"Thank You" works too

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hey hon. I picked up a beer for tonight.

One beer.

Ummm okay ... thanks, I guess?!?

Yes, because one single beer and an entire BOTTLE of wine are totally commensurate. You've figured it out. Gold star.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You’re both right.

Yes, she should have said, “Thanks! Next time just pick up 6 bottles.”

And, you should realize that it’s ok for her to tell you to pick up 6 next time. That’s not a criticism. It doesn’t mean she isn’t grateful.

NP. No, she should have said "Thanks! That was nice of you." Full stop. Then another time, she could say, "Hey babe, next time you get wine, would you mind getting a few more bottles next time?"

Another time?

Whatever.

You sound exhausting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP - I don't really need a lot of gratitude here. Probably a bad title. What I didn't need is instruction on how I can do it better next time. But dinner was good, we had a lot of laughs. (The wine helped!)

To me it just sounds like she was passing on a tip, not telling you what you could’ve done better. It’s likely you didn’t know about the bargain; it seems benign. I’m pretty sensitive but this wouldn’t have bothered me. Maybe it’s a long-standing issue - being told how to do things better, or feeling unappreciated - so you were more sensitive? Perhaps you don’t usually do the cooking and it was a significant moment?

Regardless, I’m glad you enjoyed your dinner together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did you think her for buying milk?

WTF ... do we have to think you for picking up napkins too?

I’m a wife and yes, my husband does thank me for picking up groceries.

Every single one of us has felt a bit slighted or a little bit hurt for not feeling appreciated. his feeling are normal and happen on the wife side all the time.

That’s pathetic that your H thanks you every time you... grocery shop, do laundry, do some dishes, mow the lawn, clean the kitchen, rake the leaves, get the oil changed, flip a pancake.


Jesus people this is just life nobody needs to thank you for getting the Fing mail!

I'm with pp. I thank my husband for those things because I am actually quite grateful. I hated it -- HATED it! -- when he didn't say thank you or acknowledge things I'd done. My DH doesn't like being thanked, he thinks it is just stuff you need to do. But I think it is important to show gratitude for the small things (and the big). Why would you think it was pathetic that somebody had done something to make you feel good and cared for, and they say thank you for that??

I'm sorry you can't understand that other people have different feelings, and that you are so aggressively angry at the world right now. Maybe you should try some yoga, or meditation, or a gratitude journal.

I’m sorry you are so aggressively needy.

But thanks for responding to my post I don’t want you to think I’m ungrateful that you took your precious time to type out your psychotic response.

Sorry have to go and thank my son for taking the dog out, thank my H for pouring me more wine, thank my daughter for getting the Amazon package from the porch.

So to you it’s needy but I wouldn’t think twice about saying hey thanks.

Yes to expect thanks 45 times a day for every thing you do .. yes, it’s needy. Grow up.

NP. It’s about cultivating an environment of gratitude. My husband and I thank each other for little things we do for each other. Not everything, but enough so that we know we don’t take each other for granted. It’s nice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did you think her for buying milk?

WTF ... do we have to think you for picking up napkins too?

I’m a wife and yes, my husband does thank me for picking up groceries.

Every single one of us has felt a bit slighted or a little bit hurt for not feeling appreciated. his feeling are normal and happen on the wife side all the time.

That’s pathetic that your H thanks you every time you... grocery shop, do laundry, do some dishes, mow the lawn, clean the kitchen, rake the leaves, get the oil changed, flip a pancake.


Jesus people this is just life nobody needs to thank you for getting the Fing mail!

I'm with pp. I thank my husband for those things because I am actually quite grateful. I hated it -- HATED it! -- when he didn't say thank you or acknowledge things I'd done. My DH doesn't like being thanked, he thinks it is just stuff you need to do. But I think it is important to show gratitude for the small things (and the big). Why would you think it was pathetic that somebody had done something to make you feel good and cared for, and they say thank you for that??

