flip out and then just break it open with brute force. I mean, it's kind of comical.

So, your husband is clumsy and tends to break things, and yet you accused of breaking your watering can on purpose?

And, his history of 'breaking things in anger' is that when he cannot get a box open, he rips it open (just like about every other person)?

You 'interrogate' your spouse, and are surprised that he is not forthcoming with his answers?

He is worse than a child, he can’t learn.

I mean... you were absolutely criticizing him on the vegetables.

Ok but what is she supposed to do? Just let him give everyone food poisoning to protect his fragile ego?

Did you wash that pepper was sufficient. He said no. She gets exhausting with the “so you cut it dirty”. Just like a mother to a child.

[Anonymous]

A child can learn, he cannot.