Pastor's reaction to suicidal thoughts

[Anonymous]

To those who keep asking, I really don't feel comfortable sharing the details of my friends' experiences with him. Those are their stories to tell, not mine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yikes. How long has he been your pastor? Is he usually helpful? Is he a jerk? Did he yell at you?

This actually happened about a year ago and I've only just now realized how messed up it was. He'd been my pastor for about 2 years at the time. I've been thinking things over because he's been verbally abusing people who disagree with him over the last few months.

Omg! He’s verbally abusing his parishioners and no one is calling him out or reporting him to church leadership? He’s been verbally abusing his flock for months and no one has done anything? Is he doing this out in the open, in front of everyone? Need details! This is unacceptable.

We contacted the parish council last week and they don't really seem to be willing to do anything. I'm too scared to go over his head to the bishop but maybe we need to. It's all been in private or over text message so not in front of anyone. I only found out about my friends' experiences last week.

If you have text messages, you have proof. Go above his head to the bishop. Just think, what if the next person who confides they're feeling suicidal to him, who he demeans and dismisses, is so despondent they take their own life? I'm not saying you'd be responsible for that at all, but you have the opportunity now to do all you can to prevent it, so take it.

Sorry that happened to you. Hope you're doing better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, I don’t think I’d ask my pastor for help if I had mental health struggles, especially with suicidal ideation.
Although I know it can be a viable option, I’d want a therapist.

I wasn't asking him for help. I was in confession and confessed that I had told God I would rather be dead. It's just that looking back I think he should have said "Hey, these are symptoms of depression and you should really get help" instead of harshly scolding me when I was already crying. But I guess I know better now than to assume clergy can be bothered to consider that someone's confession might be a result of mental illness and not willful sin.

Given this background, I'd change parishes. Confession is something you're going to keep needing to do and it should be spiritually useful not like that. I have no idea what the local hierarchy would do if you considered so that might also be a good route to take, but in your shoes I'd look for another parish and leave instead.

[Anonymous]

Stay if you like most of the people in the church.
What the pastor said was terrible but don’t leave.
Find therapy or spiritual advice from someone else.

[Anonymous]

I didn’t know Catholics called their priests “pastors.” Do Catholics have pastors and priests? I thought they only had priests?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I didn’t know Catholics called their priests “pastors.” Do Catholics have pastors and priests? I thought they only had priests?

All are priests. The pastor is the head priest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Stay if you like most of the people in the church.
What the pastor said was terrible but don’t leave.
Find therapy or spiritual advice from someone else.

And report this guy, whether you stay or go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What tradition/denomination are you in?

Catholic

Not PP, but this does not surprise me. Many devoted Catholics I know are very righteous, judgmental, and think suicide is selfish. They don’t sympathize with mental health issues and see it as a weakness. Personally I would find a different denomination if you want support from your church.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yikes. How long has he been your pastor? Is he usually helpful? Is he a jerk? Did he yell at you?

This actually happened about a year ago and I've only just now realized how messed up it was. He'd been my pastor for about 2 years at the time. I've been thinking things over because he's been verbally abusing people who disagree with him over the last few months.

Omg! He’s verbally abusing his parishioners and no one is calling him out or reporting him to church leadership? He’s been verbally abusing his flock for months and no one has done anything? Is he doing this out in the open, in front of everyone? Need details! This is unacceptable.

We contacted the parish council last week and they don't really seem to be willing to do anything. I'm too scared to go over his head to the bishop but maybe we need to. It's all been in private or over text message so not in front of anyone. I only found out about my friends' experiences last week.

If you have text messages, you have proof. Go above his head to the bishop. Just think, what if the next person who confides they're feeling suicidal to him, who he demeans and dismisses, is so despondent they take their own life? I'm not saying you'd be responsible for that at all, but you have the opportunity now to do all you can to prevent it, so take it.

Sorry that happened to you. Hope you're doing better.

Unfortunately the Catholic parish would likely support the pastor considering they have a big history of covering up sexual abuse.

[Anonymous]

I’m sorry to hear this. Please find a good therapist and talk to someone higher up in the hierarchy about his behavior. I wish you the best.

[Anonymous]

Every diocese has someone who coordinates clergy personnel. Check your website and contact them.

That said, absolutely take medical concerns to a medical professional. A trained doctor or therapist is a better choice if you now have decided you’re looking for advice after all,

[Anonymous]

Priests are NOT therapists.

Go to mass, join the community, do volunteering… but don’t talk to the priest about your personal life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Priests are NOT therapists.

Go to mass, join the community, do volunteering… but don’t talk to the priest about your personal life.

This. OP, your priest’s response was appropriate from a religious POV. Suicide is a sin because you’re taking a life that is in God’s hand. The priest is there to help you see your life through the eyes of YOUR FAITH. I struggle with depression too and a priest telling me this would not upset me at all. If you want someone to walk through childhood trauma or change poor habits of thinking, go to psychoanalyst or cognitive behavioral therapist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What tradition/denomination are you in?

Catholic

Not PP, but this does not surprise me. Many devoted Catholics I know are very righteous, judgmental, and think suicide is selfish. They don’t sympathize with mental health issues and see it as a weakness. Personally I would find a different denomination if you want support from your church.

Well that’s a sweeping generalization. You don’t sound judgmental at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Priests are NOT therapists.

Go to mass, join the community, do volunteering… but don’t talk to the priest about your personal life.

This. OP, your priest’s response was appropriate from a religious POV. Suicide is a sin because you’re taking a life that is in God’s hand. The priest is there to help you see your life through the eyes of YOUR FAITH. I struggle with depression too and a priest telling me this would not upset me at all. If you want someone to walk through childhood trauma or change poor habits of thinking, go to psychoanalyst or cognitive behavioral therapist.

+1

This is true. A religious “counselor” is going to “counsel” in the vein of their faith. It’s to be expected.