I'm sorry you can't understand that other people have different feelings, and that you are so aggressively angry at the world right now. Maybe you should try some yoga, or meditation, or a gratitude journal.

I’m sorry you are so aggressively needy.

But thanks for responding to my post I don’t want you to think I’m ungrateful that you took your precious time to type out your psychotic response.

Sorry have to go and thank my son for taking the dog out, thank my H for pouring me more wine, thank my daughter for getting the Amazon package from the porch.

You are funny. I WOULD thank my son for taking the dog out, thank my H for pouring me more wint, and thank my daughter for picking the Amazon package up from the porch. Why not? I'm glad to hear you've realized that expressing gratitude is important.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - I don't really need a lot of gratitude here. Probably a bad title. What I didn't need is instruction on how I can do it better next time. But dinner was good, we had a lot of laughs. (The wine helped!)

To me it just sounds like she was passing on a tip, not telling you what you could’ve done better. It’s likely you didn’t know about the bargain; it seems benign. I’m pretty sensitive but this wouldn’t have bothered me. Maybe it’s a long-standing issue - being told how to do things better, or feeling unappreciated - so you were more sensitive? Perhaps you don’t usually do the cooking and it was a significant moment?

Regardless, I’m glad you enjoyed your dinner together.

Cooking dinner wasn't a significant moment -- (again - just spaghetti, not like I was going gourmet) -- but I probably am sensitized to her need to offer people (frequently me) tips on how they could be doing things her way. We're wired differently. If someone does something nice for me - even if it's very trivial - I can't imagine suggesting how they might have done it better.

Still, not a big deal. Just a comment that hit me the wrong way as I was feeling pretty worn out at the end of a work week. I knew it would pass, and it did. Venting a bit here helped me get past it without turning the small thing into a Big Deal that would've made our evening much less pleasant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was cooking dinner as my wife poured a glass of wine for herself. I mentioned that I'd picked up a bottle of wine for her when I was at the store. Her response, "you should always just get six." I guess there's a deal with six and it's always better to have more around. But, I have to say, that irritated me. I did something nice, and here she's offering a critique on how I could do more for her.

I mean, I'm no hero - the dinner is spaghetti and it was just one bottle of wine. But, Jesus, if someone does something nice, just say "thank you" and go about your business.

Do you always need to be thanked?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hey hon. I picked up a beer for tonight.

One beer.

Ummm okay ... thanks, I guess?!?

Yes, because one single beer and an entire BOTTLE of wine are totally commensurate. You've figured it out. Gold star.

It’s similar because who picks up 1 beer ... the same resin that picks up 1 bottle of wine. If your out of wine you buy more wine not just got tonight. It’s Friday FFS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was cooking dinner as my wife poured a glass of wine for herself. I mentioned that I'd picked up a bottle of wine for her when I was at the store. Her response, "you should always just get six." I guess there's a deal with six and it's always better to have more around. But, I have to say, that irritated me. I did something nice, and here she's offering a critique on how I could do more for her.

I mean, I'm no hero - the dinner is spaghetti and it was just one bottle of wine. But, Jesus, if someone does something nice, just say "thank you" and go about your business.

My SO would have just growled “I’ve got 6 for you” and then given it to me that night 🤷‍♀️

Work on your flirting game

This is how it's done. "Why just 6? I'll give you 8!"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did you think her for buying milk?

WTF ... do we have to think you for picking up napkins too?

I’m a wife and yes, my husband does thank me for picking up groceries.

Every single one of us has felt a bit slighted or a little bit hurt for not feeling appreciated. his feeling are normal and happen on the wife side all the time.

That’s pathetic that your H thanks you every time you... grocery shop, do laundry, do some dishes, mow the lawn, clean the kitchen, rake the leaves, get the oil changed, flip a pancake.


Jesus people this is just life nobody needs to thank you for getting the Fing mail!

