Bar Mitzvah of Best Friend’s Son

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Fancy Long Island and NJ I say $50 mom Jewish kids who are class mates by themselves.
Invited non Jew neighbors and Friends invited as a family around $1,000. Close Jewish family and business associates $5,000.

Last one I went to on Long Island was 7 years ago and cost around $40,000. I have seem really over the top ones costing up to $500 a person.

The one I went to as family was a Bat Mitz and was a weekend thing. They even had a limo bus for the girls to see Wicked on Broadway with dinner as part of 13 bday party celebration.

Big question is it in person and what is cost. And buy a new outfit don’t show up in last years styles.

There is absolutely no need, at a wedding or a bar/bat mitzvah, to “cover your plate”. The amount of money spent by the hosts is up to them, they can’t expect to redeem it in gifts. It sounds like you grew up around a lot of people with more money than taste, and have unfortunately been influenced by their gauche behavior. OP, there is absolutely no need to spend thousands of dollars here, it would be inappropriate and embarrassing to the recipient.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Fancy Long Island and NJ I say $50 mom Jewish kids who are class mates by themselves.
Invited non Jew neighbors and Friends invited as a family around $1,000. Close Jewish family and business associates $5,000.

Last one I went to on Long Island was 7 years ago and cost around $40,000. I have seem really over the top ones costing up to $500 a person.

The one I went to as family was a Bat Mitz and was a weekend thing. They even had a limo bus for the girls to see Wicked on Broadway with dinner as part of 13 bday party celebration.

Big question is it in person and what is cost. And buy a new outfit don’t show up in last years styles.

There is absolutely no need, at a wedding or a bar/bat mitzvah, to “cover your plate”. The amount of money spent by the hosts is up to them, they can’t expect to redeem it in gifts. It sounds like you grew up around a lot of people with more money than taste, and have unfortunately been influenced by their gauche behavior. OP, there is absolutely no need to spend thousands of dollars here, it would be inappropriate and embarrassing to the recipient.

Are you aware of what saddle River is like? It’s the epitome of more money than class.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Fancy Long Island and NJ I say $50 mom Jewish kids who are class mates by themselves.
Invited non Jew neighbors and Friends invited as a family around $1,000. Close Jewish family and business associates $5,000.

Last one I went to on Long Island was 7 years ago and cost around $40,000. I have seem really over the top ones costing up to $500 a person.

The one I went to as family was a Bat Mitz and was a weekend thing. They even had a limo bus for the girls to see Wicked on Broadway with dinner as part of 13 bday party celebration.

Big question is it in person and what is cost. And buy a new outfit don’t show up in last years styles.

There is absolutely no need, at a wedding or a bar/bat mitzvah, to “cover your plate”. The amount of money spent by the hosts is up to them, they can’t expect to redeem it in gifts. It sounds like you grew up around a lot of people with more money than taste, and have unfortunately been influenced by their gauche behavior. OP, there is absolutely no need to spend thousands of dollars here, it would be inappropriate and embarrassing to the recipient.

Are you aware of what saddle River is like? It’s the epitome of more money than class.

Example:
https://www.realtor.com/realestateandhomes-detail/1-Scheffler-Dr_Saddle-River_NJ_07458_M52821-43972

[Anonymous]

Don’t go to party and send a gift if cheap. Or led kid go alone as they get a way less cost to host since don’t drink and get a lesser menu.

No you don’t have to cover plate. But pretty much since I had my third kid in 2007 I give $1,000 at a NY or No wedding usually. I am bringing five people.

My uncle had one a few years ago and booked the rooms on the hotel for all out of town guests and had brunch served next day all included as he prepaid for it all.

It is crazy rich their. The short hills mall nearby kids pull up in g wagons to shop

[Anonymous]

Long Island is over the top. Let’s not hold that up as an example of what to do.
The ritzy suburbs in NJ are not quite as bad.

[Anonymous]

Makes me glad I married a non-Jew. I could not accept this kind of $$ as a gift for my child.

[Anonymous]

^ Weird. The gift is to the bar/bat mitzvah, not their parent, so no need for you to accept anything.

[Anonymous]

We did 18 $20 bills ($360) for DH's best friend from childhood. They've since kind of grown apart due to living far apart and busy lives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Fancy Long Island and NJ I say $50 mom Jewish kids who are class mates by themselves.
Invited non Jew neighbors and Friends invited as a family around $1,000. Close Jewish family and business associates $5,000.

Last one I went to on Long Island was 7 years ago and cost around $40,000. I have seem really over the top ones costing up to $500 a person.

The one I went to as family was a Bat Mitz and was a weekend thing. They even had a limo bus for the girls to see Wicked on Broadway with dinner as part of 13 bday party celebration.

Big question is it in person and what is cost. And buy a new outfit don’t show up in last years styles.

There is absolutely no need, at a wedding or a bar/bat mitzvah, to “cover your plate”. The amount of money spent by the hosts is up to them, they can’t expect to redeem it in gifts. It sounds like you grew up around a lot of people with more money than taste, and have unfortunately been influenced by their gauche behavior. OP, there is absolutely no need to spend thousands of dollars here, it would be inappropriate and embarrassing to the recipient.

Are you aware of what saddle River is like? It’s the epitome of more money than class.

There’s no need to imitate bad behavior.

[Anonymous]

Does he have additional (female) children? They will surely have bat mitzvahs and you will be invited. Give to the first only what you can definitely give to the others.

[Anonymous]

This is eye opening. Our BFF's kid is having a bat mitzvah in Cleveland (the first kid out of our friend group) and I assumed $180 was the right amount. Geez.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is eye opening. Our BFF's kid is having a bat mitzvah in Cleveland (the first kid out of our friend group) and I assumed $180 was the right amount. Geez.

It is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is eye opening. Our BFF's kid is having a bat mitzvah in Cleveland (the first kid out of our friend group) and I assumed $180 was the right amount. Geez.

It is.

+1 Or whatever you can afford! If someone gave my kid $36 because that’s what they could comfortably afford, my kid would very graciously thank them. We gave my BF from childhood’s kid $180 and that was steep for my middle class family. But they are special to us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is eye opening. Our BFF's kid is having a bat mitzvah in Cleveland (the first kid out of our friend group) and I assumed $180 was the right amount. Geez.

It is.

For Cleveland it’s fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is no way to generalize an appropriate dollar amount. It all depends on how much money you have and how much they have. If neither have much, $100 could be over the top, if you are both very rich, $1,000 could be insulting.

Our HHI is about $1mil (I work) theirs is about $500/600 (wife SAH). To the person who asked, do Jews have godparents? If they do he would be but he is not to my knowledge, but it is that level of relationship. They were each each other’s best man, etc.

Jews do not have godparents. I wouldn’t do more than $540 cash. If you feel like you need to do more than that I’d think about adding a gift rather than more cash - it just gets unseemly in my opinion.

I’m Jewish and my sister and I have godparents. Our children have them too.