How to set up will protecting DD with untrustworthy DH

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You call him untrustworthy but have no reason to believe so? Huh.

Well that’s just a giant assumption on your part merely because OP didn’t state her reasons for the belief.

[Anonymous]

The way to this is to set up a trust.

That said, if they’re married he’s still going to benefit from your money. That’s unavoidable. If she takes money from the trust for a down payment on a house, that’s going to be “his” money too. If she uses the trust money for vacations or private school for the children, that also benefits him as well.

I think you can protect your money to an extent, but you also have to make peace with the fact that by giving a married person money, their spouse is going to benefit. You need to decide if the positives of your daughter getting the money outweigh the negatives of your son-in-law benefiting from your money. Only you can answer that question.

[Anonymous]

My mother set up her will so that if I died before her, the money would go directly to my kids not my DH. And she told me about this.

The only thing she achieved was that we felt sad, strangely betrayed and then distanced ourselves further from her and her crazy mind-games.

She has now died and I got the money which also belongs to my DH because we're legally married.

Don't be a scumbag OP. Just don't do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mother set up her will so that if I died before her, the money would go directly to my kids not my DH. And she told me about this.

The only thing she achieved was that we felt sad, strangely betrayed and then distanced ourselves further from her and her crazy mind-games.

She has now died and I got the money which also belongs to my DH because we're legally married.

Don't be a scumbag OP. Just don't do it.

I would not be upset if my parents did this. The money would be going to your kids. Why wouldn't that be ok with your DH? I'd actually want my ILs to do that.

OP, use a trust.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Heads up, in my extended family, a wealthy aunt tried to do this to keep her son in law out of her will and my cousin/her daughter was so offended, she cut her mom out of her life.

It's a bad idea to tell your kids what your will looks like.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mother set up her will so that if I died before her, the money would go directly to my kids not my DH. And she told me about this.

The only thing she achieved was that we felt sad, strangely betrayed and then distanced ourselves further from her and her crazy mind-games.

She has now died and I got the money which also belongs to my DH because we're legally married.

Don't be a scumbag OP. Just don't do it.

It's not your business who your parent leaves their money to. Your mother was not being a jerk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mother set up her will so that if I died before her, the money would go directly to my kids not my DH. And she told me about this.

The only thing she achieved was that we felt sad, strangely betrayed and then distanced ourselves further from her and her crazy mind-games.

She has now died and I got the money which also belongs to my DH because we're legally married.

Don't be a scumbag OP. Just don't do it.

This is not being a scumbag.

Trusts are set up this way ALL THE TIME.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mother set up her will so that if I died before her, the money would go directly to my kids not my DH. And she told me about this.

The only thing she achieved was that we felt sad, strangely betrayed and then distanced ourselves further from her and her crazy mind-games.

She has now died and I got the money which also belongs to my DH because we're legally married.

Don't be a scumbag OP. Just don't do it.

That is a pretty normal setup. We created our will when the DCs were very young and that is the way we have it set up. I’m not sure why you would distance yourself from your mom over a standard practice.

[Anonymous]

Guy from a LMC family works hard to get an high-salary job, marries a woman from an UMC family working a low-wage job, and he’s the one you think is lookin got sponge off her? OP, I think you have the dynamic backwards.

[Anonymous]

My parents probably had this concern years ago, until they realized that DH actually had a lot more money than they thought, and was very responsible with it

But your inheritance is legally hers. All you need to do is talk to her about being financially independent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mother set up her will so that if I died before her, the money would go directly to my kids not my DH. And she told me about this.

The only thing she achieved was that we felt sad, strangely betrayed and then distanced ourselves further from her and her crazy mind-games.

She has now died and I got the money which also belongs to my DH because we're legally married.

Don't be a scumbag OP. Just don't do it.

That's how it's done in many families. Wow, PP. Your poor mother.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mother set up her will so that if I died before her, the money would go directly to my kids not my DH. And she told me about this.

The only thing she achieved was that we felt sad, strangely betrayed and then distanced ourselves further from her and her crazy mind-games.

She has now died and I got the money which also belongs to my DH because we're legally married.

Don't be a scumbag OP. Just don't do it.

That's how it's done in many families. Wow, PP. Your poor mother.

It is done this way in many families and is not a problem unless the spouse makes it a problem. Trusts do not enforce considerate behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mother set up her will so that if I died before her, the money would go directly to my kids not my DH. And she told me about this.

The only thing she achieved was that we felt sad, strangely betrayed and then distanced ourselves further from her and her crazy mind-games.

She has now died and I got the money which also belongs to my DH because we're legally married.

Don't be a scumbag OP. Just don't do it.

You’re very naive. Just because it worked for you doesn’t mean it will for everyone else. Your mother was smart.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mother set up her will so that if I died before her, the money would go directly to my kids not my DH. And she told me about this.

The only thing she achieved was that we felt sad, strangely betrayed and then distanced ourselves further from her and her crazy mind-games.

She has now died and I got the money which also belongs to my DH because we're legally married.

Don't be a scumbag OP. Just don't do it.

Actually that’s not true. If you were to divorce, he would not have rights to that money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Heads up, in my extended family, a wealthy aunt tried to do this to keep her son in law out of her will and my cousin/her daughter was so offended, she cut her mom out of her life.

The joke would have been on the daughter when the husband took the money and traded her in for a newer model.