I'm with pp. I thank my husband for those things because I am actually quite grateful. I hated it -- HATED it! -- when he didn't say thank you or acknowledge things I'd done. My DH doesn't like being thanked, he thinks it is just stuff you need to do. But I think it is important to show gratitude for the small things (and the big). Why would you think it was pathetic that somebody had done something to make you feel good and cared for, and they say thank you for that??

I'm sorry you can't understand that other people have different feelings, and that you are so aggressively angry at the world right now. Maybe you should try some yoga, or meditation, or a gratitude journal.

I’m sorry you are so aggressively needy.

But thanks for responding to my post I don’t want you to think I’m ungrateful that you took your precious time to type out your psychotic response.

Sorry have to go and thank my son for taking the dog out, thank my H for pouring me more wine, thank my daughter for getting the Amazon package from the porch.

You are funny. I WOULD thank my son for taking the dog out, thank my H for pouring me more wint, and thank my daughter for picking the Amazon package up from the porch. Why not? I'm glad to hear you've realized that expressing gratitude is important.

I know you think your the normal one but you are not. It’s bizarre nobody in you family can take their own dog out without expecting a thank you. Do you think your kids for wiping their own butt?

[Anonymous]

I'm guessing this is an ongoing thing. My husband would do the same and miss why it would be tiresome. I think the teacher in him always has him critiquing and offering room for improvement. I constantly feel graded & red-penned.

[Anonymous]

Sorry you feel unappreciated, OP.

I have found that the best way to solicit thank yous is to make sure I am generous with my thank yous when DH does something for me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did you think her for buying milk?

WTF ... do we have to think you for picking up napkins too?

I’m a wife and yes, my husband does thank me for picking up groceries.

Every single one of us has felt a bit slighted or a little bit hurt for not feeling appreciated. his feeling are normal and happen on the wife side all the time.

That’s pathetic that your H thanks you every time you... grocery shop, do laundry, do some dishes, mow the lawn, clean the kitchen, rake the leaves, get the oil changed, flip a pancake.


Jesus people this is just life nobody needs to thank you for getting the Fing mail!

I'm with pp. I thank my husband for those things because I am actually quite grateful. I hated it -- HATED it! -- when he didn't say thank you or acknowledge things I'd done. My DH doesn't like being thanked, he thinks it is just stuff you need to do. But I think it is important to show gratitude for the small things (and the big). Why would you think it was pathetic that somebody had done something to make you feel good and cared for, and they say thank you for that??

I'm sorry you can't understand that other people have different feelings, and that you are so aggressively angry at the world right now. Maybe you should try some yoga, or meditation, or a gratitude journal.

I’m sorry you are so aggressively needy.

But thanks for responding to my post I don’t want you to think I’m ungrateful that you took your precious time to type out your psychotic response.

Sorry have to go and thank my son for taking the dog out, thank my H for pouring me more wine, thank my daughter for getting the Amazon package from the porch.

You are funny. I WOULD thank my son for taking the dog out, thank my H for pouring me more wint, and thank my daughter for picking the Amazon package up from the porch. Why not? I'm glad to hear you've realized that expressing gratitude is important.

I know you think your the normal one but you are not. It’s bizarre nobody in you family can take their own dog out without expecting a thank you. Do you think your kids for wiping their own butt?

NP and I agree with the thanker.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Use your words and tell her, not the Internet, that a “thank you” when you did something nice would be appreciated.

Then you’ll be a Big Boy!!!

Are you kidding? This is absolutely the time to bite your tongue. It's annoying but it's not a Big Deal. Crab a little bit anonymously on the Internet, drink a beer or two, and let the irritation pass. Turning it into A Talk would be a bad idea.

How is, "Hey, I got that because I thought you'd like it. I'll be sure to get six next time, but a thank you would be nice" anything close to A Talk?

[Anonymous]

The "thank you" is not nearly as important as the "not giving advice about how to do something nice better."