How to set up will protecting DD with untrustworthy DH

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You call him untrustworthy but have no reason to believe so? Huh.

Well that’s just a giant assumption on your part merely because OP didn’t state her reasons for the belief.

She says in her post she has no reason to believe so.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:An inheritance is not considered part of marital assets in the event of a divorce.

Many many exceptions and potential traps there, consult legal advice

[Anonymous]

My cousin married into a family with a trust. You have to be a blood descendant to benefit. The trust was set up generations prior. I think it's smart to do. My family doesn't work hard to support my husband, they want to do things for their family.

I don't believe I owe anyone an explanation for what I do with my money so I wouldn't explain to my kids when they are older.

Op see a trust attorney. Don't mention your plans to your daughter. You will likely have a trust set up that benefits your kids and grandkids. There can be provisions for what happens if they predecease you or you have no descendants.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mother set up her will so that if I died before her, the money would go directly to my kids not my DH. And she told me about this.

The only thing she achieved was that we felt sad, strangely betrayed and then distanced ourselves further from her and her crazy mind-games.

She has now died and I got the money which also belongs to my DH because we're legally married.

Don't be a scumbag OP. Just don't do it.

.that's pretty common

[Anonymous]

I understand what OP is saying. I want what I have (which is undoubtedly less than most in this thread) to go to MY kids, not their spouses-the spouses can inherit from THEIR folks.

OP's not wrong for wanting that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mother set up her will so that if I died before her, the money would go directly to my kids not my DH. And she told me about this.

The only thing she achieved was that we felt sad, strangely betrayed and then distanced ourselves further from her and her crazy mind-games.

She has now died and I got the money which also belongs to my DH because we're legally married.

Don't be a scumbag OP. Just don't do it.

I would not be upset if my parents did this. The money would be going to your kids. Why wouldn't that be ok with your DH? I'd actually want my ILs to do that.

OP, use a trust.

+1
I cannot understand why being safe and practical would offend anyone.

[Anonymous]

I set up a trust for my son. He’s still a teenager and an only child. His father and I are divorced and I wanted to make sure he’s protected down the road. Everything is in my trust and he is the trustee and sole beneficiary. He’ll be able to choose what to do with that money. He can share it or keep it to himself if he wants. It’s a good way to protect assets without a prenup.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mother set up her will so that if I died before her, the money would go directly to my kids not my DH. And she told me about this.

The only thing she achieved was that we felt sad, strangely betrayed and then distanced ourselves further from her and her crazy mind-games.

She has now died and I got the money which also belongs to my DH because we're legally married.

Don't be a scumbag OP. Just don't do it.

I would not be upset if my parents did this. The money would be going to your kids. Why wouldn't that be ok with your DH? I'd actually want my ILs to do that.

OP, use a trust.

+1
I cannot understand why being safe and practical would offend anyone.

Except the assumption is that the DH will piss the money away on frivolities. In our case my DH would use the money for our kids education and caring for them if he was away on work trips (moot during Covid I know). So not safe and not practical, just manipulative and excluding.

[Anonymous]

Does your DD have kids?

I wouldn't call my FIL "untrustworthy", but he sometimes made poor financial decisions...and everyone knew this. DH's grandfather knew he wanted to leave his estate to MIL (his only living child), but wanted to make sure that she would always be taken care of.

What he did was create a trust to which DH and his sister are the beneficiaries, but from which MIL would receive the interest for as long as she lives. I don't know what this type of trust is called, but I think it's not that difficult to set up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mother set up her will so that if I died before her, the money would go directly to my kids not my DH. And she told me about this.

The only thing she achieved was that we felt sad, strangely betrayed and then distanced ourselves further from her and her crazy mind-games.

She has now died and I got the money which also belongs to my DH because we're legally married.

Don't be a scumbag OP. Just don't do it.

I would not be upset if my parents did this. The money would be going to your kids. Why wouldn't that be ok with your DH? I'd actually want my ILs to do that.

OP, use a trust.

+1
I cannot understand why being safe and practical would offend anyone.

Except the assumption is that the DH will piss the money away on frivolities. In our case my DH would use the money for our kids education and caring for them if he was away on work trips (moot during Covid I know). So not safe and not practical, just manipulative and excluding.

This is what you think now, and good for you if it holds true forever. Your situation is obviously not the OP’s situation.

[Anonymous]

100 percent a troll. You people are too easy sometimes

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:An inheritance is not considered part of marital assets in the event of a divorce.

It is of you commingle it. Only way to ensure this is to put it in a trust.

[Anonymous]

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My mother set up her will so that if I died before her, the money would go directly to my kids not my DH. And she told me about this.

The only thing she achieved was that we felt sad, strangely betrayed and then distanced ourselves further from her and her crazy mind-games.

She has now died and I got the money which also belongs to my DH because we're legally married.

Don't be a scumbag OP. Just don't do it.[/quote]

I would not be upset if my parents did this. The money would be going to your kids. Why wouldn't that be ok with your DH? I'd actually want my ILs to do that.

OP, use a trust.[/quote]

Yeah, this seems really normal. If you died and your husband remarried, I assume your parents would want their money ending up with your kids rather than with his new wife if he died or divorced.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mother set up her will so that if I died before her, the money would go directly to my kids not my DH. And she told me about this.

The only thing she achieved was that we felt sad, strangely betrayed and then distanced ourselves further from her and her crazy mind-games.

She has now died and I got the money which also belongs to my DH because we're legally married.

Don't be a scumbag OP. Just don't do it.

That is a pretty normal setup. We created our will when the DCs were very young and that is the way we have it set up. I’m not sure why you would distance yourself from your mom over a standard practice.

+1 I would not be upset if my MIL did this. It isn’t being a scum bag. I’m pretty close to mine (and I’m an attorney so I answer legal questions for her). She knows I don’t want her money. It should go to my dh and then to my kids. My dh and I have saved as if we were getting zero inheritance so we aren’t relying on her inheritance. If he dies, I’ll be fine without her money and my kids will have it (hopefully subject to terms). Op, you should talk to an attorney who can help you but note that anything that gets commingled while your dd is alive (after you die and before she dies) belongs to her dh. You won’t be able to control that after you’re gone.

[Anonymous]

I think its totally normal to just leave your money to your kid not your kid and their spouse. I am an only child and my parents have a large estate. My DH is very involved in helping them and me in figuring the best way to set up the inheritance. His name is on absolutely nothing. It is just me and our kids. He has no objections and I assume its the same way with his parents. Of course once my parents die and the money becomes mine if I put it in a shared account it becomes his money as well. Setting up a trust might help but it can get murky depending on how you use the money in the trust. If she pulls money out of the trust to pay for a house that is in both her and her DH's name it is comingled. Its really her responsibility to manage her inheritance in a way that keeps the assets separate. If she's not interested in that then there's not much you can do other than skip her and leave the money all to your grandkids.