Friend picked expensive bday venue; what to contribute

[Anonymous]

I think you’ve got to bring it up ahead and possibly extricate yourself. Otherwise it’ll be stressful and you won’t enjoy your super expensive meal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If the birthday people chose this venue, they should be paying for you. I never expect friends to pay for my birthday meal.

This. Host pays.

+1, I kind of established this in my friend group. You want to celebrate you? Great, I'm down. I will bring a lovely gift to the event you are hosting.

[Anonymous]

I agree with everyone that you need to clarify with your friends. Send a quick text - Looking forward to celebrating your birthdays at xxx. Just confirming, we're going Dutch treat, right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to tell them. "Hey Girls! I had some unforeseen expenses this month and in doing my budget realized I can't afford to eat at Squat-n-Gobble to celebrate your birthdays, let alone treat you two (although you deserve the world and I'd love to treat you to a Hawaiian vacation with men fanning you with palm fronds and baths with flower petals).

Do you two want to celebrate just the two of you, since I know you have your heart set on Squat-N-Gobble? Let me know! Love, Poor Paula"

Use this word for word OP!!!

I would not use this. Do you want to pay for their full meal at a cheaper restaurant? Nothing decent will be that cheap. I would make up an excuse and cancel or show up with gifts for them and then split the Bill when it comes.

[Anonymous]

Just be honest with them and go dutch. If they are good friends they will understand. Probably easier to address in advance than at the restaurant.

[Anonymous]

I think you had better find a nice way to explain now so they don't both look to you when the check comes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My group of 5 college friends is meeting next weekend for two of the friend's bdays. They decided they want to meet outdoors at a rather expensive place with a fixed-price menu. Two people cannot make it, but I can -- meaning it's me and the two birthday friends. I have looked at the menu, and truly, it is not in my budget right now to float the group. I agreed on the spot when they brought it up two weeks ago, but now, looking ahead, it will stretch me to pay for everyone's meal. Would it be rude to bring a small gift (flowers, something smaller and personal) and then everyone pays her own share? I have had some unforeseen expenses this month. I know they have their heart set o this spot, so I do not want to be a kill joy, so I am hoping it's not out of line to go dutch...ideas??

Likely the two people couldn't afford it either and dropped out. Drop out as well. Don't be the sucker.

NP and I'm sure this is what happened. You know your friends so I'm guessing you think they want to be treated to an expensive meal, which is incredibly rude and unfair of them. You have two choices - either make up a lie and don't go or say "I can't afford this restaurant, but I would love to treat you to a glass of champagne at the bar before or after your meal so that I can give you your gifts."

[Anonymous]

I would just say sorry but after looking at the prices I can't afford it, hope you have fun, I'll give you gift when I see you next month.

But I would drop those people as friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My group of 5 college friends is meeting next weekend for two of the friend's bdays. They decided they want to meet outdoors at a rather expensive place with a fixed-price menu. Two people cannot make it, but I can -- meaning it's me and the two birthday friends. I have looked at the menu, and truly, it is not in my budget right now to float the group. I agreed on the spot when they brought it up two weeks ago, but now, looking ahead, it will stretch me to pay for everyone's meal. Would it be rude to bring a small gift (flowers, something smaller and personal) and then everyone pays her own share? I have had some unforeseen expenses this month. I know they have their heart set o this spot, so I do not want to be a kill joy, so I am hoping it's not out of line to go dutch...ideas??

Likely the two people couldn't afford it either and dropped out. Drop out as well. Don't be the sucker.

Haha this!

[Anonymous]

They may just feel like splurging but don’t in any way expect you to pay. If you can’t afford to go even just paying for yourself, bow out. Otherwise ask for separate checks when you get there or when you order. And bringing little gifts is nice if that’s what you normally do. Otherwise paying so much for your dinner with them is gift enough.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would just say sorry but after looking at the prices I can't afford it, hope you have fun, I'll give you gift when I see you next month.

But I would drop those people as friends.

+1. It’s best to be honest about the reason. These two are being insensitive at best.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They may just feel like splurging but don’t in any way expect you to pay. If you can’t afford to go even just paying for yourself, bow out. Otherwise ask for separate checks when you get there or when you order. And bringing little gifts is nice if that’s what you normally do. Otherwise paying so much for your dinner with them is gift enough.

+1 But I would let the know in advance with a polite clarification.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I definitely think the other two friends made up some bogus excuse once they realized how expensive the venue is.

I'd bring it up before the meal. I actually had a former friend who'd pick nice restaurants for her birthday and fully expect others to cover everything. But your birthday friends have to realize how ridiculous the setup is. If they're truly friends, they'd not expect you to pay for them.

Yep. I think the other friends became busy when they saw the cost.

[Anonymous]

Just say you got a positive covid test and need to bail.

[Anonymous]

We are well off and I still drop out of price is too much in my opinion. I would spent $150 for a dinner pp with my husband, but not for a friends thing mostly likely because it's like a 1-2x a year thing and there are lots of great options lower.

How much is it?