Nanny wants to bring son

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Guess I'm an outlier but that sounds ideal.

Curious what about the scenario is ideal to you?

If I was their nanny the employer funded childcare sounds great!

[Anonymous]

No, OP. Not with an older child and getting two toddlers into car seats to pick up the older child and drop him off. It just isn’t safe (and I’m a twins nanny so I know).

The nanny can find a share if she needs to with her child and one other.

[Anonymous]

Your 6 yr old will get 0 attention with the nanny herding two 2-yr olds .

[Anonymous]

NO! She will always favor her child over yours and it’s ridiculously unfair to your older child to tack on another “sibling”. No, don’t consider it.

[Anonymous]

You are a hiring a nanny for one on one care. if you wanted group care, you would choose daycare.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NO! She will always favor her child over yours and it’s ridiculously unfair to your older child to tack on another “sibling”. No, don’t consider it.

Honestly I think it’s more likely that she would (at least outwardly) err on the side of favoring your child, which also isn’t a good lesson for them to learn in their early years. However in the worst case/emergency scenario when choosing which child to help, clearly biology wins out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NO! She will always favor her child over yours and it’s ridiculously unfair to your older child to tack on another “sibling”. No, don’t consider it.

Honestly I think it’s more likely that she would (at least outwardly) err on the side of favoring your child, which also isn’t a good lesson for them to learn in their early years. However in the worst case/emergency scenario when choosing which child to help, clearly biology wins out.

I just think it creates a messed up dynamic all around. It’s the little things that are going to grate on you the most.

[Anonymous]

So I’ve allowed two different long term nannies to bring their kids to work.

In the first situation, our nanny of 3 years started bringing her 3 elementary/tween daughters. They were sweet girls and in many ways enriched my kids lives (a baby and toddler at the time). Their mom ran a very tight ship and they were extremely well behaved and I became friendly with them too. But over time it was hard because I was full time WFM and our house was small. Also we lived close to my nanny and she constantly wanted to bring my kids to her house, which was fine, but it did become complex and I didn’t want my kids there all the time. Over time it did feel a bit like we were paying nanny rates for a more daycare like experience. But my kids were happy. The scheduling just started getting complicated and over time boundaries did erode. We eventually moved states at around the time things were becoming unmanageable. It was also just hard because there were 3 of them-even If well behaved they were loud and had some drama.

In the 2nd situation, I explicitly spelled out in my ad that the nanny COULD NOT BRING HER KIDS TO WORK. I had learned my lesson! But then COVID happened and the only way to have our nanny come was if she brought her own kids (and honestly it felt safer than them being at school or in daycare). Her kids are older than mine though-ages 9 and 12. They are wonderful and they have actually been a blessing. My 2 yo is speech delayed and has special needs and I credit the nanny’s children with helping him meet milestones. They are constantly engaging him, playing with him, etc. I really have no complaints and I’ll miss them in the fall when they are back in school. The 12 yo is so helpful that we actually pay her $2/hour for all her work. She mops and sweeps and organizes toys and folds laundry. She entertains the kids while her mom makes lunch. The 9 yo we pay $0.50 for every book he reads to my kids and some weeks he makes $10-15.

So it can work but helps if there’s an age gap between kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So I’ve allowed two different long term nannies to bring their kids to work.

In the first situation, our nanny of 3 years started bringing her 3 elementary/tween daughters. They were sweet girls and in many ways enriched my kids lives (a baby and toddler at the time). Their mom ran a very tight ship and they were extremely well behaved and I became friendly with them too. But over time it was hard because I was full time WFM and our house was small. Also we lived close to my nanny and she constantly wanted to bring my kids to her house, which was fine, but it did become complex and I didn’t want my kids there all the time. Over time it did feel a bit like we were paying nanny rates for a more daycare like experience. But my kids were happy. The scheduling just started getting complicated and over time boundaries did erode. We eventually moved states at around the time things were becoming unmanageable. It was also just hard because there were 3 of them-even If well behaved they were loud and had some drama.

