Bar Mitzvah of Best Friend’s Son

[Anonymous]

My husband’s best friend in the world who is like a brother to him- his son is getting Bar Mitzvah’d. They are in the Saddle River area of NJ. For the Jewish readers, how much do you think we should give? It’s the BFF’s only son and first born. I feel like $1k? $1.5k? Is that too much? Too little! Any help would be appreciated. Thank you!!

[Anonymous]

That’s very generous. We max out at $500.

[Anonymous]

There is no way to generalize an appropriate dollar amount. It all depends on how much money you have and how much they have. If neither have much, $100 could be over the top, if you are both very rich, $1,000 could be insulting.

[Anonymous]

It's traditional to give in multiples of 18 (a good luck number related to the Hebrew word for 'life'). Unless he's the kid's godfather, I feel like a thousand is overboard. Consider $180 or $270. Save the big money for high school graduation.

[Anonymous]

50@18 is $900 sounds great!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband’s best friend in the world who is like a brother to him- his son is getting Bar Mitzvah’d. They are in the Saddle River area of NJ. For the Jewish readers, how much do you think we should give? It’s the BFF’s only son and first born. I feel like $1k? $1.5k? Is that too much? Too little! Any help would be appreciated. Thank you!!

I’m not a Jew

[Anonymous]

Too much. Could you do $500 (or a multiple of 18) and a nice gift? You could even ask the parents: "We want to get something memorable for child x. Is there something you think he'd really like?"

[Anonymous]

Are you going? If so, $500 is what we typically give.

If you aren’t going, $100 is generous.

[Anonymous]

$540 is a good multiple of 18.

[Anonymous]

Agree with $540. Don't be surprised if your husband is asked to give a toast or light a candle.

[Anonymous]

good grief - that is way too much. I wouldn't do more than $180. The bar mitzvah child is 13.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There is no way to generalize an appropriate dollar amount. It all depends on how much money you have and how much they have. If neither have much, $100 could be over the top, if you are both very rich, $1,000 could be insulting.

Our HHI is about $1mil (I work) theirs is about $500/600 (wife SAH). To the person who asked, do Jews have godparents? If they do he would be but he is not to my knowledge, but it is that level of relationship. They were each each other’s best man, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:50@18 is $900 sounds great!

This seems like a good idea!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:good grief - that is way too much. I wouldn't do more than $180. The bar mitzvah child is 13.

Yes but I believe the idea is to “set then up” as an “adult” - kind of thing.

[Anonymous]

No expectation for that high an amount.