In the 2nd situation, I explicitly spelled out in my ad that the nanny COULD NOT BRING HER KIDS TO WORK. I had learned my lesson! But then COVID happened and the only way to have our nanny come was if she brought her own kids (and honestly it felt safer than them being at school or in daycare). Her kids are older than mine though-ages 9 and 12. They are wonderful and they have actually been a blessing. My 2 yo is speech delayed and has special needs and I credit the nanny’s children with helping him meet milestones. They are constantly engaging him, playing with him, etc. I really have no complaints and I’ll miss them in the fall when they are back in school. The 12 yo is so helpful that we actually pay her $2/hour for all her work. She mops and sweeps and organizes toys and folds laundry. She entertains the kids while her mom makes lunch. The 9 yo we pay $0.50 for every book he reads to my kids and some weeks he makes $10-15.

So it can work but helps if there’s an age gap between kids.

I am just reading this thread out of curiosity, no dog in this fight, but I think you sound awesome!

[Anonymous]

I think it’s a bad idea for the many reasons people have already highlighted but also because there’s no way to end the arrangement gracefully. You can’t try it out and decide that having the nanny’s kid there is too much. You basically need anew nanny.

The only reason to even entertain this is if you have an amazing nanny who’s worked with your family for years and she’s having a baby. Starting out with this arrangement with someone untested is stupid.

[Anonymous]

I did this when my daughter was younger. It was fantastic with one family. They wanted another child around for their toddler son, because he had some social issues. They were 5 months, 1.5 yrs (mine), and 2.5 years old when I started. They’re 18, 19 & 20 now, and are all very close. They’re closer to one another than they are to their own cousins. I worked for that family for 3 or 4 years, and we still see them regularly.

I tried it with another family, and it didn’t work out. After about 2 weeks, we decided that I needed to find childcare or another job. Since they still wanted to pay the same low rate if mine wasn’t there, I found another job. I hired a nanny for part time when my child started kindergarten. She managed the half days, and school pick ups when I was working.

If a nanny has experience, 2 two years olds is really not that difficult. In a family of 3, there are generally two toddlers, or toddlers and an infant. Having done this job for so many years, I didn’t find it difficult. YMMV.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it is fine! Your son will have a playmate. Keep salary the same.

LOL! The nanny candidate found this thread!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So I’ve allowed two different long term nannies to bring their kids to work.

In the first situation, our nanny of 3 years started bringing her 3 elementary/tween daughters. They were sweet girls and in many ways enriched my kids lives (a baby and toddler at the time). Their mom ran a very tight ship and they were extremely well behaved and I became friendly with them too. But over time it was hard because I was full time WFM and our house was small. Also we lived close to my nanny and she constantly wanted to bring my kids to her house, which was fine, but it did become complex and I didn’t want my kids there all the time. Over time it did feel a bit like we were paying nanny rates for a more daycare like experience. But my kids were happy. The scheduling just started getting complicated and over time boundaries did erode. We eventually moved states at around the time things were becoming unmanageable. It was also just hard because there were 3 of them-even If well behaved they were loud and had some drama.

In the 2nd situation, I explicitly spelled out in my ad that the nanny COULD NOT BRING HER KIDS TO WORK. I had learned my lesson! But then COVID happened and the only way to have our nanny come was if she brought her own kids (and honestly it felt safer than them being at school or in daycare). Her kids are older than mine though-ages 9 and 12. They are wonderful and they have actually been a blessing. My 2 yo is speech delayed and has special needs and I credit the nanny’s children with helping him meet milestones. They are constantly engaging him, playing with him, etc. I really have no complaints and I’ll miss them in the fall when they are back in school. The 12 yo is so helpful that we actually pay her $2/hour for all her work. She mops and sweeps and organizes toys and folds laundry. She entertains the kids while her mom makes lunch. The 9 yo we pay $0.50 for every book he reads to my kids and some weeks he makes $10-15.

So it can work but helps if there’s an age gap between kids.

I am just reading this thread out of curiosity, no dog in this fight, but I think you sound awesome!

I agree that having the nanny's kids there can work but the situations where I've heard this work are when the nanny's kids are older and don't themselves need constant watching and care. AS the PP points out the older kids *might* do something useful although that's never a fair expectation for the kids. But a new nanny with a 2 year old that slipped that in at the end of the interview as if it's just a minor point is a definite no as every poster has said.

[Anonymous]

I think it could enrich your kids' lives and 3 kids isn't unmanageable, so if you really liked the nanny and the rate weren't as high as some other nannies where your two kids would be the exclusive focus I would check references and ask the prior family how it worked out.

[Anonymous]

I guarantee you that’s why she got let go from her last nanny job